Page 25 of Royal Surrogate 2

“I need to go.” My eyes are burning, my throat aching with the effort of holding down my sobs.

He blocks my path, his expression desperate, as I start toward the door.

“Please,” I say. My voice is so quiet I can barely hear it, but I force myself to look up into his sapphire eyes. “Please, Caspar. I just need… I need time. To think. To process. I need space. Please.”

I know I sound pitiful because I can see how my words melt him, make him go all soft.

And I feel myself going soft too, feel a desperate yearning to fold myself into his arms and assure him that everything will be all right.

But the betrayal is still there, too—sharp and angry and terrifying. After everything, I thought I was starting to know this man. I was so certain he wouldn’t hurt me, and now I’ve learned he’s been lying to me all this time. How many chances has he had to tell me the truth? How many opportunities to bridge this lie? I’ve suffered for months, suppressing my feelings, fighting against the emotional pull I felt toward him and this child, and all this time he’s had the means of easing that pain. He trapped me in a marriage and left me to suffer alone for months.

“Please,” I say one more time.

“Where will you go?” His voice is just as soft as mine.

“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. Maybe back home. Or maybe I’ll hop on the first train out of this place and see where it takes me. “Just…away.”

“Will you come back?”

I don’t have an answer to that one either, so I don’t say anything. And Caspar doesn’t try to stop me as I push past him and out the door.

I don’t know. That’s the answer to everything, to every twisting, painful, complicated emotion warring inside me right now. I don’t know where I’m going, or what I want, or how to make this better. I just know I need to go somewhere where his sapphire eyes don’t follow me, watching me like I’m taking his entire world away.

CHAPTER 20

Caspar

It feels as though it’s been months since I’ve moved from my bed. Years, perhaps.

My mouth is dry. There might be water on my bedside table, but it’s too much effort to lift my head to look. Instead, I pull the blankets over my eyes to prevent the sliver of sunlight I can see from the windows from reaching them.

I can’t remember the last time I felt like this. I don’t think I’veeverfelt like this.

I am a terrible human. I’ve ruined everything. And I did it to myself.

There’s a jostling at my door, and I grumble for them to go away. I might as well die of starvation or thirst at this point.

All at once, my covers are pulled from my body, and I scramble to cover my eyes as I notice the lights in the room have been turned on as well.

“Get up.” My brother Xavier’s voice booms from the edge of my bed.

I grumble something about the pointlessness of life, and Xavier grabs my ankles, pulling me toward him.

“I said to get up. Mother said you’ve been holed up in here for the past two days. It’s time to stop pouting and get up.”

“I’m not pouting,” I mumble as I sit, my arm still covering my eyes.

“You’re behaving like a spoiled toddler.” Xavier pauses. “Not that that’s unusual for you,” he adds.

“Very funny.” I finally rest my arm, blinking a few times to adjust my eyes to the light. “Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? It isn’t as though?—”

“You get in a fight with your pregnant wife, and you let her just storm out of here? Are you mad?” Xavier lifts me to my feet by the back of my neck. “Get cleaned up. You stink.”

“What’s the point?” I swat his hand away as I move toward the bathroom. “Renae is done with me. I told her. About the contract. She was livid.”

“Of course she was. You were an idiot.” He cocks his head as though I should have known this would have been the outcome.

“And?” I lift my hands in exasperation. “What am I supposed to do? She’s gone. She doesn’t want me.” And why would she? She was right about all the things she said. I was selfish. I had a million chances to tell her the truth about everything. And I waited until I had her in my bed—waited until I had her at her most vulnerable to tell her that I had basically enslaved her to be my wife. Why would she ever want me?

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