Page 112 of Take My Hand

His jaw clicks, before he turns his attention back to the drink in front of him. “It was nothing.”

“Please.” I scoff. “It was not nothing. I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

He stays quiet, staring ahead at the shelves of liquor behind the bar.

“Is there something between you and Jane?” I ask. It’s something I’ve suspected for a while now, but haven’t been brave enough to ask him. But after seeing the way she moved around his kitchen like she owned the place, and stepped in on his behalf against her own brother…it’s the little things that add up to bigger things.

He raises a finger at the bartender for another one and slides his empty glass away from him.

“Walker will fucking kill you, you know,” I tell him with a heavy sigh.

“There’s nothing going on,” he says and I can taste the lie the moment it's spoken.

“C’mon, man. I know there’s—” I start, but he whips his head in my direction with such force it startles me. So at odds with his usual playful, light demeanor.

“Look, I’m happy that Will is going to get help and I’m happy that the help that you sought out did it for you. And clearly talking shit out is the way that you like to handle things, but it’s not for everyone. Sometimes you just gotta let that shit lay, okay?” he says.

I frown at him. “That’s exactly the type of attitude that led me to being on a red eye to go see my little brother in the hospital.”

Nikolai’s face is stony, not budging.

“Fine.” I sigh, draining the last of my drink and ordering another. “You know I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

Nikolai plays with the edge of the cocktail napkin under his fresh drink as he mutters through his teeth, “Can’t change the past, so why bother bringing that shit up time and time again?”

It’s not that I want to live in the past. Hell, the thought of it scares the shit of me. But I also tried to just keep everything inside for so long and I know how it ate away at me. I just don’t want the same thing to happen to Nikolai where he just constantly tries to outrun it all by chasing the next high and falling in love with woman after woman.

“You’re right, you can’t change it,” I agree. “So, did you see the announcement Arun drafted?” If we’re already on depressing subject matters, we might as well chat about that. Arun emailed the four of us this morning with a drafted breakup announcement that will be posted to all of our socials next Tuesday morning.

We have our final show this Saturday and none of us want to waste much time in getting it over and done with once our final appearance is over.

“I did. What did you think?” Nikolai asks.

I shrug. “Not much to think about it. It’s straightforward enough. I don’t know.” I run a hand through my hair, “It is what it is at this point.”

“Yeah,” Nikolai says solemnly. “I just never thought it’d actually get here, you know? I mean, we knew it was coming. But it’s another thing to have it be something in the future to worry about later, and then seeing it written in black and white and staring us in the face.”

“I know. I really thought we would figure it out eventually.”

“Me too,” he says, shaking his head and staring down into his drink.

We transition into some lighter conversation, talking about his upcoming trip to New Zealand that he just booked to do some hiking and get away once the breakup announcement hits the news. I show him some of the finished photos of different rooms in my house, showing off my work on my kitchen cabinets and Carter’s dad's work on the new bathtub in the main bathroom.

We pay our tabs and I don’t miss the way that Nikolai doesn’t pocket the receipt with the bartender's number written on it with a smiley face for him.

As we’re walking out, Nikolai snaps his fingers and turns to me as if just remembering something. “I meant to ask you at the dinner but didn’t want to bring it up in front of Carter. Has she heard from Daniel since the club?”

Just his name sends a shockwave of fury through my veins.

“No, and thank fucking god,” I say. He had blocked her after they broke up, and she later told me that she blocked him in return. I’m sure if he really wanted to, he could find a way to reach her, but after the damage Reid did to his face that night, I don’t think he’d come back around.

Besides, it’s not like he wants Carter anyway. He just wanted to hurt her one final time, and he did.

“Good. I was talking to Boone the other day and he said that his friends in the industry all know not to touch him with a ten-foot pole.”

“As he deserves.”

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