Page 54 of In Too Deep

Her cheeks flush as I stand, leaving little room between us. “No.”

“No?” she squeaks.

“I’m afraid you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Lawrence…” She sighs, her shoulders sagging as her eyes drop to the floor.

“Look, I’m part of the reason you’re in this situation.” She regards me with hooded eyes as I cup my hands around her face, and I can practically see her willpower starting to crumble. She’s still torn between what her heart wants and what her head is telling her to do. “I pursued you knowing you were with someone. And I’m sorry for the role I played in all this. I realize there’s a possibility I won’t get the girl in the end regardless of what happens. But I want to be here for you.”

Her hands land on mine as she takes a steadying breath. “This is so screwed up.”

I lean in to kiss her forehead. “Yeah, we’re good at making a mess of things. But love is messy.”

Color spreads across her cheeks as she studies me with wide eyes, her pupils darkening with desire before she drags my hands away from her face and releases them. “I should go.”

As much as I want to protest, to beg her to stay, I’m afraid of what would happen if she did. I don’t want to go down that road with her again until her relationship with Spencer is over.

It isn’t fair to any of us.

32

Lawrence

I pace in front of the door, checking my watch for the fifth time. “Ma, are you ready? We need to get going.”

She told me she was fine driving herself, but I insisted on us riding together to the funeral. My stepfather died a few years back from a sudden heart attack, and my sister has her hands full with the kids. I always feel like it’s my responsibility to look out for her. She says I treat her as if I’m the parent and she’s the child now, a fact she wholeheartedly resents.

Her eyes narrow at me as she steps around the corner, still working to get her earrings in. “Boy, you are worked up like a dog in heat. What’s the deal?”

She’s not wrong. I’m extremely wound up about seeing Cat today. I’ve been too afraid to reach out to her since she left my house last night. She showed up determined to end things between us, but I talked her down, and things were left a little open ended. I’m trying to respect the fact that she needs some time and space, I just hate having no clue where we stand. She said she was going to tell Spencer about me—about us. Since I haven’t heard from her, I’m guessing that hasn’t happened yet. There’s a possibility she could show up to the funeral with him today. If she does, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stand it.

“There’s no deal, I just don’t want to be late. It’ll take half an hour to get there, and we still have to pick up the food.”

Her mouth twists as she moves toward me, placing a hand on her hip. “Don’t bother lying to me. I gave birth to you and raised you. I think I know you well enough to know when something is eating at you. You were in such a good mood all week, now you’re acting nervous and agitated. Does it have something to do with this woman you won’t tell me about? You might as well spill it. I’m your momma. You can talk to me about anything.”

I shake my head. The last thing I want to do is get into it about Cat now. Ma is likely to call her out in the middle of the funeral. Athena has never been one to hold her tongue, but that seems especially true when it comes to Cat.

“I’m fine. I guess all this stuff with Dave is messing with me,” I tell her. It’s not a complete lie. Watching Robbie and his family lose Dave has been hard. “I can’t imagine losing you or Dad.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, darlin’,” she says. “You’re not getting rid of my stubborn ass anytime soon.” We both laugh as she turns to grab her purse. “As for your father, he’s as healthy as an ox.”

Guilt twists in my gut, shame weighing heavy on my chest. My mother has already gone through what Sarah is going through now, and I hadn’t supported her during that time the way I should have. It was so unfair for me to place all the blame of my parents’ divorce on Bennet. The truth is, I was so angry, it was easier for me to channel all of it to him. I lost my family and the girl I loved, and it felt like I no longer had a safe place to land at the end of the day. But none of that was his fault.

“Mom?”

She hums in response as she riffles through her purse, and I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry I was so hard on Bennet all those years. I know it wasn’t his fault. I think deep down I always did.” Her back straightens as she slings her bag over her shoulder and pivots to face me, her brow bunched as she regards me with sad eyes. “And I’m sorry if you didn’t feel like you could mourn him the way you needed because of me…if you didn’t feel like you could talk to me.”

She walks toward me, her eyes glossed over with tears. When she comes to a stop, she averts her gaze, reaching for and adjusting my tie. “I know, baby. It’s okay.” She smooths my shirt before lovingly patting me on the chest, not meeting my eyes again before heading toward the door. “Now, come on before you make us late.”

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, my heart is beating heavily in my chest as we make our way into the funeral home. Dave’s wife, Sarah, is standing right inside the door. I greet her with a hug, allowing my eyes to roam through the crowded room in search of Cat. Her parents are seated a few rows back, but no Cat.

“Thank you for coming,” Sarah says with a warm smile.

She’s stayed unbelievably strong through all this. I’m not sure I could do the same in her shoes.

I spot Robbie as I step aside to let my mother speak with Sarah, and make my way over to him. He’s watching the picture slideshow of Dave, the same stoic expression on his face as Sunday night. Even though he seems calm and collected on the outside, I know he’s hurting. He and Dave have had their issues over the years, not unlike most parent/child relationships. The sicker Dave became, the more Robbie seemed to withdraw. To anyone who doesn’t know him the way I do, it may seem cruel. But it was the only way he knew how to deal with the pain he was feeling.

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