Page 112 of After Hours

All the composure I held tonight broke loose as my body sunk on the floor. The sobs were turning into louder cries, and I felt like I was losing my mind. I could never win.

My phone buzzed, and I checked the message. It was from Dillon. I couldn’t respond, not right now.

What I needed was time and space to be by myself and make a mess of everything on my own. The first mistake was falling in love, and the second one was loving someone with a powerful background, and the worst part was, it was a mistake I’d make a million times over.

Words were spoken in such controlled conditions, but the damage that they did was too extensive. The damage that words did, brought too much pain. I wanted to be able to put it behind me, and I wanted to run right back to him, but I couldn’t. I felt too weak. I needed to make sure that I was in a good space before I went back to him, even if it meant I’d break myself in the process.

I don’t know why I was afraid, but I was afraid of everything at this moment. It’s maybe my mind working against me, but I don’t know. I hope I’ll wake up later feeling better. Or I won’t know what to do with myself.

Dillon

I’ve searched twelve apartments and every single living and accommodation space within a fifty-mile radius, and none of them have her.

The last I saw her was while doing a brief interview with New York Times. We shared glances and she walked over to a booth. I left from the gala and went straight to my office. Home meant nothing if she wasn’t there.

“Here’s the files you wanted,” Reyes walked in and dropped the files I asked him for on my desk. “And you look like shit. What’s up?”

Pity was the last thing I wanted, but would it hurt to talk about things for once? “I’m good. I can’t find Azzaria. She’s ignoring me, and I have no idea why.” I leaned back in the chair, rubbing my chin.

“I’m not a relationship expert,” he pointed out, “but I’ve seen how she looks at you. Give her some days to be absent. Don’t burn the city down when you get mad, but just give her three days, and if she’s not back by then, you can become as crazy as you’d like. You have the best lawyer representing you anyway.” It would never be advice if Arnoldo didn’t use it as an opportunity to gloat.

I rolled my eyes, thought about it and disregarded it. How am I supposed to live peacefully for days if I don’t know the status of her safety?

I glanced through my office door and saw every other possible worker except her. I kept hoping that she would show up or even send me a one-worded text message, but I didn’t get any of that. My heart weighed heavily, especially because I knew Matthew was out there.

I didn’t want to think the worst of the situation, but what was a guy to think?

It’s been forever since I’ve written in this, but I always find my way back to my thoughts. It’s been almost a full day without knowing if she’s safe, and it’s driving me mad. I’ve searched every hotel, every housing scheme, and every place she could’ve possibly been. I checked bistros, bookstores, libraries, Barnes and Noble. I’ve checked every place in this city that she loves, and there’s no trace. The camera footage from the gala last night had nothing of substance. I had my guys down at the PR and software unit searching and scrubbing everywhere. I had my guys at the Fortune 500 hunting and tracking down her ex and her father. I needed a punching bag, and they’re the most deserving.

When I think of a world without her, I want to burn it down to the ground. Before today, our relationship was going so well. It’s like every time we step forward, life comes in and we move ten steps backward. It’s tiring and I always knew my past mistakes would catch up with me, but not right now. Not with her.

The only happy note was my gala as it went well, and we raised thirty-seven million dollars for the foundation. I’m proud of that, and I’m glad to be active in my charity again. There’s so much to be done, and so now’s the time to do it. I just feel like I’ve fall—

My brain went blank, and I couldn’t finish writing.

I went decades without knowing she existed, and now, I couldn’t go through a full day without seeing her face or hearing her laugh. Those weren’t even the big things. I just wanted to know that she was safe. She could be mad at me or even taking any amount of space, but I just wanted to know she was safe. And nothing else could shake that feeling. Nothing could shake the feeling of not knowing whether the person you live for is safe or not.

My day wasn’t going to get any better, so I headed home to get some sleep. Hopefully, all this worrying would put me to sleep, even though I doubted it.

“I’m stepping out, Mel,” I advised her as I walked out. I needed to get out of here, and I needed to do so now.

All the tiredness I had earlier went away as soon as I stepped foot in my living room. My willpower to do anything went down severely, and this was never me. I was a workaholic nut job, but right now my spirit was broken more than anything else.

I found a box in my living room marked “important,” and I opened it just to find the list of books I told Mikkel to get for me. If I couldn’t be productive doing work, I might as well do it while reading one of these novels.

I flipped through the book titles and landed on one titled, “Throttled.” It’s about an F1 lover romance which interested me. There weren’t many F1 books, and I enjoyed watching the men drive their cars around the track. Hopefully the book will be good.

My phone was put on loud just in case of any emergencies or in case anyone needed me or if Azzaria decided to text me.

I’ve started this novel, I’m twelve chapters deep, and all I could think about was her.

Me

I’m reading Throttled. It’s one of the recommendations you gave me. I miss having you here, and I just need to know what’s wrong, please. I need to know you’re safe.

I had to send this message as much as I didn’t want to. She left the most longing print in me and was capable of bringing me to my knees. I didn’t know how if it was possible to go through the rest of time without knowing the status of her safety.

I rang her cellphone twenty times and nothing. No one has seen her and it was irritating how I was the only who was affected. I tried to locate her mother, but nothing.

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