Page 3 of Indecent Temptations

"If you’re inviting me out for a drink, then consider this an acceptance," she replied. I opened my mouth to protest, but then closed it again. God only knew how much I needed a drink to take the edge off the last few days of term.

All the kids just got totally lazy and it was hard to get them to do anything other than talk about their holiday plans or maybe watch a movie if we could manage to get them all in one room long enough. Now, as everyone cleared out their trays and grabbed their stuff, it was obvious that their minds were a million miles away. Some of them literally; I had heard a few of the girls talking about the family trips they were taking to Spain or France, and I would have been lying if I’d said that I wasn’t more than a little jealous. I couldn’t really afford to go anywhere, even with my limited holiday weeks, given that all of my money mostly went into paying for that little flat of mine.

All the families were clustered around the front gate, ready to scoop up their collection of kids and head off into the next seven weeks without any school to bother them. I knew that for some parents, this would be a dream come true – a lot of them really did miss their kids like crazy in the time that they were away. For others, it would just be a scheduling nightmare, a signal that they would have to try to find some way to balance their work and their kids and their lives for a couple of months without losing their minds.

It would have been easy for me, if I’d had a family. My time off would have lined up with theirs. Whoever I had them with, they wouldn’t have to take any time off work. It would have been perfect.

If I’d had kids. If I evencouldhave kids.

It was hard not to get a little melancholy on days like this when I saw the families together and wondered what my life could have been like if I’d been able to connect to one of my own over the years. I knew that it was going to be hard, given that I didn’t exactly have the ability to create them myself, but there had to be someone out there who was willing to see all that I had to give and would want to give me a shot, despite my issues.

But I didn’t want to take someone who came along and looked at me and saidyeah, sure, I guess.I wanted someone who was going to be committed to me for me and not anything else. Committed to making a future with me, to building a family. When I looked at the men, those fathers and husbands clustered around the school gate, I felt a jolt of sureness run through my system. They had made that choice. They had seen the woman they loved and decided to make a future with her. It wasn’t totally crazy to think that someone could look at me and think the same thing, was it?

The end of term caused introspection – I supposed it was the same whenever anything came to a close, but this felt like something particular had shifted, something that I was struggling to get a hold on. Did I really want to come back after the holidays and find that nothing had changed in me? Did I want to be the same version of myself that I was right now? Because that version, that version of me hadn’t been enough – it hadn’t come close to enough, not for anyone. I needed to step things up. I needed to get out there.

I needed to prove to myself that there was nothing that was holding me back.

"What are you thinking about?" Mallory asked, as she brushed past me with an armful of papers to take to the recycling. I shook my head.

"Just looking forward to that drink tonight," I replied. "That’s all."

And I was – I did my make-up in the primary school bathrooms because I knew that they would be quiet already, given the half-day that those kids had been given. It wasn’t often that I took the time to put an actual face on, given that I was just presenting to a bunch of teenagers who tried to actively avoid looking me in the eye if they could help it.

But tonight felt different somehow; tonight, I found myself wanting to do something a little different.

Even though it was the same pub, and the same crowd, and the same Mallory coming along with me, maybe I could switch it up to some new version of myself.

I had no idea what the new me looked like or what she felt like or how she would move through the world, but I had to give her a shot, didn’t I? I had been hiding her away for a long time now, whoever she was, and maybe her different approach was what I needed.

I put on some dark red lipstick, wiped it off, and then put it on again. Yes. Maybe this version of me could be a vixen. Maybe she could be sexy. Maybe she couldownthat sexiness. I was still wearing a long, flowing brocade skirt and a peasant blouse, but it was all about the attitude that you projected, wasn’t it? Not just the outfit.

"Damn!” Mallory exclaimed, fanning herself when she set eyes on me. "Lady in red over here. You out on the pull?”

"No, I don’t think so," I replied. "Just feel like getting a little dressed up, that’s all. We’re celebrating, aren’t we?"

"Damn right we are," Mallory agreed, and she hooked her arm through mine; she had changed into a pair of dark, tight jeans and a cute, slouchy t-shirt that showed off her flat tummy and small, delicate frame. She was young, she could still get away with just throwing on whatever and looking hot as hell. I couldn’t get away with that anymore...

Or maybe I justthoughtI couldn’t. Perhaps it was the believing in the thing that made it true. I tried to lock that thought into my head as we left the cleaners to scrub down the school, and made it out to the pub for the first drink of the night.

The place was half-full, mostly of the usual locals; it was, to them, just another Thursday night, but to us, it was a chance to actually kick back and relax after putting the chaos of the term behind us. It had been a crazy-busy last few days, and honestly, a cheap glass of wine or three was already calling my name.

"To actually getting some time to ourselves," Mallory toasted to me, and I touched my glass to her’s.

"Slange Var,"I replied, and she grinned and took a sip of her white wine. She had been a party girl when she had been down in Glasgow, she’d told me, and man, she could still drink enough to make me believe it.

"So, what are you going to do for the next couple of weeks?" I asked. "Before we have to go back in for training?"

"I am going to lie very fucking still on my couch and nothing is going to be able to move me," she replied, and she clasped her hands to her chest dramatically.

"Oh, it feels so good to actually be able to swear again," she groaned. "I’ve been biting back all thefucksfor the last couple of weeks, but I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’d forgotten how much fun it was."

"So you’re going to be lying on your couch reciting every swear word you’ve ever heard before?" I asked, and she nodded.

"That’s the plan," she agreed, taking another sip of her drink. "Maybe going down to see my family in Glasgow for a few days, I’m not sure yet. And what about you? How are you spending the summer?"

I bit my lip. I didn’t want to tell her about my plans, just in case they didn’t come through. There was nothing worse than talking a big talk and then having to take it all back a few months later when you realized that you couldn’t deliver on any of it. Besides, I knew that if I even hinted to Mallory that I wanted to change things up, she would have come sliding right in there to make it her mission to interfere with what I was planning to do. She was a good friend to me, the best I could have asked for, but I knew that I needed to do this on my own terms. The thought of letting anyone else in on this was just...yeah, it was far too scary. Even though I knew I was going to have to, sooner or later.

"Nothing, really," I replied. "Just trying to get some rest and forget that the rest of the year is coming up, you know?"

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