Page 76 of Pucks and Books

It’s moments like these that I’m reminded my heart isn’t my own.

It’s Louisa’s, and I’m in awe of her.

Pure, unadulterated awe of the strongest, most beautiful, and most incredible woman I have ever met in my life.

“You were married to this bastard?”

Silence stretches between us as our gazes stay locked. I can see the fear in her eyes, and I can still hear her screams. It kills me. I want to wrap my arms around her, hold her, and try to make her completely forget her past. Louisa’s eyes search mine for a moment longer before she nods. “I was, in the eyes of the cult.”

I want to scream. I hate that this wonderful woman went through this. He can’t come back, can he? She is truly mine? “Did you divorce him?” Once the words leave my lips, I hate them. It doesn’t fucking matter. She got away. She won. I just have to make sure he isn’t coming back for her.

Her brows pull together. “I didn’t have to. It wasn’t legal. I was given to him, and I was his until he was done with me. Since I left, I don’t abide by their rules anymore.”

Chills run down my spine, and I want to rip the fucker to shreds for not only hurting her, but for putting her in such a nightmarish position. He forced her, he abused her, and he gave her no choice but to protect her sisters. I hate him, and I don’t even have to know the fucker to know I would kill him at first glance. All she’d need to do would be to point him out, and I’d rip him limb from limb. Before either of us has time to say anything else, a knock sounds at the door. I gently move her legs and get up without a second glance, my mind reeling as I try to process this. I open the door, and I know the guy greets me, but I can’t hear past the pounding of my heart in my ears.

How could anyone let this happen to her?

A lump forms in my throat as I watch the guy wheel in our food. I hand him some cash before shutting the door. When I turn, I find Louisa watching me, her brows still furrowed and her jaw set tightly. I clear my throat, and I feel my hands start to shake. I squeeze them tightly and check my watch. I still have plenty of time. “Why didn’t anyone stop him?”

Her eyes are watery orbs, so lost in the pain of her past. “It’s the way things are. It’s normal in that world.”

“That’s not normal. That’s abuse, torture. I can’t even imagine.”

She swallows hard. “Try living it.”

I sit across from her and lift both of the covers off our food. “I want to kill the fucker. Just letting you know.”

“I know,” she agrees, a small smile pulling at her lips.

“Did you ever care for him?”

She laughs at me, though there is not an ounce of humor in her words. “No. I loathed him, hated him, thought daily of ways to kill him.”

I shake my head after I swallow the huge bite of pancakes I just threw into my mouth. “I’m surprised you didn’t.”

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “I couldn’t, and if I had fought him, he would have waited for Clara and then taken her as his. She was young, easily manipulated. I couldn’t let that happen.”

I swallow past the lump of pancakes, and my body shakes with anxiousness. “You’re an amazing sister, my love.”

“I love them.”

“Anyone who is loved by you is one lucky son of a bitch,” I tell her, reaching across the table for her hand. “What are these dreams?”

She looks away, her eyes wild and sad. “I dream of him beating me and cutting me. Raping me. They are soul-deep, terrifying dreams.”

My stomach drops. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how awful that was.”

“It was. But I’m out now.”

I nod, proud of her. Something is nagging in my gut, though. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Because I don’t owe you my past, my trauma, Ciaran. I want you to have my future, but my past is mine. I have my own issues, and it’s my right to process and talk about them at my pace, not yours.”

She’s absolutely right, but still. “You didn’t have to tell me everything, but you should have told me you were married.”

She shakes her head, standing as her eyes narrow. “I will not apologize for keeping my past where it belongs. Do you think I’m proud of the things I had to do, of what I was put through? No. I hate that part of my life, and while I know it shaped me into who I am now, my past is not our future, Ciaran.”

“I get it. I do, but I hate that you’ve carried this and not confided in me.”

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