Page 21 of In Too Deep

Serves me right.

“Umm… it’s, uh…” Backing away from the door, I clear my throat. “It’s someone selling something,” I lie, adding another one to my very long list.

“This late? Do you want me to stay on the line while you tell them to get lost? Or maybe I should swing by there after all.”

“No.” My response is too forceful, panic obviously present in my harsh tone. But he doesn’t call me out on it as I take a deep breath. “I don’t want you to go to the trouble. It’s fine. I’m going to ignore them like I always do. It’s nothing to worry about. Promise.”

“All right…” he relents with a sigh, and I silently blow out the breath I’d been holding. “Keep all your doors locked and call me when you get up in the morning.”

For the hundredth time today, I mentally curse myself for being such a shit person. My hand lands on my stomach as I eye the front door.

“I will. Goodnight.” Unable to bear hearing him say it, I hit end before he has a chance to tell me he loves me.

My skin buzzes as I slip my phone in the back pocket of my jeans, my eyes unblinking as I walk toward the front door. Then I hear a light tap and halt.

“Cat, I can hear you in there. Please open the door.” I shake my head, even though I know he can’t see me. “Come on, KitKat. I’m not above staying out here all night if that’s what it takes.”

The thought of Spencer driving by and seeing Lawrence on my front porch lights a fire under me. Rushing to the door, I quickly unlock it before throwing it open. “What the hell are you doing here? Have you lost your mind?”

He rubs the back of his neck, holding up the bag of food with his other hand. “I brought some food, and I was hoping we could talk.” His hands fall back to his sides as he gestures behind me with a nod of his head. “Are you going to invite me in, or do you want to be the evening entertainment for your neighbors?”

Cutting my eyes at him, I hold the door open and motion for him to come inside. After I’ve locked back up, I grab the bag of Chinese food and head for the kitchen.

“You can’t just show up here like this.” I listen for his footsteps to make sure he’s following behind me. “I meant what I said yesterday, we aren’t doing this. I’m with Spencer.”

Once we’re in the kitchen, I put the bag down and pick up my glass of wine. My back rests on the edge of the counter as he swaggers in behind me, a smirk on his face as I take a sip.

He nods as he comes to a stop in front of me, much closer than I’d like. “Yeah, I heard what you said yesterday. But now that you’ve had a little more time to think things through, I’m hoping you’ll give me the chance to say my piece.”

My lips press together as I wave my hand for him to go on. “I’m listening.”

He sucks in a breath, releasing it slowly. “First, I want you to know you’re wrong. Letting you go wasn’t easy for me.” He digs something out of his back pocket, then holds up what looks to be mail. “I still have every letter you wrote me,” he explains, extending them to me.

My heart clutches as I take them from him, recognizing the handwriting as my own. After he moved away our freshman year of high school, I wrote him every week, then every month. They all went unanswered, each one breaking a piece of my heart until I finally gave up.

“I’ve read them so many times, I almost have them memorized. Not writing you back killed me, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”

My eyes lift from the letters to him, narrowing as I try to hold back my tears. I polish off my wine and place the glass in the sink, fighting the urge to throw it at his head.

“How could cutting me out of your life possibly be the right thing?”

“I thought I had to let you go. I didn’t think I was coming back. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to wait for me. I only wanted you to be happy.”

“Happy?” I screech, tossing the letters at him. He flinches as they smack him in the chest then fall to the floor. “You broke my fucking heart. I was miserable. And what about when you did come back? How do you explain that?”

He averts his gaze as he takes a breath, his hands rubbing at his jaw before meeting mine again. “I wasn’t prepared for you to be so angry with me. It wasn’t until then I realized how much I hurt you. I tried to explain, to tell you why I never called or wrote you back, but you wouldn’t even speak to me.” He takes my hands, pulling me closer as he locks his pleading eyes on mine. “At first, I was determined to win you back, then Caroline told me you were dating someone. She told me you finally seemed happy and begged me to let you go, convinced me I’d only hurt you again. So, I let you walk out of my life, and I’ve regretted it every day since.”

He reaches up to brush away a tear as it begins to roll down my face and kisses my forehead, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes. I know you’re dating someone, and maybe it doesn’t seem right or fair for me to try to take you from him but attempting to do the right or noble thing when it comes to you has never worked out for us. So, this time, I’m going to be selfish for love.”

Shaking my head, I try to wiggle out of his arms, but he only strengthens his hold on me. “I’m not…you can’t just…we can’t…” I take a calming breath, straightening my posture. “I’m with Spencer. These letters and last night don’t change that.”

“I know you don’t trust me and you’re afraid, but all I’m asking for is a chance here. All I want is the opportunity to change your mind, to prove this thing between us is real, as is my love for you.”

My brow bunches as I push on his chest, freeing myself from his hold. I should tell him to leave. I shouldn’t be considering any of this. Yet, my mind reels as I try to figure out a way to make this work. I don’t want to let him go.

“And how do you propose we do that? I can’t keep cheating on Spencer. Last night never should’ve happened. I won’t keep—”

“Whoa, no.” He chuckles, amusement dancing in his eyes as he regards me. My back straightens as he gets closer, placing his hands on my shoulders as he continues. “This isn’t an indecent proposal. Even though I don’t regret what happened between us or believe it was a mistake, I’m not suggesting we maintain any kind of physical relationship. At least not until your current status has changed.”

---