Page 33 of Baby for the Bratva

I laugh, moving away from her. She must’ve grown up with brothers.

“Come back here. I’m serious,” she says, clamping a firm hand down on my shoulder. “You are a princess, and he’s just a beast. He might seem like Mr. handsome and mysterious to you, but he’s just another guy. Don’t give away your position of power in all this.”

I press my lips together in a resolute smile. It feels more like a grimace right now, but I’m happy with what she’s telling me. I shouldn’t allow Yuri to have this much power over me. He’s the one who is trying so hard to get to me, and that means I’m the one with all the power.

I feel good for about as long as it takes to imagine his hands on my body and his lips pressed against mine, and then I turn into a tight bundle of nerves again.

Molly notices and lets out a long sigh, turning the TV back on and scrolling through channels. “You’ll figure it out. For what it’s worth, I think you should go. There’s no better way to get over someone than getting under someone new.”

I’ve heard it put that way once or twice before, but I hadn’t thought to apply it to my failed relationship with Tyler. I suppose I might actually be able to forget about him if the sex with Yuri is amazing.

But if it isn’t, I’m only going to dig myself into a deeper hole of misery.

“You’re right,” I finally say, looking toward the window. The sun is already starting to set, and I haven’t even started to get ready for my little midnight rendezvous with Yuri. “I’m going to see him tonight, even if nothing happens.”

She laughs. “Oh, something is going to happen. Better be prepared or you’re going to end up with a bun in the oven.”

My hand drifts down to my belly, and for some reason, I can immediately picture what it would be like to carry Yuri’s baby. I’ve never been pregnant before, but I can feel the weight in my belly as I hold it, and I can see Yuri on his knees, planting soft kisses and whispering sweet things in Russian as he looks up at me with his bright blue eyes.

A shiver runs through my body, and the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. I’m not afraid like I should be. In fact, it’s the complete opposite feeling that’s swirling around inside of me.

Excitement.

I can’t tell this to Molly, or she would berate me. Secrets are made to be kept, and I’ll be taking this naughty little one to the grave.

I look up at Molly, who is already staring at me like I’ve lost my mind. I swipe my hand away from my belly, holding it stiffly at my side, but the damage is done.

“You’re taking condoms,” she says, getting up from the bed and walking over to her dresser. “I don’t care what he says about them being uncomfortable, or if you’re on birth control, you still need them.”

I’m not on birth control, and she right. I can’t expect Yuri to have them, and knowing him, he probably wouldn’t. The only thing that bothers me as she dumps a dozen shiny squares in my hand is that bringing condoms means I know we’re having sex. It confirms what I’m trying to pretend isn’t happening.

It’s silly to feel this way, but it doesn’t change the tightness of dread in my stomach as I say goodbye to Molly and take the condoms back to my room. I shouldn’t have to be told to act responsibly. I know the risks, and if I want to take them, I’m well within my right to do so.

A wave of misplaced anger rises inside of me. I like Molly, but nobody can make these kinds of decisions for me. I wouldn’t even allow my mom to talk to me about being safe before I went to college.

I’ve always been a free spirit, and that’s something that was stolen from me by dating the wrong sort of people. Tyler was controlling and emotionally manipulative. I’ve been with guys before him who literally told me what I could wear and when I could go out.

Hell no. I’m not doing that again. I don’t care if Molly means well. I’m the only one in charge of what I do.

I toss the condoms onto my bed and leave them there as I get ready for the night ahead. I haven’t decided whether I’m going to take them, but I’m leaning toward no. I didn’t come on this trip to play it safe. I came to be impulsive and experience what it was like to enjoy myself without someone breathing down my neck.

At the end of the day, all the hardship I’ve faced and all the controlling people in my life have been my fault. Sometimes it feels good to blame things on other people, but as a free woman, I’m ultimately in charge of what happens. I can say no to the things I don’t want, and perhaps more importantly, I can say yes to the things I desire most.

Like this cruise.

And meeting Yuri at midnight.

And throwing caution to the wind as I leave my room at exactly 11:59, wearing nothing but a tiny black dress. No jewelry, no underwear…

And no condoms.

16

Yuri

I’ve been preparing myself all night to stomach the possibility that Stella doesn’t show up. I almost don’t know what to do when I hear her knock on my door. I check my teeth in the mirror, smooth back my hair, and take a deep breath as I walk slowly toward the sound of knocking.

No rushing. She doesn’t need to know how nervous I am that she showed up.

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