Page 115 of After Hours

“I got someone to come here and clean up their headstone yesterday,” Mara said, “I miss them so much.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she rested her head on my shoulder.

“I miss them too.” A single teardrop formed in my eye, and I caught it with my index finger before it had a chance to fall. “But we’re doing everything for them. You know nana would’ve loved to see you like this,” I said, encouraging her.

“What do you mean?” She sniffled, her eyes as red as her Louboutins.

“Seeing you happy and in love. Seeing you living your dream and graduate college with honors. Seeing you having a baby and being the best mom ever. Nana would be so proud of you, and Papa would be scared.”

“He’d think he was losing his baby, but no one can ever take me away from him, and I’m just so sad that they took him away from me.” She sobbed and completely broke down. I could do nothing but hold her.

“It’s going to be okay,” I said, comforting her and rubbing her hair, “I love you so much, Mara.”

“I love you too, Dillon,” she said in between sobs. It broke my heart once again to hear my sister go through this. It happens every year. It’s the day we relived their death. Every single emotion we felt years ago comes back and just crashes down on us, leaving the most painful heart.

“Grandma was right,” Mara said, “she told you Annalise wasn’t the one. You weren’t thinking of marrying her then, but you were dating her. Or having a relationship with her, I don’t care. And Grandma told you she wasn’t the one,” Mara recalled. And so did I. She went on and on about it. I should’ve listened.

“I know,” I said with a loud sigh, “she was right.”

“She said your heart would be full one day and you wouldn’t expect it. She said you’d deny it because you’re so stubborn, but the more you do, the more you’ll fall deeper in love. I think it’s Azzaria,” she said. It was so soft it came out as a whisper.

“Huh?”

“That love she told you about. I think the person for you is Azzaria. You can deny it, but I’m not blind,” Mara scolded.

“I think I love her, Mar.” It slipped out. I didn’t mean to say that, but I can’t take it back, and I won’t.

“I know you do, and Grandpa would be proud that you found a lover who loves you just as much.”

We spread a blanket in front of the headstones and took our seats. It wasn’t a picnic, but we had traditions that we did every single year.

Soon after they died, a lawyer gave us a box of individually written letters from Grandma. She was sick and knew she would die soon, but she didn’t know that it would’ve been on that day. Or that’s what I tell myself at least. Mara and I read one each time we visited just to savor the moment a little longer.

She opened the box, asking, “You pick, or should I?”

“I’ll pick and read.” I searched around the box, looking for the perfect one and grabbed the letter on the far left with the number “15” on it. She numbered each of them from 1 to 100, and we’d pick from it.

I untwined the wire she used to seal the letter and saw her fancy writing flash before my eyes. She had the fanciest handwriting, almost resembling calligraphy, and she only wrote with one kind of pen—a black and gold fountain pen with her initials on the side.

After we cleared out their old house, Mara and I found a box of them, and those are the only pens I’ve ever found myself using. The ink was refillable, so I had no problem there. I do it for them, for her.

“Ready?” I asked Mara.

She nodded in response, and I cleared my throat to start reading.

My dearest grandbabies,

By the time you get to this letter, I’ll be long gone. The kidney disease would’ve taken me, but I lived a long, full, and healthy life. There’s no complaining from me. I anticipate that Mara would be the one reading this because Dillon’s not so sentimental. He has a big heart but he’s not so big on heartfelt words. The sickness is taking me out faster than I ever imagined, but it’s my time to rest, and I know that you both will definitely be alright. Not now, or not even in years, but one day you’ll wake up and realize that life is okay and it’s meant for living. I’m proud of you two. You two have always been my little firecrackers, and I wanted to get the chance to see you both as parents and graduates, but the timing isn’t right for me. I’m writing about a hundred of these just so you two aren’t lonely when I’m gone, but do not read them all at once, or you’ll run out. Even if I’m not there, Grandpa is in perfect health, and he’s there. He’s tough on you two sometimes, but he loves you. I’ve had the best years parenting you. I’ll never forgive your parents for what they did to you both, but I can’t sit here and say I’m not too glad. If they didn’t flake on their duties, I wouldn’t have had the chance to raise and shape you the proper way. You two may have been legally my grandchildren, but I saw you as nothing less than my own. Dillon, please remember, pridie melius quam ultimo. And Mara, you’re my princess. Keep both your heads up and continue to make Nana proud. Te amo meam magnam infantes.

I wasn’t sure when Mara or I started crying, but I do know that we’re both deep in tears right now.

“Wow,” Mara said, sniffling, “I’m never getting over her death.” I didn’t think I was getting over it either.

There weren’t notes from our grandfather, as I’m sure he didn’t expect to die on that day he left the house. But he left a fortune for Mara and me, between money, land, and any number of assets were split 50-50. No matter what was left, they cared enough to remember us, and that brought a smile to my face. It was a glimmer of sunshine in this place of darkness.

We spent the next three hours writing letters, drinking alcohol, and laying flowers. There were pools of tears, as expected, but everyone needed one day to be weak, and today was our day.

Night was approaching, and Alexander had joined us. He and Isaiah got here around fifteen minutes ago. It was a bit abnormal to be gathering like this in the middle of a cemetery, but being here made us feel like our grandparents were there with us, and that was all we needed for today.

“It’s time for the lantern,” Mara said and jumped up from the ground.

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