Page 68 of Bound by Passion (Ravage MC)

NYX

Raid slept next to me,his arm around me pulling my body tight to his. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest on my back with each breath he took. He was so peaceful in his rhythms. Like he really wanted to be here, in my bed, and nowhere else.

He was comfortable. Felt safe. How I made him feel safe I had no clue, since I hadn’t felt that way in years. Except in moments with him.

Something told me, though, if I rolled out of bed, he’d wake instantly. He was the type of man who could feel when something was off; even in the deepest of sleep, he would know.

I didn’t want him to wake. My head was filled with all the powerful words Raid laid out for me last night. He was straight to the point. Honest, because in the depths of his eyes, I could see the truth he was saying down to his soul.

It might have been blackened and tattered, but he had one. One that was reaching out to me.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, he was right.

Every time he kissed me, I felt it. Every time he touched me, I felt it. Every time he held my hand, I felt it.

That spark between us along with the pull built a connection each and every time.

With each word he said, my heart bled more and more. Even now there was a sharp pain in my chest, twisting and turning.

Did I even have a heart anymore? Or a soul? If I did, they were as blackened, tattered, and scarred as his. Probably more. I hadn’t even thought of my heart over the years. It was far from my mind.

Survival wasn’t easy when you had zero money and trying to stay alive. The choices I had to make would disgust him. The things that I did would show him how dirty I was. The body he seemed to love allowed me to live.

He stated his hands were bloody. Mine were too. So stained they would never be clean again. Changing my identity and creating a new life didn’t make the actions I took go away. If anything, it showed me that I’d never have an actual life with my past lurking around every corner.

There was no way I’d be able to look him in the eyes when it came to everything that had led me to this point in my life. Nor what had been done to me.

Did I dare say that I wanted the life he talked about? I wanted to have a life where I felt safe and secure. I wanted a life with a man who I loved more than life itself. A dream of never having to worry about my past coming to bite me because he’d know everything. There would be nothing hidden between us. And I wanted that with Raid.

But I couldn’t have it.

The moment I dropped my guard, Raid would be in as much danger as I was. My heart started to thump. He was in danger just from being here with me. Being in my life at all.

Terror filled me. No. Nothing could happen to him because I cared. Really cared about him.

Nothing like Screech.

I could see it, a life with Raid, and I wanted it.

I knew I should leave. Take all my past with me. Take all the danger that lurked around the corner with me, but feeling his warmth and being wrapped in his safety, I didn’t want to.

All the sturdy walls I’d built around me over the years were starting to shake and tremble. My desire to want this life, to want Raid were putting cracks in the plan I’d devised. Revenge. That was all I thought I ever wanted.

Raid changed that. Changed my thoughts.

In order to have that life, I’d need to put some trust into Raid. Build that bridge I never thought I wanted to have.

But I did.

The internal struggle was real as I felt the pull between my past and present. All I’d wanted was vengeance for so long. Wanted to make them pay for what they’d done. Even if I told Raid some things about me, I didn’t think I could stop wanting to make them suffer.

Putting trust in Screech was terrifying. But I was able to do it, and it came out well.

But telling Raid was completely different. I wouldn’t ask for his “help.” I would only tell him because I wanted to build a life with him. Wanted to trust him. Trust him with me. The real me. Not the me I’d cultivated and seen at the bar.

If I did, everything would change.

No. I couldn’t. If I kept it inside, he wouldn’t be hurt by it.

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