Page 12 of Harmony

But I did.

If only I hadn’t talked Maddie into coming for the duration of the tour and putting off her last semester of college…

But I did.

If only I hadn’t agreed to come back to the hotel last night with Maddie and Zane…

But I did.

And if only…

If only I hadn’t gone with Jesse last night to his room…

But I did.

It was wonderful, and I can’t bring myself to regret the act itself. But I have so much regret anyway. Regret that I even started this thing in the first place.

Why didn’t I leave well enough alone?

How selfish was it to force myself along on this tour and become a distraction Jesse didn’t need?

I should leave.

I want so desperately to fix this for Jesse, but I can’t. I have no resources in the UK. I have no musical resources in the US, for that matter. My only idea was Brock, and he torched that in a millisecond.

But Brock was right. This is the big chance for the band, and they can’t make do with an amateur drummer who hasn’t played in ten years.

If only…

If only…

If only…

I want to go home.

To go home to the ranch, where I’m appreciated. Where I’m needed. Where I’m not anyone’s distraction.

Dad would love it if I came running home. He’d put me to work right away, and I could dive into something—focus on something I love. That I’ve been groomed for my whole life.

My trees. My beautiful apple trees and peach trees.

And the Granny Smith orchard. Dad’s going to expand it. Expand my favorite apple.

I had an idea in my head, one I meant to talk to Dad about when I finished college. I want to curate some artisanal goods from our orchards. With Aunt Marjorie’s help, I could put together jams and jellies and butters.

If I hadn’t forced myself along on this trip, he and I could be talking about those ideas now. It’s only January, and there would have been enough time to look into sourcing and manufacturing, perhaps even getting an initial amount of product out by the fall.

But I didn’t mention it to Dad…

I didn’t mention it to him because it was more important that I come on this tour. That I be with Jesse Pike.

I put my childhood crush ahead of my family.

And I put it ahead of Jesse and the band.

How easy it would be to tell everyone I was flying home. That I changed my mind.

But then I look at Maddie…

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