Page 118 of Take My Hand

His voice fell over me like a weighted blanket, suffocating my panic and snuffing out the anxiety that clawed at my chest. When I looked up, his kind, brown eyes were locked in on mine and I wanted to get lost in them because for some reason, they seemed safe. And I craved that safety more than I craved the next shaking breath I sucked into my lungs.

Hayden’s attention dives around the car's interior, listing off things he can see.

“Good, now three things you can hear.” I press myself into his side, laying my head on his shoulder as his body begins to finally relax, muscles uncoiling themselves from the live wires they’ve been for the past hour.

He sinks back into the leather seat. “The hum of the car, honking outside, and your voice,” he says faintly, exhaustion hitting him as the last of his panic recedes.

I place my hand on his thigh and squeeze. He’s worked his way out of it and I know that bone-deep exhaustion is pulling him under. I snuggle close beside him as he drifts off to sleep, body curled into mine, seeking my comfort for the rest of the drive through the city.

40

CARTER

Atickle on the back of my neck stirs me out of a shallow sleep. Bringing my hand out from under the blankets, I run it over my neck, only to find Hayden’s mouth pressed just below my ear. I caress the side of his head, letting my fingers stroke over the soft strands of hair that must’ve been what roused me.

“I love you, Carter,” he says faintly between his gentle kisses.

I’ll never get tired of hearing those words fall from his lips and straight into my heart. “I love you, too,” I say, voice cracking from sleep.

I peer over to the nightstand to peek at the clock.

Almost 1:00 am. I haven’t been asleep for very long. Once I got Hayden out of the car and upstairs, we took a quick shower together and crashed. He could barely keep his eyes open by the time he hit the pillow.

Sleep didn’t pull me under quite as easily. Instead, I laid on my side and listened to the deep sounds of his breathing, watching his inked chest rise and fall. His forehead lost all traces of panic and fear as he drifted off, and for the first time that night, I felt like I could relax a bit, too.

He looked so peaceful and young as he slept. Too young to have already experienced such horrible things. But then again, life doesn’t care how old you are when it throws things at you and tells you to deal with it.

I don’t know what time it was when I finally fell asleep, but it doesn’t feel that long.

My back is curled against Hayden’s chest, and he wraps an arm around me, caging me in.

It feels right. Having his arms around me, his smell enveloping me, his lips pressed to my neck and his words of love filling my chest.

“Thank you for being there for me tonight,” he says.

I place my hand over the arm wrapped around my torso to keep him in place. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. I’ll always be there for you, and it’s nice to finally repay the favor for all the times you’ve been there for me.”

He scoots away and rolls me onto my back, so he can look at me as I turn my head toward him. I can barely make out his features in the low light, but I can feel his eyes on me. I can always feel when he’s looking at me. I hope I never lose that feeling.

“It’s not something we need to keep score of, okay? That’s just what we do for each other,” he says, cupping my face and brushing the hair away from my cheekbone.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Later.”

“Deal.”

He leans down and brings his lips to mine, gently parting them and kissing me. I loop my arms around his neck and pull him closer, needing to feel his skin against mine. Neither of us bothered getting dressed after our shower so there are no physical layers to shed between us.

And no emotional layers to shed, either. I’ve seen him in his most vulnerable state and he’s seen me in mine. There’s something freeing about it, knowing that the person you love can see you like that and stick by your side through it, not balk or run or question if they can handle it.

He’s there for me and I’m there for him and there’s never been any questions asked about it. We simply saw what the other person needed and acted.

Fuck, it makes me love him even more.

He braces himself with a hand near my head while his body settles over mine, his hardness brushing against my stomach and we both let out a groan. He breaks the kiss to lick down the column of my throat, peppering my collarbone with little nips and kisses. I weave my hands into his hair, needing to hold on to something as my hips buck, seeking what I know only he can give me.

But as he pins my waist with his free hand and I know where this is going, I know what I need to do. What I need to test with him.

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