Page 148 of Failure to Match

“It is.”

“I don’t think?—”

“I’m already halfway there, okay?” I snapped in utter exasperation. “Weneedto stop. It will never just be sex for mewith you. I mean, just...lookat this place!” I released his face and gestured to our surroundings, to everything he’d created. “Look at how beautiful you are!”

I didn’t stand a chance.

I wished he could see himself through my eyes. He’d have no choice but to believe me then.

“It’ll be a nightmare,” I said. “Full stop. We’ll be married and I’ll be in love with you and you know what’ll happen then?”

He swallowed. Shook his head.

“I’ll start tohope, Jackson.” The path ahead was clear as day, and it was drenched in a whole lot of darkness, heartbreak, and despair. “Every time you kiss me, I’llhopeit means to you what it does to me. Every time you show me affection, I’llhopeit means that you’re starting to love me back. And I won’t be able to help it. So, unless…” My fingers pressed into my palms as my stupid heart skipped and stuttered. “Unless there’s like a chance you’ll… We should stop, if not.”

He stayed so silent for so long that it became suffocating.

I couldn’t handle it.

“Is there a chance that if… if we kept going and I fell in love with you... is there even a small chance that you could ever… feel that way about me, do you think?”

I didn’t know how many times I needed to hear it for the truth to sink in, but I promised myself this would be the last. I held my breath, waiting. It didn’t take long.

“No.”

To his credit, he said it quite softly. The fact that it landed like a punch to the gut wasn’t on him, it was on me. I’d asked for it.

“Okay.” I shot him a wobbly smile.Stupid, stupid, stupid.“Okay.” I didn’t know why I said it twice. He’d heard me fine the first time. “Can I just… It’s going to sound silly, but can you maybe say it? I think I’ve misread some of the signs and I need to hear the words for it to sink in, if that’s okay.”

His throat worked as he hesitated. I understood how ridiculous and unfair the request was, but I knew that if I didn’t hear the words for myself, I’d always cling on to theWhat If.

“I’m never going to fall in love with you.”

That punch didn’t go for the gut, it went straight to my heart. I winced.

“Jamie…”

“No, it’s okay, don’t worry about it, you really don’t have to explain. Thank you for your honesty, seriously. I just… misinterpreted our chemistry and you kissed my hand and it—not that it’s your fault. You couldn’t have been more clear with me from the beginning. So it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

He grabbed a hold of my wrist when I tried to slip off his lap. I couldn’t look at him anymore though.

“Wait, just?—”

“No, like, it’s okay,” I assured him, nodding aggressively. It would’ve been more convincing if a whole lot of tears hadn’t already started streaming down my chin and neck. “It’s okay. I get it, I really do. It’s fine. But let’s maybe try to avoid any unnecessary physical contact while I get over you, okay?”

Slowly, reluctantly, he released my wrist.

“I know you have some thinking to do, so… I’ll see you later then. And seriously, don’t worry about this, I’ll get over it—you, I mean. With a bit of time, so… yeah. Okay. I’ll see you later. At some point.”

Thankfully, I managed to hold the first sob until the door was shut and I was completely out of earshot.

Or maybe that was just another lie I chose to tell myself.

36

The Harrison twinswere permanently banned from speaking to me about Jackson, his parents, his upbringing, or any personal experiences they may have had while working for the Sinclairs. Molly had sent me a long message outlining the new restrictions (sounding rather chastised over the whole thing), and I hadn’t seen or interacted with either of them since.

Jackson had also been avoiding me.

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