Page 44 of The Edge of Never

How they knew that I had no idea. It was disconcerting to have someone see through my words.

“Ye dinnae need tae worry aboot me.”

Kit scoffed. Then they were out of my arms and the sleeping bag before I could blink. I turned to find them digging in their pack. They returned to my side with two pills and a water bottle.

“Take them, and don’t you dare say I shouldn’t worry about you again. I’m taking care of you while you’re incapacitated. I want no complaints and no arguments to the contrary.”

Rather than opening my mouth to retort, I took the painkillers and swallowed them with the water.

Kit set the bottle down next to the sleeping mat. Then they pulled on their fleece and sat beside me. Their expression was guarded, but I could see the concern bleeding out of them. Concern for me and my injury. For our predicament. For everything between us.

“I need to, uh, go… so I’ll be back in a bit.” They looked around before reaching out and picking up an empty bottle. “If you need to, then use this and I’ll empty it when I get back.”

“Aye, right.”

They set it down by the water bottle, got themselves dressed, and headed out.

Every second Kit was gone, I replayed the words they’d said over and over in my head. The vehemence in their voice. Did Kit care about me? And why? While I understood we were relying on each other to survive, it felt like more. Like Kit didn’t actually dislike me at all. They didn’t want me specifically to be in pain rather than them merely being a kind person looking out for their fellow human being.

Am I reading into this too much? Am I seeing things that aren’t there because of my own conflicting feelings for them?

I had to be. This was why I needed to deal with my feelings. I couldn’t go around projecting them onto Kit. That wasn’t fair. They had no idea that I didn’t dislike them. I hadn’t made it clear. They were probably out there cursing me to high hell. Asking why they had to get stuck with someone like me. The thought of that made me smile despite myself.

Kit was so damn fucking adorable. As much as I complained about the shite they said to me, I couldn’t help finding it endearing. The fact they weren’t scared to put me in my place. Maybe I needed that.

Jenna had never been that way. In fact, my wife was the opposite of Kit. She was rarely combative. We had a harmonious life together until that night. And it haunted me. Every moment leading up to her death was a living fucking nightmare. The aftermath was worse.

But what if I needed a challenge now? Something to break the status quo. I mean, fuck, being stuck in a glen in the snow without knowing whether you’d be rescued was one way of doing it. Then to have someone with you who you didn’t know whether you wanted to strangle or… or… I didn’t know if I wanted to contemplate the alternative. If I could even think it in my head. Kit was another problem on top of the already dire straits I was in.

By the time Kit came back, I’d used the bottle they gave me and tucked myself up in the sleeping bag. The temperature felt like it had dropped. I could hear the wind whistling outside the fabric of the tent. The barely audible sound of the snow landing on it. It was Kit’s stomping feet through the snow that alerted me to their return. The sound of zips followed by them sticking their head into the opening they’d made.

“You have something for me?”

I nodded to the bottle I’d left by the entrance. They picked it up and disappeared for a few minutes. Upon their return, Kit stripped off their coat and boots but kept their trousers on. Then they handed me their hand sanitiser. I squirted some onto my hands, rubbing it over my skin before putting them back under the cover.

“While I was out, I remembered we should probably elevate your ankle, but first I want to check to see if the swelling has gone down.”

I let them unzip the bag to check on my ankle. It looked worse than it had done last night, but that was because of the very apparent bruising.

“I usually have a first aid kit, but Callan and Ruairí had it covered for oor trip,” I said, wanting to break the tense silence between us.

“It can’t be helped. At least we have a way to keep warm and food even if we can’t fully treat your injury. Think that counts as a win.”

Kit rolled my sock back up and carefully folded their coat to prop my ankles up on it.

“If ye say so.”

“If you hadn’t been so over-prepared for a single day’s walk, we would’ve been fucked. I’m taking the wins where I can.”

They gave me a half-smile before turning and digging at our food supplies. They picked something up out of it. Then they came over and sat on the narrow space I’d left on the sleeping mat. Kit opened the chocolate bar and snapped off a piece that they held out towards me.

“Open.”

I stared at them.

“What?”

“Well, your arms are in the bag.”

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