Page 49 of The Wives

And I want to leap from the chair and scream, that one word validating everything I am here for. Regina knows my name, she knows who I am. Self-doubt is slime and glue, but Regina saying my name has washed me clean.

“Yes,” I say, breathless...pathetic.

Her face is arranged in undisguised disgust. She sighs, uncrosses her legs and leans forward, forearms on thighs. She doesn’t look so put together now, just tired. It’s amazing what a facial expression can do to change someone’s look.

“Seth contacted me. He said you might come by.” She stares at the ground between her heels before straightening up.

So Seth already knows where I am. He knows me better than I realized. There is a sinking feeling in my stomach as I stare at her. While I’ve been imagining him scrambling to call my mother and Anna, he went straight to Regina. I blink hard, trying to disguise the shock that must be on my face. I thought I had been smart, but apparently my husband is smarter. Silly me. But that is the theme of my life for these last years: silly me. Seth had anticipated this, my breakaway from his plan. He’d thought about all of this, predicted my actions. Perhaps only in the last weeks, but maybe always.

“All right, Thursday, you came all this way, so tell me why you wanted to see me. I gather it’s not about divorce.” Her lips are tucked in at the corners—resolute and disgusted. She’s very wrong about the divorce, but I don’t tell her that. Let her think what she wants. All I want are answers about the man we both married.

I look around the office for the personal touches of the woman I’m speaking to: picture frames, rugs, anything that will tell me more about who she is. The decor is masculine, which could have very little to do with her; women don’t opt for this much cherrywood. She has a penchant for ferns, as there are three in total: one sits on top of a bookshelf with its leaves spilling over the sides, the other is smaller and on her desk and the third rests on the windowsill—the healthiest of the three. They’re well-tended, too, lush.

“I’m here because I don’t know my husband. I was hoping you could give me some clarity.” That’s the nice way of putting it, really. My husband hits women and had me institutionalized for asking too many questions. As it turns out, I am a really stupid woman, and I need Regina to tell me that she was equally as stupid for trusting him, and then I can tell her about Hannah.

“Your husband?” Her face is amused, eyebrows raised.

I want to tell her that now’s not the time to get into a pissing match about who Seth belongs to, but I stay quiet.

“I’m not sure I can help you—in fact, I’m not sure I want to.” She smooths out her skirt and glances at her watch. It’s subtle, but she meant for me to see it. I’m wasting her time. I suddenly don’t feel as sure as I did a moment ago. The temperature has switched.

“You’ve been with Seth for eight years—” I begin.

“Five,” she interrupts. “Seth and I were together for five years before the divorce, but of course you know that because you’re the reason we got divorced.”

I stare at her blankly. Of course I was, but she’d agreed to it. This isn’t going the way I expected it to. Why is she being so sour about something she agreed to? Seth met and married Regina five years before me. I remember the jealousy at all the extra time they’d had together, how I’d never be able to catch up.

“And these last three...?”

“These last three, what?” She snaps that part, the poise falling away for the briefest of moments as something flashes in her eyes.

“That...you’ve been together. The plural marriage...”

Regina looks like I’ve slapped her. Her slender neck jerks back. I can see the starburst pattern of pink rising above her neckline. I’ve made her nervous. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s something to be making her nervous.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I don’t know what you mean.”

I know that if I jump out of my seat and shake her while screaming, Tell me the truth, you bitch! the police will be called. At the very least, I’d be escorted out of the building and one more person would think I was crazy.

“Aside from the brief contact he made to tell me that you would be coming to see me, I have not seen or spoken to my ex-husband in years,” she says.

Her words sever my next question. My mouth hangs open until I press my lips together, frowning.

I stare at Regina and then my hands. My thoughts are dumb, thick. I don’t make sense and neither does Regina. I hear white noise and the pounding of my own heart.

“What do you mean?” I manage finally.

“I think you should leave.” Her face is blanched as she stands up and heads for the door.

I follow her, not knowing what else to do. My thoughts are tangled between Regina and Hannah.

“You need help, Thursday,” she says, looking squarely at my face. “You’re delusional. Seth said you were sick, but—”

“I am not sick.” I say it with such force that we both blink at each other for a few seconds. I repeat it in a calmer tone. “I’m not sick, despite what Seth has told you.”

“Get out.” She holds the door open and I stare past her, my thoughts spinning.

“Just tell me one thing,” I say. “Please...”

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