Page 52 of Take My Hand

“Do you wanna sit?” I offer, gesturing to the empty chair across from me.

He looks around, likely checking to see if anyone is paying him any attention. But the hotel restaurant is fairly empty as it's past the lunch rush, but too early for the dinner crowd. The table I’m sitting at is tucked in a back corner, so it's semi-private.

“Do you, uh—” He scratches the back of his neck. “Would you mind switching seats?”

I cock my head at him.

“I don’t like having my back toward the entrance of a room,” he says sheepishly and the moment it clicks for me, I’m pushing my chair back and moving my food to the other side of the table.

“Thank you, I’m sor—” he starts to say, but I cut him off.

“Don’t apologize. It’s no problem.” As I scoot around him to take my new spot, I lay a gentle hand on his arm. “I get it.”

I can imagine how in every public space he’s in, his nerves are heightened. Watching everyone around for the slightest suspicious behavior, always preparing for where he could run to or hide if need be.

It must be exhausting.

We both settle in and the waiter comes back over to take Hayden’s order. If he recognizes Hayden, he doesn’t say anything. I’m sure the staff is aware of who’s staying in their hotel tonight and was told not to make a big deal about it.

“So, you ever played a show in New Jersey?” I ask, grabbing a fry. I’ve never been here before, and that’s another reason why I love this job so much. Some many new places to visit that would’ve taken me years to see if it was just up to me.

He nods. “A few times over the years. But never this festival before, so it should be cool. Something different.”

“At least it’s not insanely hot today.”

“Thank God. And we’re second to last tonight, so it should cool off even more before our set.”

He folds his hands on the table in front of him, twiddling with the straw wrapper from my drink. His knuckles are sprinkled with scabs in the midst of healing following his destruction of the mirrors during our shoot. I pause my eating for a moment, feeling awkward while he doesn't have any food.

But he notices and waves me on. “Don’t stop on my account. Eat it while it’s hot.”

I give him a small smile and continue. A silence falls between us and it’s slightly uncomfortable. Are we going to talk about what happened between us the last time we saw each other earlier this week? We haven’t spoken since the photoshoot and subsequent activities after. He texted me once I left to make sure I got home safe, but I won’t lie. It hurt my feelings that he never followed up with me after that.

After he was the one who brushed me off afterward though, claiming he had work to do, I didn’t feel like it was my responsibility to be the one to reach out to him. But sitting here now across from him, the tension thick in the air between us as we watch each other, I can’t take it.

“Do you regret it?”

Hayden’s eyes instantly soften. “No, not at all.” He pauses, searching my face. “Do you?”

“No. But by the way you blew me off after and then didn’t text or call me, I was starting to think you did.”

“I just wanted to give you some space. Let you cool off. Let us both cool off.”

“Cool off?”

“Give you some time to think about things when we weren’t in the same room together, charged up after the shoot.” He shrugs. “Time to think about what I said and I don’t know. Just process it all, I guess.”

I lean an elbow on the table and place my chin in my hand, studying him. “That’s nice of you, but it was too much space. You allowed my mind to run wild with thoughts and assume the worst. Or you didn’t like me like that and you had just got caught up in the moment.”

He shoots forward in his chair. “That wasn’t the case at all. I’m telling you now, I don’t regret it. I just…” He pauses, running a hand down his face. “I didn’t know how you would react to me taking…charge like that after the high of everything wore off. I didn’t go easy on you when you…you know.” He darts his eyes down to his lap. “I didn’t know how you would feel about it once you came down, so I wanted to give you time.” His eyes find mine and refuse to let them go as he continues, “And I do like you like that. I really fucking like you, Carter. And that’s why it scared me that maybe you wouldn’t want me back.”

Heat rushes to my cheeks, and I duck my head, his attention all-consuming and overwhelming when he’s locked into me like that. A dozen butterflies set off in my stomach at his words.

“That would’ve been nice to hear five days ago,” I tell him, but there’s no animosity behind it.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I just wanted to give you time to think it over. You just got out of a long-term relationship and I don’t want to rush you into anything you might not be ready for.”

Taking a sip of my Diet Coke to clear my throat, it’s my turn to look him dead in the eyes for the next part to ring as loudly to him as his words earlier did to me.

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