Page 51 of In Too Deep

Me: Perhaps.

30

Catelyn

Lizzy swings open the door and greets me with a beaming smile. The contrast in her now compared to this time last year is insane. She used to lie on the couch all day crying. I can’t count the number of times I came over and found her still in her pajamas, her eyes red and puffy.

“What’s that big smile about?” I ask, stepping into the foyer. “Is this still a honeymoon glow?”

My sister remarried last month, and I couldn’t ask for a better man for her and the kids. Brenden has been so good for all of them. Lizzy was so closed off, afraid of living life and going after the things she wanted for herself. Even before Xander’s death. Brenden opened her heart and so much more.

Lizzy laughs as she closes the door, her cheeks turning a rosy color as she gives me a shy shrug. “Well, I certainly have a lot to be happy about these days.”

“That you do. You’re welcome,” I tease.

When Lizzy met Brenden last year, she blew him off. She was still so consumed in her grief she couldn’t see past it. If I hadn’t intervened, she may not be where she is now. I think it’s the only time she didn’t get upset about me sticking my nose in her business.

She rolls her eyes. “And you? Do you have anything you’re exceptionally happy about right now? Any news you want to share?”

My eyes grow wider as my breath stills. The only thing different in my life over the past couple days is Lawrence, but there’s no way she could know about any of that.

I narrow my eyes at her. “No…what are you talking about?”

She looks like a kid who’s been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “What?” she breathes, turning her back to me as she heads to the kitchen. “Nothing. I was just asking you how things are going.”

“Elizabeth Shea,” I caution, following close behind her. “What are you hiding from me? We both know you’re horrible at keeping secrets. You might as well tell me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not keeping anything from you,” she squeaks, avoiding eye contact.

“Your voice went up about five octaves. You are definitely lying to me.”

She turns her back to me, busying herself with the dishes in the sink as I rack my brain, trying to figure out what this could possibly be about. She thought I had some news to share. Happy news. My heart sinks as I put the pieces together, my stomach rolling with panic. This is about Spencer. It must be. Brenden and Spencer have become close friends over the past couple months, and Brenden doesn’t keep anything from his wife.

“Does it have something to do with Spencer?”

“Who?” Lizzy hoots, her voice even higher than it was a moment ago.

Oh, God. It does. And there’s only one thing it could be that would make Lizzy assume I had happy news to share: Spencer is planning to propose. My head spins as I take a seat at Lizzy’s kitchen table. This is a moment that should fill me with excitement, but all I feel is anxiety. Spencer is an incredible man; any woman would be blessed to be able to call him their husband. Still, I’m not sure I’m the right woman. This certainly isn’t the right time. Especially with everything that happened and is happening with Lawrence.

Not only did I physically cheat on Spencer, but I’m also emotionally cheating on him as well. I’ve been so confused since Lawrence showed up at my house the other night claiming he wasn’t going to give up. It’s like I’m a teenager again, my heart and head pulling me in opposite directions.

The last thing I want is to hurt Spencer, but I need to tell him the truth. It’s the only way to make this right. That conversation seemed terrifying enough when I believed Spencer and I were on the same page regarding our relationship. I thought we were taking things slow, still figuring out if we are the right fit.

Spencer’s a romantic at heart, but I didn’t see this coming at all. How do you tell someone who wants to be with you for the rest of their life you don’t feel the same way? How do you tell them you betrayed their love and trust?

* * *

An hour later, I’m mindlessly looking at curtains in a sale aisle at Target, my head still swimming from my conversation with Lizzy, while Lori badgers me to tell her what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” I lie, only giving her a quick glance over my shoulder.

Normally, Lori would be exactly who I’d go to in this type of situation. She’s anti marriage, so I know she’d be on my side. Any other time, I would’ve felt comfortable telling her what happened with Lawrence. She’s never been one for judging people for their mistakes. But she and Spencer are so close, I’m not sure how her friendship with him will play into all this. I expect Spencer to hate me for what I did, but I can’t stand the thought of losing my best friend too.

Pulling a pair of curtains off the shelf, I turn to her. “Do you think these will look good in my bedroom?”

My attempt to distract her from the conversation fails, and her lips press together in agitation. “Catelyn Shea, how long have we been friends? Do you really think I don’t know when something is bothering you? Now, spill it.”

My shoulders fall in defeat as I throw the curtains in the cart. Lori can be tenacious—a writer who always gets the story. There’s no point in even trying to keep things from her. She won’t stop. “Fine…but do you promise you won’t say a word to Spencer?”

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