How?

Gwen curled in on herself, having to put her hands on the table to stay in her chair. This was a million times worse than she ever could imagine. How could the gods be so cruel?

No time.

She had no time to work through this new knowledge. She’d have to do that later. Dragging her head up, she looked at her brother.

He seemed beautifully at peace now, at least.

Rather than asking or denying any more, she simply said, “Tell me everything.”

“When I started to show the signs, I came here to the elder and she confirmed it. I didn’t tell anyone, because I had no intention of forcing our family to endure watching me die that way. I couldn’t do that to any of you. I also had no intention of waiting for the end to catch up with me. So when Asher told me about his mission, I volunteered to help him.”

Sounded exactly like Goran.

“I told him, after first binding him with a blood vow, that he could never tell anyone else.”

Her brother had told Asher. Asher had known all along.

And couldn’t say anything.

A blood vow meant his death if he did.

Gwen was tempted to clamp her hands over her ears and not hear any more. But she’d come this far. She had to know.

“I also made him promise that if either of us was ever caught, I would take the blame and the death that was the obvious punishment for spying on the dragon shifters. It was the perfect way to prove his loyalty.”

By killing his best friend?

“Because you were dying anyway.” Her voice was a harsh whisper, ragged in her throat.

Goran nodded. All the answer she needed. “I wanted to leave this world on my own terms.”

Gwen raised shaking hands to cover her mouth, rocking slightly. “You must have felt so alone. We could have been there for you?—”

“Watching the people I love suffer would have made it worse for me.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “But that’s what family does for each other, Goran.”

“I know.”

“You robbed us of the chance to be at your side, to love you through it…” She had to swallow back a sob, barely managing to keep it together. She forced her eyes open. “To say…goodbye.”

Goran reached across the table like he wanted to take Gwen’s hand, but at a movement to her left, he stopped. Her brother’s expression twisted, emotions flitting across his features in rapid succession, so many she could feel them like her own, but especially the sadness. “I…regretted it after,” he said. “Asher didn’t know what he was swearing to. He trusted me. And after I was gone, I couldn’t fix it.”

And I made it worse. I abandoned Asher. Blamed him. Ran from him. We all did.

She’d never hated him, though, even when she tried to make herself.

Goran drew a long, shuddering breath, like the weight of this regret had been on him all this time. “I messed up a lot of things.” He grimaced. “He lost part of his tail spike because of me.”

That’s when that had happened? How? She’d seen Asher directly after Goran’s death. He hadn’t appeared injured.

“I hurt him badly.”

Badly had to be a mild term for it. It would have had to be catastrophic to be permanent. Asher shouldn’t have even been walking when she saw him afterward.

Gods above. What else did I miss?