Page 32 of Sworn to Lead

“Then you’ll have to do your best to get back fast.” Her words might’ve been teasing, but her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She glanced away and blinked, clearing the emotion from her eyes. He loved that she was trying so hard to be tough for him. She was tough. He couldn’t forget that. It wasn’t lost on him that she’d shoulder the weight of being a military spouse with grace. The other day when he went to base to work out with his team, he’d added her as the benefactor to his will. If he died, everything he had would be hers. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in his soul that she wouldn’t use it to care for Jacob.

Goose bumps were running down her arms. She was getting cold, and he was being greedy holding her for so long. He lifted her off of him and laid her down on the bed. “I’m going to take care of the condom.” He drew the comforter up over her soft skin, kissed her cheek, and walked to the bathroom. When he returned, he slipped under the covers beside her. She rolled into his arms and he held her close. Her breath hit his chest in warm puffs, and occasionally she’d press her lips to his skin.

He’d never met another human with a heart as pure as Brynn’s. He wanted to hand her the world. To sit together on the back deck of their new home and talk about their days, to laugh with her, watch as she pushed Jacob on the swing, see how her belly rounded with his child. Jacob would be an amazing uncle and Brynn a loving mother.

“Do you want kids?” He hadn’t meant to ask, but the picture in his mind of her carrying their baby wouldn’t go away. Her back straightened beneath his fingers and she locked eyes with him.

“Yes.” She tugged at her bottom lip before asking, “You?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. I do now. Never thought I would. Always seemed like too much risk—maybe I’d end up with a woman like my mother, or maybe I’d be too selfish to give a child the attention they deserved. With you, everything is different. I look in the mirror and see myself becoming the man I want to be. You and Jacob have thawed something, healed something inside me that was still raw.”

“Jacob would be an amazing uncle.”

“No doubt in my mind. The kid would be busting a gut as we navigated dirty diapers and waking up at all hours of the night.”

“I always thought I’d only want one. That if there were more than that, one could turn on the other. I don’t feel that way anymore. If they had an ounce of their father’s honor, his kindness, they’d never lift a hand to their sibling.”

“Nothing that came from you could ever be cruel, Brynn. All you hold inside you is beauty and warmth. You’re a nurturer. Even though you’re worried about me leaving, you’ve kept your chin up and reassured me that you’re fine. And I know you will be because beneath all that empathy and kindness is strength. I couldn’t say steel, because nothing about you is hard. More like the sea. Strong. Enduring. You’ve been dealt some rough hands, but you always rush back to the shore. You keep going long after others would’ve quit.”

“I think you’ve built me up in your mind as something I’m not. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’ve put me on a pedestal that I don’t deserve.”

“I know exactly who you are, Brynn. I see you. You’re not some trophy I want to display. You’re real. Someone I can stand beside and know without a doubt that you wouldn’t betray me. My equal. A partner I can share everything with. That’s how I see you.”

Something wet slid down his chest. A tear. He lifted her chin and kissed away the salty trail it had left behind. “I know you’d believe me. If I came to you with a burden, you’d share the weight with me. You’d help fix the problem. Never would you ignore someone hurt or in need. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“Brynn, if I had been in your life when we were kids, if you told me Fergus was hurting you, there would’ve been nowhere on earth he could hide.”

“I know. My whole life I unsuccessfully searched for a place I’d feel safe.” Her voice was muffled with exhaustion. “Except I didn’t know I wouldn’t find it in a place. I found it in you.”

Emotion jammed into his throat. “Sleep, sweetheart,” he choked out. He didn’t deserve her, but he was going to do everything he could to keep her. She was his and he’d shamelessly protect her with everything in his power.

Chapter Twenty

Brynn hadn’t been prepared for the onslaught of feelings she’d have the day that Neo left. When the door had closed behind him, the soft click of the lock might as well have been a deafening slam. She’d had to sit on the floor for a moment and breathe. For as long as he was away, she would go through the motions. Do what needed to be done. Knowing he was overseas, putting himself in insurmountable danger quaked the ground beneath her. Heavy regret made it impossible to fill her lungs completely, and her belly was a tangle of knots. Why hadn’t she told Neo how she felt when he was holding her? When they’d been talking about the future and children?

Her whole life she’d been trying to harden herself against forming relationships, never wanting to be at the will or whim of another. With Neo, though, she laid herself bare, emotionally and physically. He’d put her desires and needs first from the start, and had earned her trust with his actions. Being vulnerable with him was easy. Anything she exposed to him he’d fold into a blanket of protection and keep safe. There was no doubt that the emotion she was feeling was love. The foreign feeling welled up and burned hot and bright inside her. Being without Neo would be hard, but that burn would carry her through.

“All right, Jacob.” She checked his backpack one last time. “I think that’s everything. I’ve labeled all your things for your teacher and let him know if there are any questions to call me.” She swung the backpack onto her shoulders and straightened Jacob’s collared shirt. Since Neo had left, Jacob was more withdrawn.

“I miss him, too.” She leaned down and kissed Jacob’s forehead. “He wanted to drive you on the first day of school.” Brynn crouched down at his side. “Wanted to spend more time with you before he got called on a mission. He will be back, though, Jacob, and when he is, we’ll move into the new house. Your brother and probably the entire team will escort you to school. I’m sure Collin is going to be excited to see you today. Maybe Mr. Bloom could connect us with his parents, and we could invite them all over for pizza and a game some night.” Jacob turned his head and cast her a small smile. “Okay, then. It’s a date.” She stood up and rounded the wheelchair, pushing Jacob into the hallway. She closed the door behind her and locked the dead bolt.

“I’m going to stop at the grocery store after I bring you to school. How does macaroni and cheese sound tonight? I don’t know about you, but I could use some comfort food.” Jacob turned his head to the left, but not with the usual gusto reserved for her homemade mac and cheese or lasagna. “I know this is really hard, but we’ll make it through. We always do, and your brother would never abandon us. He’s working hard to get home to us as we speak.” She pressed the elevator button, and they descended to the first floor. The automatic door opened to a wide, cloudless sky. A sea-scented breeze fluttered through the air as they walked to the SUV.

Footsteps sounded behind her and she jerked around. The man had appeared out of nowhere, but he had a set of keys in his hand. Another resident at the apartment complex, and she’d nearly jumped out of her skin. She’d been on edge since she discovered Fergus was in the country, and even though she hated to feel like a damsel in distress, without Neo here, a new layer of fear had developed. Proving to herself that she could be brave, she smiled at the stranger.

“Nice morning, huh?” She gripped the handles of Jacob’s wheelchair. Maybe she should’ve just stayed quiet.

Then the man smiled. He looked friendly enough, but even his grin didn’t put her at ease. “I was just thinking the same thing. I’ve seen you coming and going. You live on the floor above me. Haven’t seen your husband in a couple days, though. Everything okay?”

She didn’t bother to correct him, more than ready to get to the car. “He’s around, just busy with work.” She wasn’t sure what prompted her to lie, but it probably wasn’t a good idea to let a stranger know that she and Jacob were alone, no matter how normal he seemed.

“Yeah, I know the feeling. Anyway I am in unit 310 if you need anything. Have a nice morning.” The man walked past them and stopped at a sporty BMW.

“Thank you,” she said and quickly hit the key fob to open the doors. She lowered the ramp, and after securing Jacob’s wheelchair, they made the short drive to the school. It wasn’t until she dropped Jacob off and was nearly to the grocery store when a thought hit her. She stiffened, gripped the steering wheel as ice formed in her stomach. Her heart rate picked up as she thought back to what Neo had told her about the apartment complex when she and Jacob moved in.

There were only six units on each floor. The stranger had told her he lived in 310, hadn’t he? The fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she looked in her rearview mirror. There were several cars behind her and some in the right lane. She hadn’t been paying attention earlier to see if one had been following her because except for the uneasy feeling, she really had nothing to worry about. She was being crazy. Fergus was in prison. She couldn’t seem to shake the dread prickling down her back, so she switched into the left lane, paying careful attention to the cars in her mirror.

A beat-up sedan two cars behind her moved as well. Her heart started to hammer. The man she’d spoken to this morning was getting into a BMW. Had he, though? She’d been occupied by Jacob, but she couldn’t recall noticing any cars drive past them. She glanced at her cell phone. She’d find a safe spot and call Neo’s commander. The sedan moved into the left lane to pass the car behind her. Now he was closer. If he was following her, he wasn’t making any effort to hide it. The man behind the wheel was bald and older, like the man in the parking lot. Why hadn’t she paid better attention to his appearance? Why had she engaged with him at all?

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