Page 63 of In Too Deep

Spencer scrubs his hands over his face as he blows out a breath, and it hits me like a hammer on my head, he hadn’t known about Lawrence at all.

“You cheated on me?” The confusion and hurt in his tone cause my head to swim.

I feel dizzy as I struggle to put everything together.

“Lori didn’t…?” He works his jaw, crossing his arms. Though I’m relieved my best friend hadn’t betrayed my trust by telling him, I hate that he’s finding out this way. “But I don’t understand…then why were you…” My words are cut off as my brain fully processes what just happened. His decision not to give me the ring had nothing to do with what I’d done, yet he seemed certain we shouldn’t be together. “Wait…were you breaking things off with me because you aren’t in love with me?”

The guilt that crosses his features causes anger to bubble up inside me. I pushed away someone who was in love with me for someone who isn’t. And if he isn’t in love with me, does that mean…?

“Do you have feelings for someone else?”

He averts his eyes, giving me my answer, and my head spins. I’ve felt guilty about what happened with Lawrence. Even worse for the way my heart seemed to long for him when it should’ve been with Spencer. But I’m not the only one pining for someone else.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it.” His eyes are cautious as they meet mine again, and my overloaded emotions cause more tears to fall as I nod.

“But you do have feelings for someone else.”

He seems to note I made a statement instead of asking a question and doesn’t give me any kind of response. My mind automatically goes to Lori, thinking about the connection I’d seen between them from that first night I introduced them, and a boiling fury heats my blood.

“Is it Lori? Were you falling in love with my best friend while you were dating me?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not like that.”

His denial is also an admission, one that feels like a slap in the face. I’ve told myself this entire time I was inventing things in my head, that his fondness for Lori was merely a reflection of his feelings for me, but I was only lying to myself.

“I think it is. All this time, I’ve watched the way you are around her, seen the way you look at her, and I kept telling myself I was imagining it. It wasn’t my imagination though, was it?”

His shoulders sag as he sighs. “You don’t understand. We met months before you and me ever—”

“The two of you hooked up before we met and didn’t tell me?” I shout, pushing on his chest. It feels like I might collapse, the possibility of Lori having feelings for Spencer too is more than I can stomach. “Have the two of you been sneaking around behind my back all this time?”

His face contorts in anger at my words, and I immediately wish I could take them back. “Of course not. Are you even listening to yourself right now? I wasn’t the one who cheated.” I shrink into myself, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I know I’m projecting my own guilt and poor behavior onto them. “If you don’t trust me, surely you know Lori would never do something like that to you.”

It isn’t fair, but his need to defend Lori reignites my rage. Deep down, I know he’s right. But my emotions are spiraling, and I can’t seem to hold on to anything real. “No, she would simply neglect to tell me she already been with the guy I’m dating.”

My knees feel weak as I turn on my heel, rushing to the front door with Spencer right behind me.

“Lori was only trying to protect you. She only wanted you to be happy.”

“Oh yeah,” I mock, throwing my bag over my shoulder. “She did a bang-up job of that. I’m extremely joyful right now.” I move to the door, pulling it open before looking back at him. “And you, why didn’t you tell me?”

His silence speaks volumes. He did it for her.

I nod and slowly walk out, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, I’m sitting outside Lori’s house angrily wiping away my tears. I worked myself up even more on the drive over here, thinking about every single time I’ve questioned their relationship. Every laugh, look, and touch between them meaning something more now. The fact that she’s been avoiding me since I told her about Lawrence makes sense now too. She’s pissed with me for cheating on Spencer because she has feelings for him. I’ve been such a fool, a blind idiot. My guilt has been consuming me. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, why I was holding back with Spencer and how I could cheat on him the way I did. But his heart wasn’t in our relationship any more than mine.

It was with Lori this entire time.

My hands are shaking as I climb out of the car, my legs wobbly as I march to her door. It’s like I’m in a dream state by the time I begin to bang on it, my head swimming and breathing heavy. At my second knock, I hear her call out that she’s coming, the sound of her voice causing me to reconsider my choice to come here like this.

Lori’s eyes are wide as she swings open the door, her brow creasing with worry as she studies me. “Cat? What’s going on?”

“You,” I spit, my hands balling as they fall to my sides. “Is there anyone in this town you haven’t slept with?”

She’s clearly shocked by my harsh words, her eyes blinking as her mouth drops open. Shame blooms in my chest, but the fire in my belly burns it to ash.

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