Page 50 of In Too Deep

When I walked into Robbie’s childhood home last week and saw Cat sitting there, it took my breath away. I expected her to be there, and thought I was prepared for it, but I was so wrong. There’s no way I could’ve anticipated the impact seeing her again would have on me.

The last time I’d seen her, she wouldn’t even look at me. But she greeted me with a warm smile that day at Dave’s, and it threw me for a loop. Later, as she was standing next to me, offering me what looked to be a used Kleenex, things felt almost normal between us. I told myself we were different people now, that we didn’t even know each other anymore. Still, it didn’t stop me from trying to get to know the person she’d become.

I think I fell in love with her all over again, watching her that day. Or maybe I never stopped falling all these years. Either way, I didn’t want my time with her to end.

I asked her to get something to eat with me on a whim and was surprised when she agreed so easily. By the end of our meal, I still had no clue what she was thinking, but I knew I couldn’t let her walk away without telling her how I felt.

My confession seemed to only anger her, so I was caught completely off guard when she kissed me, and a little freaked out. I knew she was in a relationship with Spencer and had no intention of ending it. I didn’t want to be that guy, but couldn’t simply ignore what happened either. That’s why I showed up at her house the next day. I never dreamed things would play out the way they had.

“I’ll be damned, it is a woman,” my mother declares, wagging her finger. “I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me. Tell me all about her. Is she a family woman? Does she go to church?”

I laugh and push off from the counter, shaking my head as I walk away from her. If I had it my way, I’d tell anyone willing to listen about Cat, but she needs more time. If that means there’s still a chance, that’s something I’m happy to give her.

Returning to her house after she kicked me out was a risk. I wasn’t sure she’d even let me in. I left the day before defeated; certain I’d lost her yet again. We’d just made love for the first time, and it was better than I ever could have imagined. I was buzzing with happiness, until I saw the panic and regret on her face. Her reaction blindsided me. She seemed so sure in the moment and so unsure after.

My defeat morphed into determination by the following morning. For years, I wished for a do over, and I knew I had to take my chance. Which is exactly what I’m doing.

“Fine, keep your secrets,” my momma mopes, following me into my office.

The truth is, I hate keeping all this a secret. Even though I believe things will have a different outcome this time, it’s hard to ignore the eerie similarities. We kept our relationship hidden from Robbie then, and we’re still hiding it now. Only, it’s worse now.

I slept with Cat knowing she was in a relationship with Spencer. After my mother had her affair, that’s something I swore I’d never do. Although it was my mother who cheated on my father, I didn’t blame her. My dad worked so much he was never around, and she was lonely. It was my stepfather, Bennet, the man she cheated with, I held responsible. I gave him hell the entire time he was married to my momma, and as it turns out, I’m a total hypocrite. Things look different in this light, and I get it now. He hadn’t set out to break-up my family or hurt my father, Bennet and my mother were in love.

I understand now my parent’s marriage was already over. Bennet had merely been the floatation device that allowed my mother to let go. Just as I believe Cat isn’t meant to be with Spencer, we’ve always been connected. Though, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried. Cat still seems to be holding on to her relationship with him. There’s a possibility she won’t choose me in the end.

“Lawrence? Did you hear me?” my mom asks, reminding me of her presence. When I look up, she’s standing on the other side of my desk, concern etched in her face. “Where did your mind go? Your entire face fell like someone told you your dog was dying or something.”

I shake my head to remove the negative thoughts. Her fear won’t allow her to let go yet, but Cat knows we belong together. She’ll make the right choice.

“I just realized I forgot to put my trash by the curb for pickup today,” I lie.

Her mouth twists as her hand lands on her hip. She clearly doesn’t buy my excuse, but she doesn’t push. “You’ve never been a good liar, son,” she says dryly.

Once I’m alone again, I pull my phone out of my pocket to send Cat a text.

Me: Good Morning, Beautiful.

A huge grin spreads across my face as I hit send, only to fall a second later. It probably isn’t wise to send messages like that without knowing if Spencer is around.

God, I hate having to worry about that.

Thirty seconds later, the ellipses pop up, and I hold my breath waiting for her reply.

Cat: Mornings are never good. They’re mornings.

Me: Maybe I’ll get the chance to change your opinion about that one day.

Cat: Shouldn’t you be working or something?

Me: Maybe, but I’m the boss’s favorite.

Cat: That just earned you a serious eyeroll.

Me: Don’t be jealous. I hear he’s pretty crazy about you.

Cat: I think maybe he’s just crazy.

I bark out a laugh. She has a point there. Wasn’t it Albert Einstein who said insanity is doing the same over and over again and expecting different results?

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