Page 33 of Spiteful Lies

He watches me quietly and grins when I shake that feeling of dread off my back. I always hate how he stares through me. “You’re not the greedy opportunist I thought you would be when I scooped you out of the gutter,” he says.

“I was happier there without you.” Shit. That’s too harsh even for him, and remorse instantly softens my anger. “Sorry, but Charlotte shouldn’t have to pay for the hate you feel for her mother. Neither of us should have to pay for what happened in your past.”

Howland shuts his eyes and briefly looks peaceful. Does cancer make a person instantly fall asleep? With major hesitation, I lean over him to check if he’s still breathing. I stare into a face I’ve always hated, trying to find some decency. Why am I trying to reason with a madman? It will only drive me insane.

His eyes flash open, and he grips my sweater in his wasted fist. I squeal, amazed by the strength Howland still has in his emaciated body. I tug away from him, and he grins as I stumble back into the chair.

“Still here?” he asks. “Don’t bother waiting for a last-minute apology for treating you and your mother like shit. You won’t be getting it.”

“I don’t expect it. But you could tell me why you sent my mother to that place to be doped up. She could have stayed home and done that for free.” My lips tremble, threatening to cry. “I spent years keeping her sober after her accident, and you and your money ruined her.”

“Do you think it was really that difficult to achieve?” Howland closes his eyes. “All the women in my life have been disappointments.”

My anger exceeds my control. “Maybe you wouldn’t feel that way if you hadn’t used us as pawns in some sick game of yours.” The tears start, and I don’t try to stop them. “I’m done with this. I’m done with you. I didn’t come here for you to pick at me. I wanted to feel bad for you. But you make it impossible.”

His eyes flutter open, and I don’t hide my pain or disappointment. I let him watch the tears fall down my face as I snot-face cry like a baby. I no longer care if he thinks he’s broken me. I’m done with this man.

“Astrid, don’t be upset,” he says softly. “You’re going to be a very wealthy woman soon. My only regret is that I won’t see the next Howland.”

An awful thought fills my head—a way to get even. “There won’t be another Howland, Daddy. I’m it. I’m the last one. I won’t have a child, and certainly not to put one through this shit.”

His eyes widen as the beeps on the machine increase. The green line strobes like a neon light in a club as two nurses rush into his room. The older one runs to the bed, and he quickly checks the screens while the younger one waves me out toward the hall.

“Please leave,” she says. “You can wait in the lounge…”

Howland lifts his arms as if he wants to pull me back. “No. My daughter must stay.”

The nurse isn’t swayed, but Howland’s increasing agitation finally convinces her. “Okay, but wait behind the curtain.” She tugs it closed.

I listen as they check his stats, but they won’t find anything wrong. What I said finally got through, and I didn’t realize how hard I could strike back until now. But it doesn’t feel good, not like I thought it would.

The nurse pulls the curtain back, and Howland looks wasted again. His breathing is labored as his unfocused eyes stare at the wall. He lifts a hand toward me, beckoning me closer. My confidence slips with each step. I don’t stand too close. I don’t want him to touch me.

“Astrid, don’t.” His voice wheezes. “Don’t do that. Tell me you won’t. I’ll pay you not to.”

Shocked by his shallowness, I don’t answer him. Howland turns his head to look for me, and I can see the anguish in his clouded eyes. He’s desperate to keep his legacy on earth, and I’m his only hope. The Howland name cannot disappear and be forgotten. His only reason for finding me is now painfully apparent. There’s no love here.

“I won’t do it on purpose,” I whisper, “but I won’t promise you anything.”

He grimaces as if I struck him hard in the gut. “Stop taking the pill, and I’ll continue to pay for your mother’s care.”

“What about Charlotte?” I ask.

He pauses, grimacing in pain. “Your mother will receive the best care. Isn’t that enough? Stop taking the pill. I don’t care if the baby is a bastard as long as it has my name.”

Howland refuses to discuss Charlotte; he won’t even say her name.

He’s going to make me choose between them. I love Charlotte, but Mom only has me.

“Okay, Howland. Mom will receive the best care wherever she is. And I’ll stop taking the pill as soon as I graduate from Stonehaven.”

Howland’s head sinks into his pillow, and he closes his eyes again. Gasping, his mouth works as if he wants to say something else, and I hope he will. I hope he’ll change his mind and help Charlotte.

The nurse hurries back into the room. “You need to leave; he needs his rest.” She smiles as she guides me gently to the door. “It’s sweet of you to spend time with him. I know it must be hard. But I’m sure he appreciated your visit.”

Somehow, I doubt that very much.

Chapter 23

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