Page 8 of Catching My Dreams

“Look,” she sighed, placing her steaming mug on the counter and giving the other woman her full attention. She knew she could go through the whole song and dance of accepting Riley’s apology again, but it would accomplish nothing. The woman was too intelligent to fall for it. “Even though I understand why you did it, it hurt when you told them.”

Riley’s teeth bit into her bottom lip as she nodded in agreement. “I know.”

“I confided in you, and you gave me your word that you wouldn’t say anything to the others. I barely knew you, but I trusted you. And you broke that trust. Badly.” Ella emphasized the last word. If Riley wanted honesty, she was going to get it.

She could still remember how Noah and Chris had looked at her after Riley had revealed she had another way of finding Asher aside from dreamwalking.

And though she hadn’t been able to see his expression, she knew her best friend had felt just as disgusted by her. She’d always known Noah and Chris didn’t like her, but having Asher think badly of her had been the worst kind of pain imaginable.

Despite the fact that he’d had every right to be angry at her for not using every tool in her arsenal to try and find him, Ella had felt just as betrayed as he had. Her fear of Brett had kept her from helping her friend in the way she wanted to, and he’d quickly forgiven her once he knew the full story, but he and her gran were the two people she had always been able to count on. He was one of two people she had trusted to never turn their back on her. But he had. For that short time, he had.

“I know I was a shitty friend,” Ella admitted. “And I know that Asher could have died because I was too much of a coward to help him, but you threw me under the bus. You didn’t even give me a fighting chance.”

“I never wanted to betray you,” Riley replied, her eyes growing shiny. “I only ever wanted to save Asher, and I hate that I hurt you in the process.”

“But you would do it again.” Ella knew she was right before Riley nodded.

“I would, yes. But if I could go back, I would change how I did it. The way I handled it wasn’t fair to you, and even if I can’t regret telling Asher the truth, I regret how I went about it.”

Ella closed her eyes. She was so tired. So tired of falling asleep afraid and of waking up scared. She was so tired of fear permeating every second of her life. But she was also so tired of all the guilt and the anger and the hurt.

She was tired of constantly worrying about whether Asher had truly forgiven her or if a part of him still resented her. She was tired of holding onto her anger at Riley when she would probably have done the same if their positions were reversed. She was just so tired.

“I forgive you.” The words seemed too quiet, too weak, given how much weight they released from her shoulders. She opened her eyes and met Riley’s hopeful ones.

“You do?”

Ella nodded. “It’s hard to stay angry when what I’m mad at you for is having my best friend’s back.” It was a bit of a simplification, but it was still the truth. All Riley was guilty of was wanting to help Asher.

“Speaking of which, you know that Asher isn’t mad at you, right?” Riley asked. “He loves you.”

Ella couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “Most girlfriends would rather die than admit their boyfriend loves another girl,” she explained when she saw Riley’s confused frown.

“Oh,” she said, looking amused. “Well, most girlfriends can’t see dead people either, so I guess I’m full of surprises. Besides, I know you’re just friends, and it helps that I know you like Noah.”

Ella was taking a sip of her coffee, and she proceeded to choke on it when that name hit her ears. Riley was the only one who knew about her stupid crush—a crush that was now dead and buried under several layers of concrete—but neither of them had mentioned it again since it had first come up.

Riley’s eyes widened as Ella spluttered and coughed, and she patted Ella’s back in an attempt to help. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Ella managed between coughs, her throat and lungs burning and tears forming in her eyes. “But for future reference, I do not like your stepbrother. He is evil incarnate, and I regret ever thinking of him as anything else.”

“Right,” Riley replied, drawing the word out for an impressively long time. “So, you don’t like him anymore?”

“Not even a little.” She had forgiven Riley because she didn’t want to keep uselessly clutching onto anger that only resulted in more misery for everyone. But this anger wasn’t one Ella could let go of. She would never tire of stoking the embers of her rage toward the blue-eyed man she’d been dumb enough to fall for.

“What happened between you two?” Riley asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “I thought things were getting better, but it’s like you both hate each other more than ever.”

“You really want this? You really want me?”

“You have no idea how much I want you,” Noah whispered, and when he pushed his hips forward, she could feel exactly how much he wanted her.

Her back arched up off the bed, and her nails dug into his chest. “This is crazy.”

“This is the least crazy thing I’ve ever done when it comes to you.”

Ella would never forget the pretty lie Noah had spun with his well-chosen words, but she pushed the memory from her mind, all the while knowing he would likely repeat similar manipulative sweet nothings later that night. Even her pleasant dreams weren’t free from the ghosts of her past, no matter how harmless they seemed.

“Nothing happened,” she told Riley. “It was probably sometime between him dissing my love of Taylor Swift and insulting my intelligence for the thousandth time that I realized I really do hate the man. End of story.”

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