Page 12 of Lethal

He leans against the door frame, picking his nails with a knife and a know-it-all grin on his face. The fucking asshole pisses me off. Where does he get off thinking he knows me better than I do?

“Actually, what I was going to say is that you need Raven.” He straightens from his relaxed position and puts his knife away while spreading his stance, prepared for my attack. And yet at the same time, he continues speaking in the hopes he can pierce through my stubbornness by the time I reach him. “She brings you clarity, which you need right now. Something about her tends to bring you peace. You’re on the edge of your sanity. You can’t make it through this without her.”

I don’t pause my angry advancement, instead, I plow right into him, pushing him through the open doorway and out of my way so I can leave this shit hole. His mocking chuckle follows me like he knows what I’ve decided.

Finding my sister feels like a test, something I have to prove to myself before I’m able to deserve Raven in my life. But his words ring true. I need her more than I need my next breath. I never should’ve left her behind. I probably lost precious time with my poor mistake.

This isn’t the first time he’s tried to reason with me, but unlike all the others, he’s finally reached through my thick skull. The words soak into my thoughts like they’re the answer I’ve been seeking all this time.

I’ve been a fool. A total and complete fool.

How could I have thought leaving Raven behind was an option? I gave her my soul, gave her my everything. There’s no me without her. I’ve been working as half a man without even realizing it. No wonder I’ve come up empty at every turn.

Now that I’ve realized my mistake, I can’t fix it fast enough. “Hurry the fuck up,” I yell over my shoulder, encouraging Vander to keep up with me. Now that I have a new goal in sight, I can’t promise I won’t leave him behind. I have to get back to Raven to have any chance of finding my sister. I have to weather her anger and convince her to help me. It’s the only way.

Bodies litter my path as I make my way to the car. Yet another building drenched in blood. Now that I’m thinking more clearly, I can’t help but wish Raven was here to revel in the fun by my side. The way I left was completely selfish, but I’ve never claimed to be a good guy.

“In a rush?” Vander questions, amusement in his tone. “Nice to know I finally got through to you,” he adds, shoving an elbow into my side as he blows past me. Seems I’m not the only one in a hurry to see our woman.

As we move through the building, Vander picks up various items. Guns I’ve discarded, a knife here and there, silencing someone who wasn’t quite dead yet. I suddenly realize how valuable he was to have with me, how much he’s been cleaning up and making sure I don’t leave behind evidence that could bite me in the ass later.

Not that they’d ever find my prints in the system, and good luck hunting me down. I’d manipulate the information as soon as it entered their systems. They’d be chasing their tails in circles trying to discover my location. It would probably be amusing as fuck to watch, but not something I’d be willing to toy with. The risk wouldn’t be worth it.

By the time we make it to the car, I thoroughly hate myself. We have several hours on the road before I get to see Raven… Before the groveling can start. I can only hope she won’t hold this against me. That she’ll see past my stupidity, even if she does shoot me again for leaving in the first place. If I have any hope of making progress on finding my twin, I’ll need to fix my mistakes.

“You’re driving,” I tell Vander, tossing him the keys. He immediately lifts his hand and smoothly catches them. At the same time, I pull out my phone and stare at the chat threads while opening the passenger door and climbing in. For a moment, I think about using the thread that will show up as Cole on her phone, but after a moment of debate, I choose the one she’s been messaging me on. The one that will show up as Ravenmaster.

The ruse is well and truly over. She knows we all have access to it, she just doesn’t know we’ve all messaged her under the same pseudonym. It’s mostly been me, but the others chime in from time to time. We’ve all played a part in grooming her, in shaping her into the best serial killer she can be. Our adorable little murderer.

Self-loathing beats me up more than she ever could as I see the texts she’s added to the previously unanswered ones. Jasper hasn’t tried again to dissuade her from messaging me. And each day I’ve been gone, she’s added to the list, never giving up her pursuit of getting me to answer.

How in the hell has she bewitched me into realizing how wrong I was? Raven and I are cut from the same cloth. We don’t experience emotions like the masses. Something inside us died long ago. It was murdered, and in its place, darkness rooted itself. Making a home and growing into a savage hungry monster that demands to be fed.

And yet… something has been slowly changing. She found a way to plant herself alongside my darkness. Found a way to sprout and grow, twining around the pitch black void and battling the odds to bloom without light. Somehow… without any explanation… she’s an outlier to the rule. The only person who can invoke some sense of humanity in me.

I once told her there’s a chance we can teach each other how to live again. She sparked hope inside me that day, and I think it’s coming true. I can breathe next to her. My dead heart fucking beats when I’m near her. I look forward to doing everything with her. Thinking of my life ten, twenty, thirty years down the road, she’s still beside me.

Goddamnit, I’m obsessed.

Maybe my sense of guilt isn’t me losing my mind. There’s no need to question my entire existence. As I think about it, it’s not an expression of me feeling this way for everyone. I have zero shits to give for the massive amount of people I’ve killed the past several days. This is wholly unique to Raven.

Even the desperation to find my sister is an echo from the man I used to be. The man who disappeared when I found false proof she was dead. It’s not a true reflection of the empty shell I’ve become.

Without thinking about it, my fist slams into the car door. A pulsing beat pounds in my knuckles, reminding me how ripped up they are. Suddenly, pain rips through me. My knuckles are now a faint annoyance in the background. Muscles throb throughout my body, ones I thought I’d kept up with conditioning, but clearly, I’m not in shape enough to withstand a three day killing spree.

Several cuts burn as if I poured antiseptic on them. But none of it compares to the gunshot wound in my thigh. I’ve run on adrenaline since it happened, and now it feels as if it’s been drained from my body like someone pulled the plug keeping it pumping through my veins.

“Fuck! That hurts like a motherfucker.” I grip my thigh on either side of the wound as if it will do something to squelch the pain. I know better than this, but my brain clearly hasn’t been working on all cylinders lately.

Vander’s deep chuckle fills the small space. “Finally catching up to you, huh? There’s a bag in the backseat with supplies for you to change the bandage.”

A grunt rumbles from my chest as I ignore him, focusing on my phone once more. The pain is an extension of her love, and I’ll enjoy every moment of it until I’m with her again.

Ravenmaster: I’m on my way, Raven. I’m coming home.

I left my bright spot behind, and now it’s time to get her back. My dark raven will light my way.

Chapter 7

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