Page 50 of The Edge of Never

“Ye dinnae have tae talk aboot it.”

They shook their head and let out a hollow laugh.

“What the fuck else are we going to do?” Their face fell. “Well, I do need to pee. Maybe I’ll feel better after that, but I doubt it.”

“Kit…”

They shook their head.

“No, don’t. I just… I’ve not told anyone about what Sienna did, okay? Instead, I hid from it, and then I came here. I thought that would help, but it hasn’t. I don’t do well if I can’t process things verbally, and that’s a double-edged sword because it takes me way longer to process shit than it does for other people. So I’m stuck, and it sucks. But you don’t have to listen to me either. It’s not your job to help me deal with my bullshit life, so don’t worry about it.”

My mouth stayed shut as they struggled their way out of the sleeping bag and into their clothes. I didn’t know what to do when they left to do their business, other than take a piss too. It made me feel so fucking useless knowing they would have to empty the bottle when they got back. Kit was only trying to make it easier on me, but it didn’t feel right, me relying on them this much felt so… alien.

And they were wrong. I wanted to listen to them. Wanted to know what this Sienna person did to upset them. If they talked about it, they might feel better, and less burdened. I just really didn’t want Kit to be sad or feel alone. No, I wanted to protect them. Had done so from the very moment I met them.

I might not have been able to save my wife, but I could help Kit. I had to help Kit. Not to make myself feel better, but because they needed it. Their needs were more important than my own right then.

By the time Kit came back, I’d gone over a hundred different ways to get them to talk in my head. None of them were right. Jenna was better at this shite, at encouraging people to open up and being a good listener. I wasn’t bad with people necessarily. I just didn’t deal with emotions very well. I would try for Kit. We didn’t have anyone else but each other.

They dealt with the bottle before returning and stripping out of their outer layers then setting their glasses down by the mat. Kit got back into the sleeping bag with me, shivering the whole time.

“It’s not got any better out there,” they murmured, pressing themselves against me for warmth.

The fact they didn’t hesitate to get close to me had my heart pumping harder. It made me tuck my arms around them, wanting to share my body heat. It was the only way I could keep them safe in this situation. What a fucking meagre offering it was compared to all they’d had to do for me.

“I cannae remember the last time we had a storm like this.”

“Just my luck. The first time I visit Scotland, I get stuck in a once-in-a-lifetime storm.”

I snorted.

“Mibbe no once-in-a-lifetime.”

“No, I suppose not. I just hope it’s only once in my lifetime.”

My fingers splayed themselves out over their lower back. Their breath hitched. Maybe I was taking liberties, but I didn’t really care at that moment. The urge to touch them was far too strong for me to resist. It was as if every passing second chipped away at my resolve. Every moment we spent in this dire situation had me throwing my guilt and worries out of the window. All because I couldn’t stop looking at Kit and seeing someone who was carrying a heavy weight just like me. It was unexpected and perhaps unwanted to feel things for them, but what the fuck did it matter when I had no idea if we would escape our snowy prison.

“Tell me aboot Sienna.”

Kit’s whole body went tense.

“I told you not to worry—”

“Aye, I remember what ye said, Kit. Tell me aboot her anyway.”

They stared up at me with those fucking beautiful blue eyes that were so full of sadness, it almost hurt to look at them.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“It’s no aboot me. Ye need tae talk, so I’ll listen.”

They pursed their lips.

“I don’t need you to act all selfless on my behalf. I’m not worth that.”

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