Page 4 of The Edge of Never

My forehead rested on top of the steering wheel momentarily. I had to get a hold of myself. Jenna was gone. I was here. This was for the best. Getting back into mountaineering would help. It’d been my first love for as long as I could remember, having grown up surrounded by the Cairngorms. Being outdoors amongst nature was where I felt most at home.

Getting out of the car, I grunted as the cold hit my face. While I was used to winters here, this year was a particularly cold one. The previous year had been mild, which was good for those wanting to get up into the hills. No such luck this year. You had to be wary out on the mountains at the best of times. The weather could turn at any moment. One could not overstate the importance of winter mountaineering courses like the one Callan ran. Too many people went out without taking the necessary precautions or having an understanding of the dangers that could befall them.

Callan often gave me shit about being over-prepared for every eventuality, but it was better to be safe than sorry. I had every reason to ensure nothing went wrong, and if it did, then I’d be ready for it.

After retrieving my bag from the back of the car, I trudged into the lodge that Callan ran the courses out of. When I arrived in the room, I found it full of people. I spotted Callan at the back, talking to his fellow instructor, Ruairí. My feet carried me through the throng to reach them.

“There ye are,” Callan said as I came to a stop next to him.

I didn’t apologise for being late. The roads were a bit ropey this morning. I lived out of town on a dirt road off a single track, far away from everyone else. It suited me better. I could choose when I wanted to spend time with people outside of work, which wasn’t all that often these days.

“Aye, like I promised.”

He gave me a pat on the back, earning him a scowl. Ruairí let out a belly laugh at the sight of it. No fucking surprises there. He thought I was a miserable bastard. And to be honest, since Jenna died, I had been.

“Ye didnae say this grumpy fuck would be coming.”

Callan grinned and winked at him.

“Slipped mah mind.”

I wanted to tell them both to shut up, but I refrained. Wouldn’t do me any good to make a bad impression on the people we were teaching. Besides, Callan would have told Ruairí. They were married, after all. His husband merely liked to give me a lot of shite.

“The group’s already getting tae know one another,” Callan said to me.

He pointed everyone out, giving me their names, most of which I promptly forgot. There were thirteen of them. Callan and Ruairí could have handled this themselves, but Callan kept telling me I needed to get back out there. He didn’t want me going off on my own when I was still grieving Jenna’s death.

I almost rolled my eyes when he told me that. What did he think I was going to do? Something idiotic? I’d gone off the rails when it first happened, but I was better now. At least, I wasn’t drowning my sorrows in whisky every night. That helped me see clearer. No more self-destructive behaviour. Jenna would have hated seeing me that way. I was trying to be better even though some days getting out of bed was a struggle and a half.

“And that’s Kit.” He pointed to a person with shoulder-length dark hair and the lightest blue eyes I’d ever encountered behind a pair of round glasses. “They’re on their own. Rest are couples or pairs, so they might need a partner at some point.”

“They?” I asked, wanting to be sure I heard Callan right, so I didn’t misgender them by accident.

“Kit’s non-binary.”

“Aye, right.”

“Ye ready tae get this show on the road?”

“Aye,” Ruairí said, breaking out into a smile.

I nodded slowly, rubbing my beard with one hand as I watched Kit stare out of the window at the snow outside. They were off to one side of the room and didn’t show any interest in interacting with the others. I knew how that felt. People did my head in more often than not.

Callan got everyone’s attention and introduced me and Ruairí before letting them know the order of events. I took a seat at the back, allowing them to do their thing. The morning was dedicated to Callan going over winter safety essentials, such as avoiding avalanches and handling emergencies. The group was very engaged, leaving me time to go through the kit list and check everyone had everything they’d been required to bring.

After lunch, we did navigation and training on using an ice axe and crampons outside in the cold. I was helping a couple who were struggling with their axe when a yelp sounded from behind me. Spinning around, I spied Kit slumped in the snow with a grimace on their face.

“Gimme a minute,” I said to the couple.

I set the axe aside and approached them, extending my hand.

Kit stared up at me with those icy blue eyes and a wrinkled nose.

“I tripped.”

“Aye, I can see that.”

They put their gloved hand out, letting me haul them up out of the snow. Kit only came up to my shoulder. They were small compared to my larger build. Given I worked in forestry and did a lot of hillwalking in my spare time, it wasn’t surprising.

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