Page 62 of Take My Hand

I scoff at that. “Yeah, I’m sure they all were.”

He rips his sunglasses off his face and bores his dark brown eyes into mine. “They were. Each one of them,” he emphasizes. “I tried to play mediator between the four of you back in April and it went to shit because of what Reid did. And I’m not trying to excuse his behavior?—”

Good. There’s no excuse for leaking false information to the press about Walker’s girlfriend.

“But as an outsider looking into the four of you, who has also known you for years, I can see that he’s hurting. That you’re all hurting. You’ve made strides in the last year that I’m so proud of.” Arun pauses and brings his fist up to his mouth, clearing his throat and it’s then that I notice his eyes have gone misty.

“You and Nikolai went through something that no one should have to witness. And I’m very proud of the way you two have jumped back into things this year when I know it’s been hard. But the two of you have been so blinded by your own pain that you haven’t seen that your friend is struggling too.

“You four have made your decision and I’m not going to try to talk you out of it. I do hope that one day, you’ll be able to get past the bullshit because I still remember you all as the eighteen-year-old kids showing up in my office, begging for a chance with stars in your eyes. And I don’t want you to throw away the career you’ve built, or the friendship and love you have for one another.”

A lump sits heavy in my throat, and I chew on the inside of my cheek, thinking over his words.

Have I really been so caught up in my own head that I’ve missed something with Reid? I think back to the beginning of this year when we started the tour. Reid kept us all at an arm's length and I didn’t really think twice about it because he’d been distant over the break as well. Whenever I tried to chat with him, see how he was doing, he shut me down and pushed me away. After a couple tries, I guess I just stopped trying. Thought I needed to focus on myself anyway.

But was I wrong to do that? Should I have pushed harder?

I honestly don’t know. And then all the shit with him and Scar blew up and I was so angry at his betrayal not only on Scar’s behalf, but for Walker and the rest of us, too. We’ve always been a united front against the press over the years.

Every single rumor that got out there, whether it be about Nikolai’s salacious hookups, Reid’s bar fights, trying to say that we all can’t really play our instruments and we have ghostwriters, whatever it may be. We always stood united and backed each other up.

So by him doing what he did, he broke the trust the four of us had.

And whether he’s hurting or not, I can’t just let him off the hook for that. Even as guilt begins to eat away at my insides like acid at the idea that maybe I should’ve tried to talk to him more.

“It’s just all gotten so fucked up,” I say, dragging my hands down my face.

Arun nods his head solemnly. “I know. And I wish I could fix it. And it kills me to admit that because you know there's a lot I can do, but getting you all back on the same page is out of my expertise.”

“You’ve done more for us over the years than I can ever thank you for.”

“It’s been the highlight of my career working with you boys. But,” he says, shaking his head as if he can etch-a-sketch the emotion out of his voice, “I still should say that it was very unprofessional of you to miss today’s commitments.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“But as your friend”—he places a hand on my shoulder, imploring me to look him in the eye—“I’m happy that you found some peace today. And I’m glad you took the time to enjoy it. You deserve it.”

“Thank you,” I tell him, my throat tight.

He straightens up and slings his suit jacket over one shoulder. “But next time you skip out to be balls deep in our photographer, I’ll drag you out of bed myself and throw you into an interview in your birthday suit.”

“How did you?—”

He gives me a look. “I wasn’t born yesterday. I’m happy for you, but I’m not dumb.”

My cheeks flame. “Sorry,” I say sheepishly. “It won’t happen again.”

Well, me skipping out on a work commitment.

Sleeping with Carter though? That’s happening again.

“Good.” Arun claps me on the shoulder and yells toward the trailer, “Show time, boys! Get out here.”

The door swings open and the three of them come out. We fall in line behind Arun as he leads us over to the stage.

Walker comes up beside me while Nikolai and Reid fall back slightly.

“You alright?” he asks me, green eyes shining with concern and again a shot of guilt cuts through me that I didn’t answer any of his texts earlier, wondering where I was.

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