Page 25 of Promise to Break

"Wait, what? He did what?" She knew about the kiss. The whole school knows about the fucking kiss. His lips, his teeth, his tongue on mine, his hands on my neck, the control he had…

"Girl, you are so gone," Raven sings in a too-happy voice.

"I am not. I'm trying to forget the whole thing."

"Because he ate your face? The entire school's talking about it. Killian has never acted like that with any girl. He wants you. He wants you bad. Now tell me everything that happened. Ronen says you acted like a fish today."

Yes, Ronen and his nosy personality. The reason behind the naked show of the deviant is a mystery to all but Raven and Julian. Julian's supposed to be on his way here and should come bouncing in at any moment. Yippee. Ronen tried to get some information out of me with tickles and a new cookie recipe he came out with. Needless to say, I don't have the recipe.

It takes a few minutes to tell Raven every ludicrous detail just for her to stare at me with her eyes open so wide I'm afraid they might burst. Those eyes. So much like her cousin's. She and Killian look so much alike. If not for the blonde strands on her head, they would look too much alike.

"It's so hot," she swoons as she scratches Baron between the ears and gazes into the distance as if she's dreaming. The cat isn't happy with the ministrations, but he tolerates it for now.

"He's your relative."

She scrunches her brows. To Raven, her family is her joy. She adores them, but above all, she loves Killian. If the rumors are to be believed, she has good reason to love him. I wish I knew if those rumors were true.

The interactions between Killian and his uncle, Raven's father, always catch my attention, as I anticipate anything but the pure love that I witness between uncle and nephew. Perhaps the stories are simply that, or maybe there's a deeper meaning to them.

"I don't see him like that," Raven argues. "Don't be gross. He's my little brother, that's all." Raven is three weeks older than Killian, and she likes to remind him of that fact whenever she can. She also doesn't refer to him as her cousin. Not like she does Santino. She always calls Killian her brother. "I know he's an asshole to you," she says, "but he isn't that bad."

All I want is to ask her to either confirm or deny all the rumors about what Killian does. It's said he's the number one killer of the mafia, but I learned my lesson fast the one time I tried to interrogate Raven for information on her family. She might be the sweetest girl in the universe, but she can keep secrets.

"He is that bad. It was pure harassment." I know I sound like a child, but really, it's all I got left. Every time I tell her that Killian Fierro is the worst man to walk this earth, she finds a way to defend him.

"The way I see it, it was all foreplay in his mind, chica. Killer can be intense."

"This entire school has been making my life miserable for two goddamn years, and that's foreplay in your book? I don't want or need his intensity."

"Now, that's a lie. You like it. And you like that he wants you the way he does."

"I'm not you—" I start before closing my mouth. I want to take my words back so badly. I just fucked up. "I'm so sorry—"

"No. You're right." She sounds so defeated. Her blue eyes stare up into the sky, probably not seeing a thing.

To capture her beauty, I pull out my phone to take a picture. I wish she could see what everyone else does. I give her the space she needs and stay quiet. Saying sorry doesn't work for our friendship. It never did.

Knowing who the bastard is that she's thinking about makes me want to pour the most expensive boiling tea down his pants.

Killian has made my life hell, but I won't have to live my whole life with him. I'm going to find a job and a small apartment as soon as I graduate and start from the ground up. Unlike the students here, I don't see shame in that. Raven, however, can't escape her fate. She's going to live with her bully her whole life because of some mafia agreement. I hate that for her. If I could help her escape, I would. Aqua Tefana is still a plausible plan.

After a long minute, Raven blinks and brings her head out of the clouds. "I think the fact that you sucked on the banana and didn't run away screaming broke him," she says, changing the subject and giggling as if her mind was here all along.

I chuckle next to her. Any other friend wouldn't let it go, but I don't know how to talk about feelings. I never did. Instead, I try to recall Killian's reaction when he held me and then when he pushed the fruit into my mouth. I recall that his usually stoic face was a bit off at that moment. Something moved in those stone-hard nerves of his. It's like I held some power over the great Killian.

But then I think about my reaction. I wanted it to be him. His banana between my lips, taking my breath away, silencing my thoughts for once. I was in the moment. I gave him control, not because of the situation, but because I needed him to have it. No Maricela. You can't. Revenge is the right course of action.

"I told him I won't let him bully me anymore," I tell her, my voice full of determination. I refuse to analyze the banana or the shower incident any further. I'm ashamed to admit that I liked the control he had over me, the control my fucking bully had over me.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Good for you. I told you the first day I met you, he won't do shit to your sister. Killian isn't like that. He doesn't see your sister as equal to him, so he won't harm her. There's something you really need to understand about the three deviants. No matter how dangerous they are, they won't harm those whom they don't see on the same level as them." Something dark looms over her usually cheerful face.

"And I am?" I ask. Trying to understand my enemy is crucial to my sanity.

"You talk back. You don't cower, and you don't let him win. You're better than him, and he knows it. You're better than all of us."

I am not a good person. Not really. But my two best friends don't know about my darkness. Even Ronen, who comes from the same shit poverty hall. He told me I'm a saint because I took some fish I didn't pay for feeding a spoiled cat we had to search for. What they don't understand is that people like me can't be good. We do a lot of bad things just to survive.

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