Page 39 of Tempt Me

My body knows what it wants, it has done from the start. I want Jase—and not just my body, but my heart wants him, too. Still, I’m holding back, scared to make that leap.

When did I stop trusting my instincts?

When they left your dreams in pieces, the answer comes.

“Beautiful, girls. We’ll pick up next week!” Kay finishes with a clap, and I’m jolted back to reality as the dancers pack up to leave. “Chloe, darling.” She sees me loitering and comes to greet me with a kiss. “What a lovely surprise.”

“I was in the neighborhood...” I make a vague excuse, but Kay doesn’t seem to notice.

“Come join me for tea,” she says, smiling. “One of the students brought me the most divine chocolates, and you need to save me before I eat them all!”

She bustles me down the hallway and up another flight of stairs to the small apartment she keeps in the attic. I always love it here—it’s crammed with books, and curios from all her travels. There are hats piled on a dressmaker’s bust, and the walls are covered in old photographs showing Kay dancing all over the world.

Kay goes to the tiny galley kitchen and puts the tea kettle on the stove. She sets out mismatched china and the box of chocolates.

I take a seat at the worn wooden table, pushing some ballet shoes out of the way. I can’t help comparing this to the tea I had with Sylvia at the Mainwaring mansion: stiff and icy, it couldn’t be more different to this warm, affectionate clutter and the caring smile on Kay’s face when she looks over.

“Let me guess,” she says with a note of sadness in her voice. “You’ve come to tell me you can’t teach anymore.”

“What? No!” I blink in surprise. “I would never quit. You know I love it here.”

Kay looks pleased. “Oh, I am glad. I was worried all your new commitments with your fiancé would get in the way.”

“No.” I shake my head firmly. “Even if Max was due to meet the Queen, I wouldn’t miss out on class.”

Kay laughs. “You don’t need to go that far. I can find a substitute if you need.” She pauses. “I know he has... expectations for you.”

I look at her, realizing something for the first time. “You don’t like him, do you?”

Kay busies herself pouring our tea. She brings it over and joins me at the table. “I worry that he doesn’t appreciate you,” she finally says, like she’s carefully selecting her words.

“Max is good to me,” I say, trying to defend him. “He treats me very well.”

Kay nods. “I know, but that’s not what I mean. It’s not about pretty words, or expensive gifts. To appreciate someone, you have to know them. You have to see them for everything they are, and value them beyond all riches. Is that how Maxwell knows you?”

Something catches in my throat. “I feel like I try so hard with him,” I admit in a rush, tears stinging in my eyes. “Trying to be the woman who belongs in the fairytale with him. The perfect bride.”

“Oh, darling.” Kay takes my hand. “You don’t need to be perfect to deserve a man’s love. That’s no way to live. Haven’t you learned that by now?”

I meet her eyes. There’s no hiding from her. Kay knows me better than anyone—even the mistakes I wish I could forget.

“You mean Aleksander,” I say softly, thinking of the man who changed my life forever, in all the wrong ways.

He was an instructor at the ballet school. Fifteen years older than me, brilliant, demanding, and utterly magnetic. He’d been a famous dancer in his day, and now he worked as a choreographer for the ballet company and taught classes with us all. I was sixteen when I first laid eyes on him, and from that very first day, I fell hopelessly in love.

Even now, I can’t describe the hold he had over me, or how desperately I worked to win his attention. One word of praise could make my whole week—and a scornful remark sent me spiraling, staying late every night drilling steps in the practice studio so I would never be the subject of his disapproval again. He was everything to me: ballet and love and naïve sexual obsession, all bound up in one commanding form.

For years, I trained with him. Adored him. Savored every touch and lingering look. And when finally I graduated to the performing company and our relationship turned sexual, I thought all my dreams were coming true.

I didn’t know I was already living a nightmare, I just hadn’t realized it yet.

I take another shaky breath. Sometimes I wonder if that old scar will ever heal. I’ve put years and hundreds of miles between me and that dark chapter in my life, but still, I don’t trust myself yet.

“It still hurts to think about,” I admit. “I thought I was following my heart, my passion, and it brought me nothing but pain. What if I make the same mistake again?”

Kay just smiles back at me. “What if you don’t even try? There are fates worse than taking a risk, you know. ”

I think about that couple I saw today, living out a marriage of harsh convenience. I don’t want to make the safe move, the sure bet, and live to regret it. I’ve been ignoring my instincts for so long, like that’s how I’m going to make this fresh start I want so badly, but now I realize: if I let what happened in the past drive me into a miserable future, then I’m letting one mistake define my whole life.

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