Page 81 of Take My Hand

As much as Hayden and the guys seem to love and respect their manager, he’s still their boss at the end of the day. And I don’t think him trying to play mediator when from what Hayden has told me, none of their big issues come from disagreeing on business decisions, is the best route.

“Have you forgiven Reid?” I ask Scar delicately. I wouldn’t blame her if she hasn’t.

She grimaces, chewing on my question for a minute. “For what he did to me? Yes. But for what it did to Walker? No.” A coldness settles over her voice as she says it, chilling the warm air of the room.

I understand that. “It’s easier to get past the hurt done to you than to someone you love.”

“I would let it all go. Truly. I would move past it, never speak of it again, if I thought that Walker could move past it. And he’s trying, I know he is. But Reid can’t help himself from digging at him and poking at the exposed flesh his actions caused.”

It’s one step forward, three steps back scenario when it comes to the guys' friendship. The love and history run deep, and that’s what makes the hurt run deeper.

“What if we tried getting them all together in a more casual setting? Outside of job obligations or traveling for shows. When’s the last time they all hung out just because they wanted to?” I ask.

“Not since I’ve been around,” Scar says, gears turning behind her eyes. “What did you have in mind?”

I shrug, not really having thought anything through. “A dinner maybe? Just a casual night in at one of their places? Maybe Nikolai’s since he seems to be the most neutral ground.”

Scar sits up, thinking it over. “That might not be a bad idea honestly…I mean, if it blows up in our faces, then at least we tried. They owe it to themselves and each other to try to resolve things one last time before they call it quits after their last show Labor Day weekend.”

“I agree. At the very least, I’d like for Hayden to have peace of mind that he tried. That they all did.”

Scar whips her phone out and fires off a text while she says, “I’m gonna talk to Jane. She was planning to visit soon and maybe we can time it when she’s here, too. She can be a good buffer for the guys since she’s known them for as long as they’ve been friends.” Her eyes flick up to mine. “Did you meet her when she came to Dallas for that show this spring?”

“I saw her backstage but didn’t get the chance for an introduction.”

“You’ll love her,” Scar says as she types away. If she’s anything like her twin brother, Walker, then I’m sure I will.

We chat for a while longer and by the time I’m walking Scar to the door, the shock and numbness from last night has almost worn off completely.

She stuffs her feet back into her boots, then after a brief moment of hesitation, she pulls me in for a hug.

“I remember how scared you were to be on your own months ago and even when I came over to help you move, I could see that self-doubt in your eye,” she says into my shoulder before pulling back and locking me into her stare. “But look around you, Carter. You’ve done it. And I’m fucking proud of you.”

She gives my arm one last squeeze before swinging the door open and stepping into the hall with a wave.

The latch clicks shut and I rest my back against the door, letting her words sink in and looking around my apartment.

The kitchen is a little messy, the photos on the wall are slightly crooked, and my TV still doesn’t have all my streaming channels hooked up because I haven’t been able to figure out how to download them all. But it’s mine. It’s all mine.

A small sense of pride bubbles inside as I walk back into my living room and pick up my phone. I have multiple missed calls from Hayden, as well as a text letting me know he’ll respect my space but he wants to talk when I’m ready.

The sight of his name brings a stab to my chest and I know I need to talk to him. And while he’s shown me that I can trust him and that he’s a good man, there’s still that little seed of doubt that maybe last night was too much for him. That he will so vehemently disagree with my past choices and it could be a deal breaker for him.

It’s a painful thought, but I do my best to push it aside and not let my worries run wild with it. It’s not fair to him to expect the worst when so far, he’s only shown me compassion and understanding through everything else.

But as the shock of last night has worn off and I scroll through some of the articles speculating about the fight inside the club, seeing Reid and Hayden scuffling with Daniel, a swell of anger, bright and vicious, sweeps through me. The full weight and betrayal of what he did last night sinks in and instead of allowing myself to wallow in the shame that I carry with me, the fear of Hayden’s reaction, or the unease of the media catching wind of the full story, I focus on the one thing that feels good.

Rage.

28

HAYDEN

Ihad called and filled my parents in about my relationship with Carter after the dinner I had with her dad and we made it official so they didn’t find out about it from the press. But that hasn’t stopped my mom from peppering me with more questions since the photos from the club circulated a few days ago. She’s already anticipating meeting her, hopefully soon, but I haven’t been able to match her enthusiasm since I still haven’t heard from Carter. It’s been three days and it has taken every ounce of willpower I have in my body to not break down her door and demand she talk to me.

Scar let me know she’s talked to her, so at least I know she’s alive and her phone is still working. I’ve even driven by her apartment a few times, like a total fucking creep, checking to make sure her lights are on and she’s still here.

But I’m giving her the space she requested, even if it slowly chokes me.

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