Page 109 of The Edge of Never

Neither of us spoke after that, both content to just be with each other in the aftermath of Sienna’s presence at my house. I think I liked that best, having Kit in my arms, their body pressed to mine. It was peaceful and comforting. Kit gave me all the affection I didn’t realise I needed in the exact way I needed it.

Why did I have to meet you? I don’t regret it, but the fact you live so far away, and I can’t have you is just… devastating.

It didn’t matter what way I looked at it, I couldn’t make Kit mine. How I wished our circumstances were different. However, the one thing meeting Kit had done was make me very aware of the changes I had to make in my life. How I had to work past my grief and pain. As much as Callan kept pressing me to do it, it had taken meeting this vivacious soul and almost dying out there in the mountains to realise that I had so much to live for.

For the very first time in almost two years, I no longer wished I’d died in that car crash with Jenna. I was grateful to be alive. And I owed all of that to Kit.

Thirty Five

Kit

As I stood on the platform waiting for my train, I fidgeted and tried not to think too hard about what was about to happen. I’d put off dealing with my emotions regarding leaving because I knew if I started down that road, I would end up in a crying mess on the floor. That wasn’t going to be good for anyone.

Thane and I had spent the last few days resting and talking about our lives. Getting to know more about him had only cemented my feelings for him. He was, quite frankly, the kindest and most protective person I’d ever had the pleasure of being around.

As we talked, I shared more about my autistic traits. I told him what it was like for me to go about in a world full of barriers and overstimulation.

He told me more about his love of the outdoors, what types of things he foraged, and how many Munros he’d bagged. Sixty out of two hundred and eighty-two, to be precise. All the ones in the Cairngorms National Park, plus a few others. He wanted to travel further afield to do some more, but since Jenna’s death, he hadn’t done a whole lot of walking up mountains.

I didn’t blame him, considering his grief had been all-consuming for a long time. I hoped going forward he would find a way to live for the now and not be stuck in the past. That was something I had to do too. Work past my grief and loss to live a more fulfilling life that didn’t revolve around people who were bad for me.

My eyes darted up towards the board, checking the time, and noted the train should be arriving in a few minutes. That prompted me to look at Thane, who was staring at the platform on the other side of the tracks. We hadn’t said all that much to each other this morning as we had breakfast and I finished packing up my stuff.

His ankle was a lot better now, and he’d insisted on driving me here. I expected him to drop me at the entrance to the train station, but he’d come onto the platform to see me off.

I didn’t know how I would deal with being separated from him. What had been around two and a half weeks had felt like a lifetime. Everything inside me kept screaming, telling me to speak up and let him know how I felt, but I couldn’t. He gave no indication he wanted to continue this. I was too afraid to put myself out there like that.

My whole life had been a series of rejections from other people. And while I trusted Thane wholeheartedly, I was very aware of the obstacles that stood in the way of this working out in the long run. They were hurdles I wasn’t sure I could face knowing how much change that would entail. I didn’t do well with change, especially not the huge, life-altering type.

Knowing I only had minutes left with Thane, I stepped in front of him. He looked down at me right before I pressed myself against his chest and wrapped my arms around his back. He hugged me, resting his chin on the top of my head. I breathed him in, trying to commit to memory his scent and the way his body moulded to mine.

There had been more sex between us while I was at his, but last night, we had merely cuddled in his bed before we went to sleep. There was so much more to us than a sexual connection. We had a powerful emotional bond forged in the worst circumstances. And I didn’t want to let that go.

You have to.

“Thank you,” I whispered into his chest.

Those words weren’t enough to explain how grateful I was to have met him, but they were the only ones I knew.

“Thank ye tae,” he murmured back.

The rumble of the train on the tracks vibrated through me. My arms didn’t want to release him. My body cried out to stay in his embrace. But I didn’t listen to either of them. Slowly, I untangled myself from him, stepping back as the train pulled into the station.

Thane had a guarded expression on his face. I didn’t know what he was thinking, how he was feeling about me leaving. He hadn’t said. We hadn’t talked about today at all.

“Have a safe trip,” he said with a nod.

I forced myself to smile.

“I’m sure I will.”

I couldn’t find it in me to say the word goodbye to him. That had so much finality to it. I wanted to leave the door open for something more, even if it was a possibility that didn’t feel obtainable. Instead, I nodded slowly and turned. My eyes went to the train carriage. Luckily, it was the one on my ticket. I took hold of the handle of my suitcase and started towards the door, dragging it behind me.

You’re just going to leave it like that, Kit? Is this it? Are you going to walk away without giving him any indication of your feelings towards him?

I paused a foot from the door. My fingers released the suitcase as I turned.

Thane wasn’t watching me. He had his hands dug into his pockets and his gaze was on the floor in front of him. He had his auburn hair up in a messy bun and was bundled up in a big winter coat.

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