Page 186 of Ruined Beta

This sudden turn around has been incredible, but everything in me is telling me I have to do this.

“I’m not,” I manage, not sure it’s convincing.

“Well, it seems like you are,” she tells me, sounding deflated. “You have mates now. True, fated mates. Can’t you just be happy about that?”

“I am happy.”

“No, Leanne. If you were really, truly happy, you wouldn’t feel like you need to do this. Don’t do it!”

She hangs up, and I swallow down the lump in my throat.

It hurts that she thinks I’m so broken.

I knew I was, when I was drinking.

I thought when I got sober, I’d changed.

I thought I’d gotten rid of all my demons.

Maybe there’s one left. One tiny little voice in my head that won’t shut up, because I’m never going to believe I deserve a happy life. If I listen to it now, I could actually die, or worse.

Shuddering against the wall, I try to pull myself together.

I don’t have to go to Anchor West tomorrow.

I have a choice. I have free will.

I don’t have to let my demons define me.

Chapter Ninety-Five

Spencer

When I get back to the couch with the candy tin and a supersized bag of popcorn, I find Toshi on the couch alone. I glance around but I don’t see Leanne. She’s not in the room.

“Bathroom?” I ask as I set the snacks down on the coffee table.

“She went into my room to take a call from her daughter.” Toshi nods toward his room.

The lights are out, but she probably just went in there to get a little privacy.

That’s not so easy to find when most of the apartment is one big open space.

“So, did you pick a movie?”

“Well, the latest thriller is one about a woman being stalked by a serial killer, so I figured that was out. The second most watched movie is literally about Frank Palmer’s fucked up life, with that guy from all those eighties movies playing Frank Palmer. I don’t think I want to ruin Leanne’s night and also her childhood all at once, so maybe you should get looking.”

He hands me the remote and leans forward to pick a couple of mini candy bars out of the stash.

I skip past all the dark, horror looking stuff. I kind of forgot everything went a bit slasher movie when Frank Palmer was finally killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the made-for-streaming movies made some kind of reference to his final victim who survived, albeit with the name changed since there’s no way in hell Leanne would have signed off on something like that.

I need to find something as far away from that shit as possible.

After a couple more minutes of searching, I find an action flick full of car chases and explosions.

It sounds cheesy as hell, but it’s not going to trigger a trauma reaction in our mate.

“Oh, I heard about this one,” Toshi says, apparently happy with the choice.

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