Page 63 of Fighting Fate

Nodding, I reach across the table and rest my hand on hers. We’ve been friends for so long, and as the years have gone on, Beth’s become part of our family. She’s gone from Quincy’s university friend to the person that I can talk to without having to worry about being judged. If it wasn’t for her and Frank, I’d be lost.

“The list of pros is slowly outweighing the cons the more I get to know Luke. He really is incredible.”

“So you keep saying.”

“He is…in every department…” A dreamy look lights up her face, making me chuckle. “And even though my entire life is here, every time I think about him leaving and me staying, well…well, it feels like I’ll be left with nothing. I get this horrible feeling in my gut that makes me feel sick. Like all the joy is being sucked out of me at the thought alone.”

“Yeah…” I breathe. That feeling has been following me around for a while. When Rory’s near me, it’s easy to forget it, but the second he’s gone, there’s a hole. A deep, black hole that threatens to overwhelm me. And it’s everything I’ve ever feared—being so lost without someone that I won’t ever find myself again.

“Why aren’t you trying to talk me out of it?”

“Do you want me to?”

A contemplative look tugs at her eyebrows while she considers my question. Normally, I would throw everything I could at her to make her see sense. However, it seems I’ve lost mine too, along with my heart.

“No,” Beth finally answers. “But you’re the biggest cynic and party pooper out of the two of us. If anyone was going to add to the cons list, it would be you.”

The remark stings. I’ve never seen myself as a cynic. I question things because I have reason to. If I don’t look out for myself, no one else will. It’s something I’ve learned the hard way.

The waiter comes back with the drink order and another small bowl of tortillas and guacamole. I’m so thirsty that I finish my water in one. Even then, I’m still so dry that I pour myself another and drink that too while Beth watches me with a what the fuck grimace.

“My insides feel like the Sahara,” I tell her once I’ve informed the waiter of my order.

“Since when do you have the huevos rancheros?”

“I don’t know. They sounded good today? I probably need the protein after this morning, and my body knows it.”

“Hmmm…okay…” She shrugs, but the tone is weird, as though she doesn’t believe me, even though there’s nothing but fact to my reply.

The conversation eases into chatter about work and summer plans. I want to meet Luke for myself. While I have no issues with Beth’s decision, I still want to make sure that he won’t let her down.

“So…” she starts as we finish our food.

I’m stuffed, but at the same time, the flavour of the salsa along with the creamy guacamole is so moreish that I’m still picking at Beth’s leftover tortillas and using them to shovel the last bits on my plate.

“I never asked you, but did you do the pregnancy test that I told you to?”

“What?” I sputter, almost choking on the food I’ve barely swallowed. “What made you bring that up?”

“You’re eating like you’re famished. You never eat like this, and the eggs…really?”

“If you’d done half the fucking workout I did this morning, you’d be starving too. Stop fat-shaming me!”

“I’m not fat-shaming you,” Beth snaps back. “You’re the fucking skinny Minnie of us all.”

“I’m just hungry.” Right?

It’s not like I’ve felt sick, and my boobs don’t feel different. I don’t feel different at all.

“Did you do the test or not?” she presses.

I don’t like the way she’s pushing about it. Apart from it being irritating, it’s unnecessary. I get the contraceptive jab regularly. The appointment for the next is scheduled on my phone the day I get the new jab. I get text reminders too…

“Willow?”

“I forgot! Besides, I’m covered. You know that.”

With a roll of her eyes, Beth levels me with a disbelieving glare. It rivals Mum’s with the way her nostrils flare in frustration. Not to mention the whole are-you-really-that-dumb? Head tilt.

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