Page 53 of Take My Hand

“I understand you wanting to give me time to process what happened between us, and it’s thoughtful of you to keep that all in mind. But let me tell you this once and it’s the last time I’m going to reassure you of it. I told you last month that I didn’t have any feelings left for my ex. I meant it then, and I mean it now.

“And for the record, I liked the way you handled me. I’m not going to break under your touch; it sets me on fire. And it’s all I could think about this past week. And how I wanted more.”

His jaw ticks, and he shifts in his chair. My words hang in the air, the offer I put out on the table clear as day. I’m not going to play games and I don’t think Hayden is the type to do so either.

“If there wasn’t this table between us right now, I would kiss you,” he says, voice low and heady.

A breath I didn’t know I was holding falls out, and I give him a sly smile. “You can save it for later.”

The waiter approaches with Hayden’s food, breaking the serious moment between us. Hayden thanks the guy and wastes no time digging into his own sandwich.

He takes a bite and pauses, his eyes flicking up to me. “Holy shit, you weren’t lying. This is amazing.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” I respond and the double meaning to my statement settles between us. He nods, digesting it, and then continues to ravish his food.

“What time do you have to leave for the show? Scar mentioned you guys have an interview beforehand.”

Hayden throws his head back and groans. “I can’t do it today,” he says to the ceiling. “I can’t fucking do it.”

“The show?”

He shakes his head and takes a sip of water. “The interview. I can’t sit there while they ask the same bullshit questions and we have to give the same bullshit answers as if we don’t know we’re lying through our teeth about the band's future. And we’re so on edge about slipping up…”

“Why do you have to do them at all? If you’re going to be done soon.”

He laughs bitterly. “Contracts. We’re locked into them. And I get it, it’s part of the job. It just doesn’t help my anxiety when I’m already on edge with the show tonight in an open field.”

I finish the last bite of my food and push my plate away so I can reach across the table and lay my hand over his. Sparks fly through my fingers at the touch and he turns his hand over so our palms can rest against each other. His is shaking slightly and I give it a small squeeze.

“And I haven’t heard from Will in a couple of weeks,” he continues, letting his stress bleed out and I listen intently, wanting to show him how much it means to me that he’s trusting me with it and not trying to lock it inside. “I know he’s alive at least because my mom has been in touch with him. But he won’t respond to any of my texts or answer my calls.”

“Are you two close?”

“Yeah. I mean, I thought so,” he says on an exhale. “I’ve been close with both of my brothers all my life, but ever since the incident, Will has closed off.”

I don’t quite know what to say to try to appease his concern for his brother. I’m an only child and have never known what it’s like to have a sibling bond. But I can tell from the strain around his mouth and the tightening of his eyes that he’s worried about him.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine the amount of stress you have on your shoulders right now with the future of your career, the worry over your brother, as well as doing these large shows.”

He shrugs, trying to downplay his very valid feelings.

“What can I do to help you?” I ask him.

“This,” he says, giving my hand a slight shake. “Just sitting here with me, helping distract me.”

“Okay. Then I’m here. And tonight at the show, if you find yourself getting anxious, just find me. Find me and focus on me.”

He toys with the straw in his water. “That means a lot to me, Carter. I hope you know that.”

It means a lot to me, too.

“Can I ask you something?” I ask, changing the topic.

“Anything.”

I let go of his hand to allow him to continue eating but he just picks at the rest of the food.

“Why is it so important for you to control when we’re…you know. Together?”

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