Page 63 of Find Me on the Ice

More than anything, I want it to be. If it only involved me, I would want to have the conversation about who I really was. But it’d immediately put my family in danger.

What Cam and I have already done is dangerous enough.

I should cut it off where we are.

A cold shiver runs down my spine at the thought. I don’t want to stop talking to Cam.

My eyes burn from frustration as Chloe takes my hand in hers. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed it.”

I shake my head, and a tear falls down my cheek. “No, it’s fine. I’m so torn, Chlo. I don’t know what to do.”

Rubbing the back of my hand, she says softly, “Yeah, you do. The bottom line is, you like him, and you want to see him. So, let’s go.”

“What do you mean?” I scoff.

She lets go of my hand and types rapidly into her phone. “They are playing tomorrow night. We’re going.”

I laugh and begin to stand when I’m yanked by my shirt back down to the couch.

“It’s about damn time that you get a little piece of your own happiness, Morgan! We’re going to this game because you deserve to smile. And I’ve never seen you smile like you do with Cam.” She shoves her phone into my hands. “You pick the seats. I’ll book the plane and make sure we have signs up for the shop’s closure.”

Blinking the tears out of my eyes, I lift her phone up and look for the seats farthest from the ice. Not that I don’t want to see Cam play, but I don’t want anyone else to see me. So, I select the absolute farthest row and add two tickets into the cart and hand it back to her.

“Good. I’ll get everything ready. Don’t stress for a second about the shop. Our customers are the best and most understanding. We’ll give the regulars a free drink when we see them again,” she assures me as she stands up and walks away into the kitchen.

I often think about where I would be right now if I’d never met Chloe. But I always have a hard time picturing it. Maybe because I don’t want to imagine what it would be like. She’s right, as she annoyingly usually is. I deserve to be happy too. I just don’t know how far I’ll let myself fall into comfort and love before it’s too late and everyone else falls with me.

Walking over to my bed, I notice something black tucked under the corner of the comforter. Pulling it back, I find Cam’s hoodie, and I freeze. Gently, I bring it up to my face and breathe it in, feeling my shoulders relax as I exhale.

Cam is ruining all of my plans of staying hidden and tucked away. But the only place I find myself wanting to be lately is with him. He understands me—better than he even knows. He knows true terror and pain; he knows what it’s like to be hurt by someone you love.

I inhale again and know that two paths lie ahead of me, and I need to choose one—either I will be forced to say good-bye to the first true comfort that I have found in years or I need to reveal the truth of who I am.

“I swear to God, Nikki, you are never in charge of buying the tickets again,” Chloe complains as we continue to climb the never-ending stairs to our seats.

I laugh. “You told me to pick.”

She turns around and scolds me with her stare. “Well, I didn’t think you would literally pick the last row in the rink.”

Shrugging, I turn and follow her down the row into our seats as the light show continues in the dimmed rink.

This is the first hockey game I’ve ever been to. I’ve watched bits and pieces of games that my dad used to have on the TV, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing about it. My dad would probably fangirl if he ever met Cam. My dad is a big hockey fan. Well, he’s a big fan of pretty much every sport, but he has a soft spot for hockey.

The crowd goes crazy as I turn around and sit down, and I quickly find the reason why. Silver-and-black-and-white jerseys decorate the ice as the Nighthawks fly onto it. The cheering is almost deafening, and I wasn’t expecting to feel so exhilarated.

I recognize the Nighthawks logo on the jerseys, and I immediately start looking for Cam.

They seem so far away that it’s almost impossible to even tell what the jerseys say, so I’m forced to rely on the Jumbotron.

And then I see him, and the noise seems to stop. The camera follows him as he glides on the ice, handling the puck with such grace. It’s mesmerizing, watching him in his true element.

The camera locks on to a different player, and I sigh. I wish I could bribe whoever’s controlling that to stay on Cam the whole night. Every time I get a glimpse of him, I feel my stomach flutter.

My mind and my heart are in a constant war right now. I know what I feel for Cam is real and evolving. And I’m afraid that my heart might win in the end, and that scares me more than anything. I push the never-ending thoughts away and focus on the present.

I glance over and see Chloe completely unaware of the fact that we’re at a game right now. She is so zoned into her phone with a smile on her face.

“Who are you texting that makes you look like that?” I nudge her with my shoulder.

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