Page 61 of While You Sleep

His frown deepened, his mouth opened, then shut. “You waited up for me?”

I guess I had. “Looks that way.”

He slipped his jacket off and strode over to me.

He was so tall and strong and beautiful.

So deadly and cold and ruthless—but not to me, not anymore.

He crouched in front of me. “I heard you last night, I just…didn’t think…” He shoved his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m just not used to people worrying—”

I pressed my finger to his gorgeous lips. I couldn’t hear how neglected he’d been his whole life, not right then. “You do now,” I said, letting him in a fraction more, letting him know a small part of how I felt.

His expression didn’t change, but his Adam’s apple slid up and down his throat. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

He strode off, but I couldn’t stop myself from following. It was pathetic. I was pathetic but I’d missed him. I’d been worried about him. I walked into the bedroom in time to see him putting his gun back in the safe.

“Did you use that tonight?” I asked. Women like me were raised not to ask questions. Depending on the man, questions like that could get you the back of a hand and a split lip, making sure you never got any stupid ideas and did it again. Cillian was cold and scary at times, but he’d never hurt me like that. Not physically at least, and not on purpose.

He slid a wicked-looking knife from his boot next and put it in the drawer in front of him, then turned to face me. “Do you really want to know the answer to that, pet?”

“Yes.”

His eyes burned into me. “I did.” He watched me, waiting for what I’d say, what I’d do.

What was there to say? He was who he was. He wasn’t going to change. This was his life, the way he’d been raised, and it was my life as well. He studied me, and at my silence, a shift came over him. The sharpness of his eyes, the way he held his mouth, even the way he stood all changed, as he put Cillian away and let Dean slide forward. He thought he’d scared me. He thought being himself wasn’t enough. God, it hurt to watch.

I walked over to him and pressed my hands to his chest.

“Soph,” he said, all Dean.

I hated it.

He cupped my face, and I saw a drop of blood on his sleeve.

He saw it as well and tried to drop his hand, but I held on, turning it over and undoing his cuff link. I did the same with the other, then slid my hand down his chest, undoing the buttons. He was utterly still, watching me with an intensity that made me breathless. I moved behind him and pulled his shirt off, tossing it in the laundry hamper, then moved to stand in front of him again, and tilted my head back, staring right into those unreadable eyes.

Right then, they were full of smoldering intensity.

“I’m not afraid, Cillian,” I said. “You don’t need Dean. I don’t need him.”

His chest expanded on his sharp indrawn breath.

“Do you feel anything? After you hurt someone?” I asked, needing to know all of this man, even the dark and ugly parts.

He studied me for several seconds. “No.”

That should terrify me, horrify me, but for some reason it didn’t. I wasn’t afraid. “Seamus said you used to watch movies, read psychology books, that you needed them to understand how to interact with others, is that true?”

He went very still. “Yes,” he finally said. “I watched movies and read books to help me understand the people around me, and to understand why I am the way I am.”

I nodded. I had no right to be horrified. I’d asked and he’d given me the truth, that was more than I’d ever gotten from my father. I wasn’t going to push for more, though, not now. “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” he said, his voice deepening, rolling with my change of subject as his gaze moved over me, trying to read me, my reaction to the things he’d said.

He meant me, but I ignored that as well, which wasn’t easy and took his hand. “Come on. I made you dinner.”

He stilled again, and I had to tug on his hand to get him moving. He followed me, an unreadable expression on his face. I sat him at the table and lit the candles again. He didn’t look away from me as I heated his dinner, then brought it over and put it on the table in front of him.

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