I side-hug her hard. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too, girl, and don’t fuck it up.”
The party continues into the wee hours. Of course. Until my mother insists we send people home. Derick turns on the overhead light, and Nova shuts off the music. “Look, y’all,” Derick stands on a kitchen chair, speaking to the crowd. “You know Santa is shy and don’t like to be seen breaking into people’s homes. So don’t make him have to stay up late waiting. Go home, go to bed, and pretend you’re asleep.”
There’s laughter as we pass out coats, and people start streaming out the door. Mom escapes to her bedroom, but before she disappears, she places a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder.
“You can spend the night if you don’t mind the mess.”
Charlotte smiles. “I’ll help clean up in the morning, Evelyn.”
Mom directs her stern gaze on me. “Are you staying the night?” she asks.
My blush is concealed by the flush on my face from dancing. “No, I have plans first thing in the morning.”
Mom and Charlotte exchange a quick glance, and I feel like I have two moms watching over me.
Mom kisses my cheek. “Then hurry and catch your ride home. And text me when you arrive safely.”
I watch as Mom drapes an arm around Charlotte’s shoulders. “Off to bed with you. In the morning, we’ll get breakfast at the diner. Pancakes and bacon. My treat.”
“Sounds delish.” Charlotte looks at me. “I’m staying here for a while until I figure it out.”
Nova tugs my arm, and we head out after I give Charlotte and Mom a quick hug. “Don’t worry. My eyes will be on her.”
My phone chimes as I climb into the Uber.
Bryce: Merry Xmas. Justin’s plane is landing. See you in the morning.
Chapter 39
Astrid
It’s too coldhearted not to see Howland on Christmas Day. No matter what he’s done, I can’t become like him.
And whether I like it or not, he’s still my father.
The guilt of not visiting him in the hospital would’ve been too much for me, so I go to Rockingham General in the morning. I do it to keep my mind from chewing on it for the rest of the day. Howland looks surprised but also pleased to see me. And bonus points, I’m wearing a dress. We barely talk, which is okay as we stare at CNN together in silence. But before I leave, he hands me a key to the mansion as my Christmas gift.
It snowed again last night, but that doesn’t stop me from going on a run after I return to Stonehaven. My feet pound the pavement as I take my regime off-campus and onto the streets of Rockingham. I used to race through here on my bike, but today, I take time, looking at the fancy houses lining the wide street that lead away from Stonehaven.
The Christmas decorations are subtle and not in your face like they would be in Weymouth. No inflatable Santas and a thousand lights pulling the gutters down. I run slowly past a blue house decorated with gold lights, one light every few inches, and the tree through the window is lit in one color. I nod in approval, appreciating the little things I never noticed before.
Picking up speed, I cross the quiet intersection, but hardly any cars are out on the road. The few on the street are parked. A woman in a white terry robe walks out onto her lawn to grab the morning paper. She’s frowning, but when she looks up and notices me, she smiles. When she waves, I wave back. It must be my Stonehaven jacket, or maybe I’m starting to fit in. I lift my chin higher, positive that I won’t be hassled for being in a nice neighborhood.
As a person, I’ve changed, and I never thought I would or even needed to. My temper has definitely been tamped down, or at least the way I respond to conflict. Maybe not fighting at the Pit calmed me down. Or maybe I’m not as scared anymore, and lashing out isn’t as necessary. Or maybe I have the means to fight back with a little cash.
But Charlotte is never far from my mind these days. Weymouth is not her type of town, but she doesn’t seem to mind being there. And she’s changed a lot. She’s become more willing to change while I’ve become cautious and hold onto what I have. Does money change a person? Or maybe this is how I really am now that I don’t have to worry about who’s paying.
I take a deep breath, and the air bites the inside of my nostrils. If Charlotte can face an uncertain future without fear, then I can too. So suck it up, buttercup. Or pay someone to do it for you. I burst out laughing and don’t give a shit if I’m spotted acting crazy. Mom told me I deserve it, and Wyatt did too. I stretch out my arms as if I’m taking the town. I was born to have all of this, and I won’t feel guilty because I have it all now.
I stop running in front of the gates into Alva Park. I’ve only entered it in a car, and though I am a Howland, I’m not going to push it. The security guard sees me from the gate and waves. Stunned, I almost forget to wave, but I turn back anyway and head back toward Stonehaven. Why am I wasting time feeling ashamed?
My phone buzzes, and I wonder how long I’ve been running. Are the boys here already? The number is local, but I don’t recognize it. I answer it anyway. If it’s a scam call, I’ll wish them Merry fucking Christmas before I hang up.
“Hello. Astrid Howland?”
I pause and almost say Bowen, but I don’t. “Yes, who’s this?”