Page 115 of The Edge of Never

“Am no—”

“Ye are, and I dinnae blame ye. Putting yerself oot there is terrifying, especially after what ye’ve been through. Just dinnae let that fear hold ye back forever. Work through yer stuff and we’ll see where ye are after that. I have their contact details, so ye’ve no lost yer chance with them. Ye just need tae ask when ye’re ready.”

I was about to reply that I didn’t think that was a good idea when Ruairí walked in, looking a wee bit worse for wear.

“Morning, when did this grumpy fuck get here?” he asked, looking at me as he walked over to Callan and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“A while ago, ye were asleep. He needed some girl talk.”

Ruairí looked between us.

“Did he?”

“Shut the fuck up, Callan,” I grumbled.

“Am surprised this one willingly talked aboot his emotions.” Ruairí pointed a thumb in my direction. “Ye said it was like pulling teeth.”

I shoved away from the counter and got up, finishing off my coffee.

“And that’s mah signal tae leave.”

“We’re no done,” Callan said.

“Aye, we are. I have a lot tae think aboot. Thank ye for listening.”

And with that, I walked out, leaving the two of them to stare after me. I didn’t really feel like being around people any longer. Not when I needed to unpack all of my feelings regarding Jenna… and my sexuality. Perhaps if I did that, I might take Callan up on his offer to give me a way to contact Kit. Perhaps not. I didn’t know how long it would take. And if Kit would even be open to more with me.

Callan wasn’t wrong. I was afraid. I just didn’t know if I was more scared of their potential rejection or the other possibility… them actually wanting a relationship with me.

Thirty Seven

Kit

Three weeks, two days, nine hours, and twenty-eight minutes. That was how long it had been since I’d left Scotland. Since I’d last seen Thane. And it sucked.

Two and a half weeks shouldn’t be long enough to fall in love with someone, but most people didn’t spend several nights trapped in a tent in the mountains, forced to rely on a stranger for survival. They didn’t get to dig into each other’s darkest secrets and worst memories. Those things showed a lot about a person.

The bond I formed with Thane was deeply emotional. And without it, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with my life. It wasn’t like I was thriving before I left for Scotland, but meeting him, and being shown how I could be treated well and have my needs met, was eye-opening. Getting back to reality had proven to me that my life had been about taking care of others and never myself. But changing that was scary… downright terrifying, to be honest. And I had no idea how to do it.

I had the keys to Dad’s flat, so I didn’t bother knocking. He downsized after Olly moved out. The house got to be too much for him.

“Dad?” I called out.

It was almost six, which meant dinner time. I could hear noises coming from the kitchen, so I wandered into the room, finding Dad chatting with his carer, Janice. She had dinner on the go while he was sitting at the small table in the corner.

“Oh hello, sweetheart,” Dad said as he saw me come in.

“Hey, Dad.”

I went over and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before shedding my coat and bag. Then I sat down across from him. He was all smiles, but I didn’t feel like being cheerful. In fact, I was wallowing in misery. Dad didn’t expect me to pretend I was okay, anyway. There was no need to put on an act when we were together.

He continued talking to Janice as she finished up dinner before putting a couple of plates in front of us. I’d told her several times that she didn’t need to make me anything during my weekly after-work visits to my father, but she paid me no mind. Said it was nice that his kid came over every week.

Dad didn’t work due to his mobility issues, but he went out with a local group regularly. He had friends and people to see other than me, but apparently, family was most important, according to Janice. I kept my mouth shut about that, knowing our values differed. My so-called mother had betrayed us, so I wasn’t inclined to believe that family mattered above all. Not when I had proof to the contrary.

After Janice left, Dad and I ate in a peaceful silence before I washed up and he went into the living room. I joined him, taking a seat on the sofa while he reclined in his favourite armchair with his feet up.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” he asked after I kept sighing as the two of us watched TV.

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