Page 47 of Bound by Adoration

“Because I’m a fuckin’ moron.”

“That’s true,” Liam said low, but Raid ignored him.

“I was pissed. Saw something that set me off. Baker said he’d change my grade if I fucked him, and that rash decision was the worst mistake of my life.”

“What set you off?” I asked, trying to get deeper. It felt like an onion, and there were so many layers they were never ending.

Raid looked to Liam. “You.”

Liam’s brows rose. “Me?”

“Yeah. Saw you up close and personal with Becky Marks. Pissed me off, and I didn’t think.”

Liam started laughing hard, not that any of this was funny, but he saw the humor in it. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? Nothing happened with Becky. She wanted me, and I pushed her away. Something I’ll say you never did for me. But you’d already told me we were done. So if I would’ve fucked her, there was nothing tying me down.”

Raid rolled his neck and popped it in a few places. “Didn’t want to break it off with you, dickhead. Wish I would’ve just told my family about us and never gotten twisted up with Baker. It would’ve caused a lot less pain to the people in my life.”

“Thought you said you two were casual?” I asked, prodding and needing more.

Raid’s resolve was beginning to crumble. It could be seen in his face. Like he was tired of holding it all in. Like it had been weighing on him for years, and he was done trying to hold it on his shoulders.

“Didn’t mean I didn’t care about him.”

“Himis right here,” Liam snipped.

I smacked Liam on the leg and widened my eyes at him. Raid was opening up. I sure as hell didn’t need him closing up again, and Liam’s attitude would be the one thing that would shut Raid down fast. “Stop.” I turned to Raid. “Continue.”

His head shook, then he leaned it back on the wall and looked up at the ceiling. That damn ceiling had all the answers. “It’s true about the club in the fact I was prospecting and wanted my cut more than my next breath. I’d grown up in the Ravage MC. Was there almost daily. It’s the only life I’ve ever known. It’s my family. So anything that caused issues, I cut from my life. I didn’t know enough to think through what I was getting into. Then the next day I fucked everything.”

“So you didn’t think your family would like you being gay?” I asked.

“Never thought of myself as gay, but never really thought about my sexual preferences either. I liked who I liked. Liam was the first man I’d ever been with. My family loves hard. Knew they loved me. Didn’t know how they’d react. But boy did I find out.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I had to enlist the club into helping get the video off the internet and taking care of Baker. My father had never been so pissed at me. Not because Baker was a guy, just that he was a teacher, and I'd put myself and family in a fucked-up situation with sex tapes floating around. The entire club was pissed at me for quite a while. My brother. God love him. He stood by me the entire time. He broke up with Indie to protect her and just got back with her recently. So yeah.” He paused. “Thanks, man, for keepin’ an eye out for her. You didn’t have to.”

Liam’s head tipped. “It wasn’t for you. You fucked both of us over, and with what Indie was goin’ through, she needed someone in her corner. And Ax asked me too.”

My heart warmed at the thought of him taking care of Indie. For whatever reason it was, it was sweet.

“Things were fucked up, and it took years to get back on track and prove to everyone I wasn’t a fuck up anymore. No one cared that I’d fucked a man, nor were they even surprised by it. My reluctance to let anyone in is what landed me on the wrong side of things with my family. Now, I’ve learned, just as I take their backs, they take mine, and I don’t have to hide anything about myself.”

“So now you’re into women?” I asked him.

“Same as before. If I’m attracted to someone, then I’m attracted to them. I don’t put a label on myself. Fuck that. I’ve hated labels my whole life. Everyone saying my family was a gang and trash. Put a stop to that shit really fast.” He turned to Liam. “I’m sorry I fucked you over. It was a shit move. Never meant to hurt you or anyone.”

“Wow. Didn’t think I’d ever hear you say those words,” Liam said to him. “If you would’ve just talked to me, but to flat out stop being friends… From spending all of our time together to nothing… Not gonna lie because that killed. You were my friend before anything, Raid. You have to talk to people around you.”

“I’ve been workin’ on that.” Raid smiled at me. “Told you a lot more than I told others. So it’s comin’. Slowly.”

“Obviously not enough,” I replied. “You can’t be going off halfcocked like that, Raid.”

“Know that. This one incident changed the man I was becoming. Opened my eyes and made me take a different path. It’s not the man I am now. It’s why I wanted to get the club involved in your situation so fast. I knew the consequences of not doing that and what it could lead to.”

Now I understood better. If he’d have explained some of this to me earlier, it would’ve made my reaction to getting everyone involved easier. Possibly. But I also get that this was part of his past. “Were you ever going to tell me all of this?” I asked him.

“Absolutely. Once I got you safe. I’m tellin’ you everything, baby.” He leaned over and grabbed my hand, pulling me in for a kiss. I gave him one but pulled back. This conversation wasn’t over yet.

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