Page 60 of Savoring Addison

Steve reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Take your time, honey.”

With another deep breath, she forced herself to ask the question that had been on her mind most of the night. “Was Mom on drugs when you knew her?”

He looked about as stunned as if she just smacked him upside the head with a two-by-four. “I’m sorry?”

“I’ll take that as a no,” she said, swallowing a large gulp of her drink. God, this sucked. Steve clearly loved her mom, perhaps had even created an idealized version of her in his mind after all these years. It broke her heart to have to shatter that image.

“No, I didn’t—I mean, she never...” The rest of the sentence trailed away as he frowned down at his beer.

“Mom died of a heroin overdose,” she said softly, hating the way he flinched. “They’d already taken me away by then. She left me home alone for almost a week when I was only six.”

Steve’s eyes had gone big and round. He stared down at his half-empty glass for nearly a minute, his hands clenched around it so tight she worried it might shatter. At long last, he picked up the beer and drained it. “Give me a sec,” he murmured, stalking off to the bar to pour himself a refill.

While Steve huddled behind the bar, visibly shaking even from a distance, Mason sauntered over to the table. “Everything all right?” he asked softly.

“I just told him. About my mom.”

Mason nodded, as if that’s what he expected. “Can’t be an easy thing to hear.” Moving behind her chair, he began massaging her shoulders. “I’m so proud of you tonight. I hope you know how amazing you are.”

Closing her eyes, she leaned into his hands, loving the feel of his strong fingers as they dug into her knotted muscles. “Better be careful,” she teased. “If you’re too nice to me, it might go to my head.”

His chuckle washed over her like a warm breeze. “Just remember what I do to brats.”

Addison looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. “Oh, I’m counting on it.”

“Sorry about that,” Steve said as he walked back up to the table, dropping onto his chair. His voice still had a strangled quality to it.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Mason leaned down, kissing the top of Addison’s head, and returned to his barstool.

Steve watched him go, some of the tension leaving his eyes. “Your boyfriend seems like a good guy.”

Her answering smile was small, almost shy. She wasn’t quite used to the idea that Mason might be her boyfriend, and not just some guy she fucked on the weekends. “Yeah, he really is.” Her first impression of him couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“Sorry,” Steve said again, looking down at where his hands rested on the table. “That wasn’t the best reaction. I don’t want you thinking I don’t want to hear any more, cause I do. I’m not like those other people you mentioned. I just...I wasn’t prepared for that. I am now.”

Addison blinked away tears. “It’s okay,” she said, a catch in her voice. “I probably shouldn’t have just come out and said it like that. You obviously cared a lot about her. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, knowing how she died.”

It took a second for Steve to react to what she said. As if he didn’t quite comprehend it at first. When he lifted his head, something new burned in his eyes—something she didn’t know how to name. “I’m not upset because of Sharon.” He said it like the idea never occurred to him. “I’m upset because of you.”

Addison’s mouth dropped open. “Me?” What did she do?

“No child should have to live through that.” His voice shook. “But you”—his eyes filled with tears—“are my kid. And you had to...fucking six years old...” He covered his eyes with his hand as he fought for control.

She had absolutely no idea what to say. Thoughts raced through her mind as she watched her dad struggle not to cry. Should she comfort him? Lie and say things weren’t as bad as she made it sound?

By the time Steve let his hand drop back to the table, several bar patrons had begun throwing covert looks their way. One middle-aged woman in a paisley-print dress and cowboy boots outright stared. Addison had a feeling they weren’t used to seeing their beloved bartender with any expression on his face but a charming smile.

“Oh, let them look,” Steve said, noticing the way she glanced around the bar. “I don’t care. To be honest, they should feel lucky. I almost threw my glass across the room, twice now.”

“Only twice?” Addison quipped, trying and completely failing to lighten the mood.

“I don’t know what happened to the Sharon I knew. She wasn’t exactly the loving, nurturing type, but I never would’ve imagined she could...” He closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking a slow, deep breath. “Addiction is a disease. I’m not making excuses—for the love of God, don’t think that. But things were so different back then. She wouldn’t have been able to get any help even if she wanted it. The whole thing just breaks my damn heart.”

“I’m really sorry I upset you.” A few potential lies sprang to the tip of her tongue—little half-truths and downright fabrications that might make him feel better.

Steve shook his head, the look in his eyes suddenly urgent. “Don’t. Don’t you dare apologize, honey. She’s the only one who should apologize. She’s the one who hurt you.” And me. The words hung so heavily in the air between them, he might as well have said it out loud.

If only her mom could apologize. If she hadn’t OD’d, if she’d gotten clean and they had a chance to reconcile when Addison got a little older...

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