Page 57 of The Edge of Never

“What was she like?” Kit asked after they put the ration pack away when we were done. “I mean, other than kind and understanding.”

I set my arm down behind Kit without thinking about it. The edge of my thumb brushed against them, but I didn’t move it.

“She was very serious.”

“Serious?”

“Aye. Very competitive and a hard worker. She did have a playful side, it just didnae come oot very often.”

Jenna worked for her parents at their bakery. She wanted to run it when they retired. She worked long hours, putting her all into it because that was her ambition in life. To be successful.

“We both enjoyed mountaineering, but it was always more mah thing than hers. She’d always wannae be first tae the top… and I let her. Made her happy tae be number one.”

As the years had gone by, Jenna had come out with me less and less, especially after Callan and Ruairí set up their business together. It became the thing I did with them rather than her. I should have realised then how our lives had begun to separate. There were a lot of things I should have realised about our relationship that I hadn’t.

“We had different interests, but we had a common life goal. Being with each other through thick and thin. At least, that’s what I thought we had. Everyone always said we were perfect for each other.”

I rubbed my beard with my free hand as my thumb absently brushed against Kit’s thigh.

“Am beginning tae think people saw a perfect marriage on the ootside that was actually crumbling on the inside.”

Kit turned their face towards me. Their brow was furrowed, and they had a very serious look in their eyes.

“What makes you say that?”

“The year before she died, things were strained between us. She grew distant, but I didnae realise until it was tae late.”

Kit trembled slightly, but they kept their eyes on me.

I wondered what they made of my admission. It wasn’t something I had told anyone else, not even Callan. It was hard to admit my marriage was failing long before Jenna died. And, honestly, it was the last thing on my mind in the wake of her death. The pain of losing her overshadowed all of that.

“Are ye cold?”

“Just a bit.”

“Come lie doon with me then.”

They didn’t protest, even if they looked at me with concern. If only I could read their thoughts, I’d know how they felt about what I was telling them. But that wasn’t something anyone could do.

I shifted down into the sleeping bag. Rather than turning on my side, I let Kit settle on top of me. It was easier to keep my ankle propped up that way. It hurt less when it was elevated.

My hands landed on their back, one falling at the base of their spine. Neither of us spoke as we lay there. Kit’s soft breath dusted across my neck as their head was on my shoulder. I stroked their back, feeling relatively content. I had more to divulge to them, but I wasn’t in a rush.

Would it be easier to talk about it when I was concentrating on how close they were to me? Kit made me feel safe somehow. Then there was the fact we were alone out here in a wee bubble of our own. There was no one else around to judge or input their opinion. Kit didn’t know Jenna. Had no preconceived notions about our relationship and what happened between us. There was less pressure on me. I didn’t have to hide the fact we argued that night in the car or what we had been fighting about.

It was only the guilt of walking out of that vehicle alive when Jenna died that lingered in my mind. And the grief of losing the woman I’d loved for so long.

Nineteen

Kit

Listening to Thane talk about his wife made my heart hurt. There was no fondness in his tone, even when he told me what she was like. He sounded more broken than anything else. That made sense after he admitted their marriage wasn’t doing so well. But it didn’t sit right with me.

I worried about what he would say next. He’d been building up to her death in his own way. I didn’t want to push him or put a time limit on it. Thane had clearly bottled all of this up for a very long time.

“We went tae a wedding for her friend a few hours away.”

I rested my hand on his chest and waited for him to continue, knowing this was it. He was going to tell me what happened. Thane hadn’t alluded to the circumstances of Jenna’s death. I didn’t know what I was in for.

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