Page 41 of Love and War

Misha hummed in thought as his hand drew lines up my back. “Frustration. Fear. It’s almost like déjà vu, you know? Like a rush of feeling that only lasts a second.”

I knew what he was saying, and as humiliating as it was that he would be subjected to my recovery now, there was no changing it. “Yes. And I’m sorry.”

I jolted when he touched me, but I leaned into it anyway, drawing him under the spray and pressing his body against mine. He still smelled like me, even as the remnants began to wash off under the steaming water, and I cupped his face, tracing the side of his mouth with my thumb.

“You know I understand, right?” he said after a beat. I liked the way his mouth felt, moving against my hand, and I dragged a touch over his lower lip as he smiled. “I mean, I don’t know exactly, but I know the feeling of betrayal. I know what it’s like to not have any control.”

There was a tremor in his voice and an accompanied rush of terror through the bond because he had more to lose than I did. In all reality, I would probably survive his death, even if it would weaken me. In the recorded history of our kind, only a handful of Wolves had died when an early bond was severed, and in each of those cases, they’d been near death themselves.

It seemed more like a cautionary tale than anything, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on if the shift killed him. We had been apart only a matter of days—unbonded—and even then, I had felt the profound ache of not having him with me.

I dropped both hands to his waist and held him against me, unmoving.

“What happens to me now?” he asked after a short forever of restless silence. “Do I have to stay here?”

“We’re bonded,” I told him. “Unless there’s a medical reason to keep you—or a security risk—I’m taking you home.”

“I think me being human might qualify,” he admitted, his voice low.

I let out a growl, unable to stop myself as my claws dug into his skin. “I won’t allow it.”

“Kor.” He pressed his hands against the tops of my shoulders, and I felt him rise up onto the balls of his feet. “You have a lot going on.”

“That doesn’t matter,” I told him, and although it wasn’t true—all of it did matter—I couldn’t afford the weakness of being separated from him. “I have to meet with Orion and see if he still has my back now that you and I have bonded. After that, I have to meet with the Alpha Council.”

“What are they going to decide?” Misha asked.

I hummed, then felt along the walls for a shelf of soap, but I met nothing apart from slick tiles. “Do we have anything to wash with?”

Misha stepped away, then returned and pressed a bottle and a washcloth into my hand. “It’s hospital stuff.”

Pouring soap into my palm, I lathered it up and then began a slow, meticulous journey across his bare, wet skin. My cock twitched, not quite coming to life, but I knew there would always be a simmering want for him just under my ribs.

“Orion and several others here want me to take up a leadership position on the Council,” I finally said, answering his question. “We normally don’t have more than one Alpha in a territory, but in times of war, exceptions are made.” I lifted his chin with one hand, dragging the pads of my fingers gently around his bite mark. I wished I could see it, only to tell if it was healing the way a Wolf would. He didn’t wince though, and it felt thicker than an open wound. “It’s not in our nature to follow more than one leader, and they haven’t wanted to appoint anyone until my return. That’s why Bryn sacrificed himself to get me out.”

I felt him swallow thickly against the pads of my fingers, and I traced a line down his sternum before cupping his limp cock and washing away what was left of his dried come.

“You’re worried,” Misha said after a beat. “I can feel it.”

“I don’t know that they’ll get behind a blind Wolf, and I haven’t had enough time to adapt. Permanent illness and injury are so rare for us.” I didn’t want to talk about how archaic it was that we found the disabled weak and unable to lead. It was something I myself had once believed, until I saw my troops taken down in battle.

I watched them lose limbs, lose the ability to walk, to see, to hear. And there wasn’t a single second after that in which I wouldn’t have placed my life in their hands. But not every Alpha had been on the front lines, and I still wasn’t sure who—apart from Lior—was on the Council.

It didn’t matter though. It was up to Orion to convince them that the people would follow me above anyone else. I was an icon—even if I couldn’t fight as well as I had before.

But now I wasn’t sure Orion would be at my side. Not after I had bonded with a human.

“Regret,” Misha whispered.

I shook my head, cupping his face again, and I backed him to the wall before I devoured his mouth. I felt regret, but not for him. Not for the bond, not for the link. “I always imagined when I met someone I could bond with, there would be euphoria—a ceremony. A honeymoon. I hate that we don’t have time for any of those things.”

I felt his smile against my lips. “We can write that down as a goal for after this is all over.”

Pressing my forehead to his, I took in a deep breath of his scent, which was mingled with the mineral from the underground water. “That could take years.”

He chuckled softly and traced my lips with his fingers, the way I had done to him. “It’s a good thing you bonded to a very patient man.”

* * *

---