Page 95 of The Edge of Never

“Saved ye?”

“They dragged me oot of a stream after I fell in. That’s how I twisted mah ankle. They took care of me, made sure I got warm and dry. If it wasnae for them… well, we dinnae need tae think aboot that.”

I probably shouldn’t have told my parents I almost died, but lying to my mother wasn’t going to do me any favours. Our relationship was strained enough as it was.

“Ye almost died?”

Her voice took on an alarmed tone.

“I wasnae at death’s door, Mum. Am just saying they made sure I stayed alive.”

Her other hand went to her neck.

“I dinnae think I could stand it if ye never came back, Thane. It doesnae even feel that long ago since we lost Jenna.”

I flinched at her words. Why she always had to remind me of Jenna’s death whenever I saw her was a mystery to me. It felt like a punishment. Not something I would have ever said before I exposed the whole truth of that sorry night to Kit. But now I had some very different feelings regarding my dead wife and our relationship. Difficult feelings I would eventually have to work through. However, I didn’t want to do that when I only had a week to spend with Kit. Focusing on them and this connection we shared felt like the right thing to do. Dwelling on my past was something I did all too often. And I didn’t want to be that person any longer. The one who drowned in misery and pain. He didn’t feel like me.

“Dae ye always have tae mention Jenna?”

Mum blinked.

“What?”

“Every time we see each other, ye always bring up Jenna.”

What are you doing?

“She was a big part of oor lives.”

“Aye, but she’s no here noo. She’s gone and I dinnae wannae be reminded of that all the fucking time.”

I rarely said fuck around my parents, despite having no compunction about doing it around anyone else. It didn’t come as a surprise that they both looked taken aback by my words.

“Thane—”

“Ye talk aboot it like ye would rather have her here than me. Am tired of it. I wannae live withoot feeling guilty for it when she fucking died. Ye’re no helping me dae that. I thought I was gonnae die oot there in the mountains and here we are talking aboot Jenna yet again. Is it any fucking wonder we’re barely on speaking terms when ye keep bringing up mah dead wife every chance ye get?”

Two years of bottled-up resentment came out without me wanting it to. I hadn’t been very good to them in the aftermath of the accident, but they didn’t make things easier on me. Maybe they didn’t know the right things to say. I tried so hard not to take it out on them when they were trying their best with me. But it was fucking difficult when they kept throwing the subject I wanted to avoid in my face time and time again. And I guess this was the final straw. The one occasion where it was time to focus on me and it had still come back around to Jenna.

I ground my teeth together to stop myself from saying more, from making it worse.

My mother looked horrified at my outburst. I didn’t even turn my gaze to my father, knowing I would only see disappointed in his features.

Mum swallowed and blinked back tears. Then she slowly stood up.

“Right, well, we should get going. Ye need yer rest. I hope yer ankle heals up soon.”

She awkwardly patted my shoulder and moved away towards the front door.

“Son,” came Dad’s voice as he stood too, “we’ll see ye soon.”

I balled my hands at my sides and tried not to hate myself even more for upsetting them. And yet it needed to be said. I couldn’t go on listening to them talk about Jenna forever. It was wearing on me too much.

Their footsteps echoed on the wooden floor. The sound of the door sliding open and shut had me holding my breath. I let it out when the car started up. Then I leaned forward, put my face in my hands and let out a sigh.

“Fuck.”

A few minutes later, the soft pad of feet alerted me to their presence. I didn’t look up or move from my spot. What I was not expecting was for Kit to crawl onto the sofa, squeeze themselves in the wee space behind me and wrap their arms around my front. They rested their head against my back and breathed with me.

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