Page 28 of Bound by Adoration

NYX

My insides were a whirlwind of emotions. Ones I’d never felt before and each one cut like a knife from anger, sadness, confusion, and everything in between.

“Just stop!” The top on my tea kettle just exploded, and I hung onto the anger with everything inside of me. “Fuck, I feel like a damn broken record!” I pulled away from Raid and took several steps away from him. “I can’t do this… I need space.”

“Space? What do you mean space?” Raid fired back as I tried moving away from him, but he took a step to stay right in front of me, halting me.

“Not this! That’s for damn sure.”

“Do you have any idea what it does to me to see you kissing another man? Let alone having him bare chested and laying on top of you doing it. What would you think I’d do? You’re lucky I didn’t shoot him then and there.”

My stomach turned at the thought, then anger bubbled over. “I get that. I’m sorry, but you can’t hurt him, Raid. I mean it. You hurt a hair on his head, and we’re done, and I disappear. No one will find me. I’ve had a lot of practice of being a ghost, and I don’t want to, but I will if you lay a hand on him. I’m dead serious. When I had no one, Liam was there. When I was broken, he put the pieces back together. When I couldn’t hold it together anymore, he let me go. I owe him everything and more, Raid. When I was lost, he was home.”

“Nyx…” He started, but I put my finger up and poked him in the chest. “I like you, Raid. A lot. You obviously know that, or I wouldn’t be here right now. I obviously have trust in you, or I wouldn’t be here. You will break all of that if you hurt anyone I care about.”

“You can’t expect me to just sit by and allow him to kiss you. Touch you. Fuck you.” His head shook as he reached out and gently took my arms and pulled me to him.

Guilt clawed at me. Nagging like a bug.

How would I feel if I saw Raid kissing someone else? Or Liam kissing someone else?

No, I would not fucking like it one little bit. So I could see where Raid was coming from, but I wasn’t property.

I wasn’t something to be owned.

I wasn’t a possession.

I was a strong woman who went through hell and got out of it. True, I was back in this clusterfuck, but I’d done it once. I’d do it again.

My eyes lifted to Raid’s intense gaze. My heart clenched. Yeah, I loved him, even though I haven’t said it yet, but I also loved Liam. Never stopped. “I won’t ask you to ever do something you don’t want to do, Raid. I’d never expect you to be someone you’re not. Ever. But you have to know I have a past with Liam. A very intense past that we haven’t talked about. But seeing him brought back all those feelings I’d tried to stuff down. But when his lips touched mine, I didn’t want to stop him. I’m sorry if that makes me a bitch, but where I’m at in my life now, I’m not pushing him away nor you. You can choose to be a part of this or to leave. It would crush me, but I’d understand. Please just give this time. Never thought I’d see him again, touch him again, breathe him in again. I need time and space. You need to have this truce.”

He seemed to mull over what I’d said, and the silence was deafening. I wanted him to talk. Wanted him to say,okay, Nyx, let’s give it time.But I knew Raid, and he would not just give in.

Raid was an alpha male, and him giving in just a little bit would take tremendous effort on his part.

As the time ticked I became more and more concerned. My heart was starting to crack and shatter once again. He was going to leave me. I just knew it.

“You love him?” he asked me instead of answering.

My eyes closed as I sucked in a deep breath then opened them, looking up at him. “I don’t know how to answer that. Did I love him then? Yes. Very much. Then I left, and I’d thought he’d forgotten all about me. I’d tried to push him out of my mind, but seeing him, having him here. I still care for him immensely. The love never went away.”

He started to say more, but I stopped him, knowing what was next. “I don’t know how to answer that either, Raid. We’re new. Complicated. But I care for you way more than I should. The thought of you leaving or me leaving you crushes me to a point where my heart physically hurts.”

His hand came to the side of my face and cupped it. I leaned into his touch. It was warm and comforting.

“Please, Raid. My heart can’t take much more.”

He sighed hard. “I know you want to hear that I’m okay with you and Liam. But that would be a lie, and there’s no lies between us, Nyx. We’ll never be able to build a life if we lie.”

He was right, so I nodded. I didn’t want to lie to him either.

“Step by step. Okay? That’s what I can give you right now.” A stray tear fell from my eye, and he wiped it away with his thumb then leaned down to kiss me. I fell in quickly to his touch, and our bodies were pressed tightly together.

A loud bang came to the door.

“Fuckin’ leave!” Raid bellowed out.

But then I heard Screech. “Did y’all know Liam just left?”

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