Page 18 of Necessary Cruelty

The day I leave this town, whether it’s by bus or train or walking barefoot down the dusty highway, will be the best one of my life.

Sophia steps up behind me for the metal detectors with a group of other girls falling into line behind her like ducklings after a demented Mother Goose. She likes to fancy herself the queen bee of Deception High, but the Vice Lords are the only ones really in charge here. The founding families have always ruled this town, and it’s hard to imagine that ever changing. Even though her father owns the largest dental practice in town and she has a beautiful house up on the Bluffs.

Money and power are like conjoined twins that would die if they ever got separated, but that doesn’t make one the same as the other.

She might have her mindless little followers, but everyone knows who sits on the throne.

We all have our delusions. I don’t begrudge Sophia her own, if that’s what makes living through another day seem worth it.

Most days, the disdainful treatment she subjects me to isn’t anything worse than what everyone else on the bottom of the social hierarchy gets. That happens to be one of the few positive aspects of being totally silent — sometimes people forget I’m here at all. There are always new targets for someone bent on teenage sociopathy. Her need to ensure the social pecking order stays intact almost makes some sort of twisted sense.

For someone to be on top, someone else has to be on the bottom.

Reinforcing the natural order of things by planting her flag at the mountain summit is all that keeps her from tumbling down to earth with the rest of us.

Sometimes I wonder if there might be at least a little misplaced jealousy there. Sophia doesn’t know for certain what goes on between Vin and I, but she has to sense that what lies between us isn’t fit for polite conversation. The true irony is that I would gladly switch places with her in a heartbeat, even if she’ll never know it.

We have English together, and I’ve seen her notebooks. She writes Mrs. Sophia Cortland on them over and over again to practice her cursive.

“Did I tell you guys what happened after the party last weekend?” Her voice is high-pitched with the forced volume of someone who desperately wants to be overheard. “Vin and I were getting hot and heavy in his bedroom, and then I woke up the next day with all these curly hairs stuck in my teeth.”

Another girl lets out a choked laugh, but I don’t look back to see who it is. “That is so gross.”

I put my bag on the little conveyer belt as I wait for the people ahead of me to slowly make their way through the metal detector. The guy ahead of me is being forced to remove every metal piercing in his body, including the ones that are covered by his clothes. I can only hope that the belly button ring is the southernmost piece as I wait for him to finish.

“I love the manly types, but I have to get him onboard with manscaping.” Sophia laughs, the sound vaguely reminiscent of nails on a chalkboard. “It actually kind of reminded me of Zaya’s little nappy hairs. Shaving her head would be better than whatever is going on there.”

Sophia won’t talk directly to me, even when the conversation is clearly meant for my ears. For all her bravado, she knows better than to do that. But she clearly has no problem talking about me loudly enough that anyone within twenty yards can hear her.

I tell myself that nothing these girls can think to say will bother me. The obvious ways that I’m different from them will always be a target for ridicule. If my hair looked like something out of a shampoo commercial, they’d still find a way to turn that into a negative.

Unfortunately for me, there aren’t enough hot tools or styling products in the world that can make my messy riot of kinks and curls conform into anything like the perfect blonde waves framing Sophia’s face.

I accepted who I am a long time ago. The only other choice was to curl up into a ball and die. My nappy hair. My unfashionably dark skin that dries out in unsightly white patches if I forget to moisturize. Full lips that Sophia likes to spitefully whisper are only good for sucking dick since I never speak. At least she didn’t stoop to calling my mother a coonhound, a favorite insult among the smaller-minded residents of Deception in the last few years.

My gaze flicks over Sophia’s face as I wait for my bag to slide into the X-ray machine. Our gazes meet, and the desperation in her eyes is obvious from a mile away to anyone looking for it. She needs all of our attention to distract herself from whatever is going on inside her head. No girl who chases after a guy like Vin Cortland is capable of loving herself.

If I can sympathize with anything, it’s self-hatred.

For a moment, I wonder if a version of reality exists where we could have been friends.

“It’s always a shame when good bloodlines end with mutts.” Sophia stares into my face as she says it.

Yeah, friends will probably never be an option. Not mortal enemies might even be a bridge too far.

I pass through the metal detector and grab my bag without looking back at the girls behind me. In a different sort of life, I would have made a snarky comeback or tried to put them in their place. But they aren’t worth it, not given the potential consequences.

In the past, I’ve risked Vin’s wrath to give the bitches at school as good as I got. It didn’t take long for me to realize that depriving them of any entertainment from my reaction is a far better strategy. After a while, my silence gets boring. Mocking me just isn’t fun anymore.

Maybe it’s maturity, or maybe I just don’t want to give Vin another excuse to come after me.

It isn’t until I look up again that I notice Elliot Spencer standing on the opposite side of the metal detector, arms crossed over his chest as he lounges against the wall. Elliot doesn’t hold a candle to Vin when it comes to the danger factor, but his reputation as a brawler is well earned. He hangs around the Gulch sometimes when he’s in the mood for a fight, something that can always be found in my neighborhood. Back in the days when Deception was just a mining settlement, his family's property was adjacent to mine.

Because of his size, he has a tendency to go after the bullies. Although if anyone is dumb enough to thank him for coming to their defense, he has no problem beating on the little guys, too.

Our gazes meet for a brief second before he looks past me.

“Hey, Soph,” he says conversationally, light-green eyes glittering with menace. “What was it you were saying about Vin’s hairy dick. I want to make sure I get it right when I tell him about it later.”

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