Page 52 of Mountains Divide Us

“Actually, I c-can’t have kids.” Oh. I hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to say that out loud to a group of women. Logically, I knew they wouldn’t judge me, but that didn’t stop me from darting my eyes around the room to check their facial expressions.

“Oh, babe,” Carly said. “Stuck my foot in my mouth yet again. Please forgive me.”

“It’s okay,” I said, trying to smile.

“Sweetie,” Phil said, “I’m so sorry. But did you two discuss that on your date?”

“No. The subject didn’t come up.” Because I didn’t bring it up, even after Frank said he definitely wanted a family.

“That’s not exactly true,” Juni hedged. She turned toward me in her chair, asking with the look in her eye and a tilt of her head if it was okay for her to explain more.

I whispered, “Okay.”

“So Sam thinks, because of Frank’s age and some personal things in his life, that he’ll want biological children. Plus, he’s not getting any younger, if you know what I mean. But I told her biology doesn’t matter. I’m not speaking from experience or anything, but I think, if you adopt or go through surrogacy or whatever, the result is the same. You’d still love that child more than your own life.”

“Yeah,” Billie said. “I bet there’s lots of kids out there who need a mom.”

In my head, I rolled my eyes. Like it was that easy. Like I could just order a kid and have DoorDash deliver him or her.

“Juneau’s right,” Cal said. “I couldn’t have children either, but Herbert and I adopted our two girls, Lilah and Shawnee”—she lit up, smiling and looking happier than I’d ever seen her—“and they made our lives so full. Sure, there were issues now and then that were probably different than biological parents have to deal with, but it was worth it, Sam. And now I’ve got grandchildren.”

I shot out of my chair before I could stop myself. “I can’t adopt. Please stop saying it like it’s so easy! It’s not.”

Looking around at all their faces, my heart was pounding, and I was embarrassed and ashamed of my reaction, but they seemed to take it in stride. In fact, they felt sorry for me. It was dripping from the sad expressions on their faces.

Except for Cal. She looked personally offended. “Well, I don’t see why not,” she said. “Are you opposed to adoption?”

“No. I’m sorry,” I said, taking my seat again, trying to calm the scream I could feel inside my chest. “Of course not, but I’ve been hearing that for years. ‘Just adopt.’ Does no one understand that it’s expensive and it’s a really complicated process? And does no one care that I lost the ability to have my own children? The thing I’ve been dreaming about since I was a kid. What about that?”

And that was the real issue between Frank and me. It didn’t really matter what he wanted or expected from someone he was dating. The big thing between us was that I was still grieving my loss, and I didn’t know if I could get over it on his timeline. Besides, he was a private man, and I didn’t want to gossip about his personal history, so I apologized again for my outburst and left it there with the ladies, steering them back to our book.

Thankfully, they were tactful and forgiving enough to let it go.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

FRANK

“What’s goin’ on, ol’ man?” Carey greeted me when I got to the station after lunch. “Ain’t like you to take a long lunch.”

I’d been sitting in my cruiser, daydreaming about Samantha and the way she’d let me command her body last night and this morning, even when she was mad at me. I could still see her indignant expression. I found myself having a hard time paying attention to much else all morning.

Grabbing the updated daily call printout from Shelley’s desk, I looked it over. “You scoldin’ me, boss?” There wasn’t anything pressing on the list besides lots of winter cats stuck up trees.

He snorted. “Like I could. How were the roads last night?”

“Not too bad. Abey comin’ in at all?”

“You haven’t talked to her yet? I’m surprised she hasn’t called you to complain in your ear like she did me. She won’t be in today or tomorrow. Said she’s feelin’ awful. That woman’s whinier than a little kid when she’s sick. She said her mama’s already at her apartment, prayin’ over her and stuffing vitamins down her throat.”

His phone dinged, and he pulled it from his jacket pocket, clicking the screen a few times. “Ah shit. I’m getting reports that the winter storm we got comin’ next week will be pretty bad. Worse than the last one. Record lows and snow that’ll stop our world from spinnin’ for a couple days. Let’s check that the roads have been properly cleared and prepped before this one. And it’s probably best to check in with the elderly community when we can, make sure they have what they need before it hits. We’ll have to set up our usual roadblocks so nobody gets stuck up on the pass south of Cade Ranch.” He paused. “Hear what I’m sayin’?”

“Heard. Hey, you haven’t gotten any reports about that kid—the one from Ace’s House I told you about?” The one popping into my head more and more as the days went by with no sign of him. I’d gone through Mrs. George’s receipts and called everyone I could track down, but nobody had noticed anything suspicious.

“No. Haven’t heard a word. Why?”

“Just hopin’ we woulda found him by now.”

“Well, we don’t really know if the kid is actually homeless. Could just be what he told Theo Burroughs, that he’s bored, lookin’ for a place to be instead of home.”

---