Page 60 of Necessary Cruelty

Nineteen

Jake doesn’t seemto notice that my mind is somewhere else for the rest of the Founder’s Ball. We dance and eat finger foods together, I even manage to smile and laugh at appropriate intervals. But my mind is on Vin and what he must be doing with Sophia.

I wonder if she even realizes that he is using her. For all I know, she doesn’t care.

Or maybe I’m the one he’s been playing this entire time.

What was it he had said? I chose you because I knew you’d be easy to control.

Sophia wouldn’t know how to play hard to get if you gave her a script with lines to read, so Vin certainly doesn’t need me.

I hate that the realization bothers me.

“Ready to go?” Jake smiles at me in the same gentle way he has since that first morning in the hallway at school.

I realize I’ve missed a good portion of whatever he last said, but nod anyway and return his smile.

He leads me to the door, obviously intending to give me a ride home. I’d gotten a ride here with my brother and a friend of his that managed to get their hands on a car, but Zion is long gone. I don’t have any way to get back to the Gulch unless Jake takes me or I try to bum a ride with Amelia’s family, if they have any room in their van.

But Jake’s question, if I’m ready to leave with him, feels charged with an unspoken invitation.

He drives a gleaming Land Rover Defender that can’t be more than a few years old, but shrugs apologetically when I stroke my hands over the plush leather interior and obviously marvel at the bells and whistles. It’s probably a hand-me-down, from his mother most likely.

Suburban mom’s in luxury SUVs that were originally intended for tours through the African savannah are a common sight on the Bluffs. This is a car for people who apparently need to always be ready for an off-road excursion on their way to the grocery store.

An expensive waste of resources for the self-indulgent.

But Jake is gracious enough to act embarrassed about the ostentatious vehicle. It reminds me of the kind of person who spends all day cleaning and when you arrive gushes don’t mind the mess. I get the impression that he knows his family’s money is something he should pretend not to care too much about.

“I had fun,” he offers, taking my hand as he settles into the driver’s seat.

I smile and squeeze his hand back, though I’m grateful when he pulls it away to put the SUV into drive. His palm is slightly clammy, sweaty like I make him nervous.

Jake is acting so sweet, and all I want to do is go home, crawl into bed, and stay there for the rest of the weekend. It isn’t his fault that my mind has careened off into outer space. But I can’t rewind the clock to an hour ago before I let Vin finger me in a dusty bedroom and then watched him saunter off with Sophia like it never happened.

Normally my restricted speech is a burden. But right now I’m grateful for it. If I can’t tell Jake the truth, then it saves me from having to lie. He won’t ask me any uncomfortable questions when he knows I can’t provide the answers.

Because if I did speak, then I’d have to explain to him that this isn’t going to work, and I’d rather put off the inevitable. Like a coward, I don’t want to let him down when I have to be here for his reaction.

But it isn’t because of Vin.

My focus needs to stay on getting out of this town and forging a future for myself as far from this place as I can get. Anyone that might tie me tighter to Deception needs to be abandoned, or ignored. For all of his kindness, Jake is another tether to this town that I don’t want. When it’s finally time to leave, I don’t want anything holding me back.

Halfway down the cliff-side road, I realize he doesn’t know where to go. Reaching for his phone, I plug my address into a navigation app and hold it up for him to see.

Jake makes a grateful sound, but barely glances at the screen as he drives toward the Gulch.

I can’t decide if I should be flattered or freaked out that he already seems to know where I live.

The Land Rover slides smoothly up to the curb in front of my house, stopping right behind a black pickup truck. A shiny gold Cortland Construction logo is emblazoned on both its sides.

My house looks dark on the inside, so Zion isn’t home yet, assuming he plans to come back tonight at all. The workers must have finished for the night by now, which means they left the truck full of supplies for when they return. I’m surprised Vin hasn’t already called off whatever work he authorized they get done, but he’ll likely get to it in the morning.

After Sophia is done sucking his dick.

I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.

Those words have become a mantra I say to myself over and over again in my head, hoping that at some point I’ll actually believe it.

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