Page 68 of Hateful Lies

Chapter 33

Astrid

I put my forehead down on my desk and wait until the classroom empties out before I move. My palms are damp, and my stomach won’t give the rest of my body a break. The hardness feels good against my forehead as I struggle hard to get a grip. It’s only a man, and he’s definitely no saint. The classroom is empty, so I indulge in a loud groan. School is over for the day, and it’s time to meet my father.

When I walk into Foxworth House, Alice looks at me as if I’m a mutant escaped from a lab. Or maybe a six-foot-tall rabbit modeling the school jacket. Self-consciously, I touch my black eye. The swelling went down, so I didn’t bother with concealer. When Gillian and Bobby saw me at school again, they gave me the thumbs-up with smiles. In fact this whole week, I’ve been able to tell who goes to the Pit and who doesn’t by their reaction to my shiner. Morbid curiosity made me leave it alone, but today, I should’ve covered it like Charlotte suggested. Fuck it. I’m here now.

“Please have a seat,” Alice hurries into Dr. Rawlins’ office and says, “She’s here.” She returns immediately before I can sit down. “You can go right in, Astrid.”

I try to be civil about her attentiveness, but that woman has given me attitude since day one. Holding a grudge is a waste of time, but making her sweat a few more times would amuse me. Chin tilted, I waltz past Alice into Rawlins’ office and the door shuts behind me.

“Good…It’s Astrid,” Dr. Rawlins’ voice falters for a moment when she sees my eye. “Let me introduce you to your father. This is your father, Dr. Elliot Howland.”

The second Elliot Howland sees me, his thin lips frown. I don’t respond and spend a moment just looking at him. His slim body is in an expensive suit that’s low-key in a dull gray plaid. His blond hair is the same color as Charlotte’s except for the gray around his temples. Relief washes over me that he doesn’t look a thing like Charlotte. Though his face is handsome, it’s tight and thin. Nothing about his expression gives off a hint of openness and warmth. He looks like the type of man who would abandon his kin.

He holds out his hand, and I shake it firmly, gripping it as strongly as he grips mine. He lifts an eyebrow as if surprised. Did he expect me to kiss his school ring? For what? I tamp down the bitterness, which I’m sure is showing, and wait for him to prove what an asshole he is.

“I’ve been looking forward to this meeting,” he says in a deep voice.

I force my expression to stay neutral, but I don’t respond. Listening is more important. That, and why lie?

“Why don’t you both have a seat?” Dr. Rawlins moves away from her desk. “And I’ll be outside the door…”

My startled gaze pins hers, and I’m about to grab hold of her arm and beg Dr. Rawlins not to leave me here alone with him. I might need a witness. Before I can do anything, Howland speaks.

“No, I’d prefer if you stayed,” he replies, and glances back at me.

“I want you to stay too,” I tell Dr. Rawlins. She looks a bit surprised, but the look passes quickly. My relationship with her is shit, but at least we have one. Well, the devil you know, and I know her. Despite our disagreements, in her own way, she is trying to help me. I’m not her favorite, but at least she tries to be neutral.

There are two wingback chairs in front of the desk, and he motions to one before I sit down. He sits down beside me while Dr. Rawlins sits behind her desk. No one speaks, but I notice the uneasiness in Dr. Rawlins’ eyes. Something’s about to drop, but she’s not going to tell me.

He starts the conversation in a booming voice. “Astrid, though I’m encouraged that we are finally meeting, the circumstances pain me. I had hoped my influence would have circumvented the type of behavior you have recently displayed.”

My shoulders drop, and I try not to roll my eyes. The father that abandoned me has the nerve to lecture me. I keep my mouth shut and let him talk. Let him give me sufficient ammo to shoot him down later.

“I’ve heard details of your thievery and your promiscuity here at Stonehaven.” He scowls at Rawlins like she cheered me on. “From other sources,” he adds. “It’s alarming that given the opportunity to better yourself, you fall back on old habits instead.”

My mouth drops open, but I close it again. He doesn’t ask me if any of this is true. He refers to my old habits as if he knows me. Obviously, he doesn’t know shit.

And when he continues, I want to pretend to be asleep until he gets bored and leaves.

“To be a student at Stonehaven requires more than paying tuition. I made assurances that you would be a willing student and grateful for your opportunity to have more than what you’ve been given. I will not have you embarrassing me with your deviant behavior. Marianne has shown me your essays, and I’m convinced that you are capable. I expect more from you, Astrid.”

Holy fuck. I’m speechless because I do not know where to begin.

“I’m sure that Astrid agrees, Dr. Howland.” Dr. Rawlins jumps right in with damage control. “And as I have told you, she is making progress in her decorum. Her teachers are impressed with her schoolwork. But as a trained psychiatrist, I can tell you that she is going through an adjustment as most teenagers do. Come graduation, she will surprise not only herself but her peers.”

So when do I get to talk? My nails bite into my palms, and I grip onto my temper like a tiger ready to bite my ass. They’re expecting me to either take it or lash out. I can do this. I can stay in control.

I clear my throat and sit up straight. “We finally meet, Dr. Howland, and though I am impressed by your charity, it might have helped if you had been paying child support for the last eighteen years.”

Dr. Rawlins leaps in. “Astrid! This is not the forum to discuss that issue.”

I smile innocently because I’ve said nothing wrong. “Really? Would court be better?” I look at my father fiercely. “I wish I had your nerve because you wouldn’t have gotten away with what you’ve done to my mother. She struggled to raise me on her own, and you have the balls to call me an embarrassment? You know what’s embarrassing? Having stuck-up kids ask me who my daddy is. Ashamed of me? I’m ashamed of you.”

“Astrid,” Dr. Rawlins tries to shut it down again.

“Why now?” I ask, “Why show up now? What are you after? Everybody has an agenda.”

---