Page 38 of Love Wasted

Present

I know this key goes into that teeny tiny hole, I just can’t seem to get it to hold still. I grunt and groan with my tongue out, doing my best to concentrate. After who knows how long, I get the key into the door and open it, stumbling in.

Straightening up, I pull the key out and push the door shut.

It closes with a loud thud. “Ssssssh.” I place my finger over my mouth, shushing the door so we don’t wake Cass up. Surprisingly, I don’t find this strange at all. Turning ungracefully, I make my way into the kitchen. Good lord, I’m starving. Surely there’s something in here I can eat.

When I called Matt up to go out, he was only mildly concerned that I’ve asked him to meet for drinks three times in the last two weeks. It’s just that there are too many questions I’m not sure I can answer, and I find becoming numb is the best solution at this point. It’s not usually my thing because I never want to lose my inhibitions. Everyone knows I don’t like being out of control. It just seems like the only thing I can control lately is whether I drink and numb my mind or not, and I choose the mind-numbing action any time things get too hard.

Matt told me I could stay with him when I vaguely referred to the fact that Cass and I aren’t getting along very well. He basically told me he isn’t surprised, and I declined to say I didn’t want to let her win. He just rolled his eyes and left the offer on the table.

I don’t want to stay with Matt. I want to stay where I am and make it work until she moves back into her apartment.

With my head in the fridge, I begin pulling things out to examine then decide leftover pizza is the best option.

When I turn around with a slice of pizza sticking out of my mouth and a bottle of water in hand, I find Cass standing in the doorway of the kitchen, hands on her hips, looking a little peeved.

“Why are you up so late?” My voice is muffled by the pizza hanging from my mouth. “Want some pizza?” I grin as my eyes move up her long, lean legs to her tiny heather gray sleep shorts, and they don’t stop there when I realize she’s wearing a matching, body-hugging tank top. Her boobs…I remember what those perfectly round globes look like without anything covering them and I instantly get hard. Drunk and hard are never a good combination.

She doesn’t look amused at all. In fact, she looks like she might chop my head off at any moment. “What in the hell, Pax? Are you drunk?”

“Maybe. What’s it to you?” Sarcasm drips from each word.

“Don’t be an ass.” Her voice sounds like music even when she’s annoyed, and I try to ignore what it makes me feel.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I take another bite of my pizza slice. With a full mouth, I shoo her away. “Go back to bed and leave me alone.”

“You are drunk, and you’re definitely acting like a dick.” She is pissed now.

Her words only make me feel worse, which in turn makes me act like an even bigger asshole.

“Fine, I’m an asshole, and you’re Miss Perfect.” My voice is condescending. Stumbling past Cass, I walk into the living room. “I’ll go to bed so you’ll stop haunting me.”

She follows behind me. “You mean hounding you?”

I shake my head side to side. Man, my head is heavy. “Nope, I mean haunting me. You’re my Cass—no, not my Cass, Dick’s Cass, Laney’s Cass, everyone else’s Cass but mine. You just can’t leave me alone. It’s annoying as shit because I don’t want you.” I hiccup. Great. I hate fucking hiccups. Pointing at her, I slur, “I. Don’t. Want. You.”

“You’re an asshole.” I can hear the hurt in her tone, but I don’t allow myself to feel it. “Sleep it off, Pax.”

I salute her then turn for my room and stagger through my doorway before falling on the bed. I turn over on my back, thankful there’s no spinning.

Without thinking, I call Laney. Let’s be real, I haven’t thought about one thing I’ve said or done within the last twenty minutes, probably longer. I haven’t thought clearly since I walked into this fucking apartment and that goddamn party two months ago, so why start now?

“Laney…Laney, it’s me, Paxton Luke.” I start laughing because I just said my full name to my own sister. My sister knows my name, so I didn’t need to say it. I laugh some more. When I get myself together, I continue to leave a message. “I didn’t remember, Laney. I’m not sure why or how, but I stopped remembering who I am, who she is. I just forgot. I think I’ve messed up. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to take back wanting to kiss her, and-and I mean kiss her for real. I didn’t mean the mistletoe kiss ten years ago. Nope, it’s nothing like that. I don’t know what its like, but I know you’re going to be mad because I forgot. I forgot she’s your best friend. I forgot she’s Cass Porter, the next-door neighbor. I forgot.”

The voicemail beeps, indicating it’s ending the recording. I lay the phone down and close my eyes.

“I forgot,” I say out loud to no one in particular.

My phone suddenly rings, so I tap the screen to answer it.

“Helllllo,” I say into the phone.

“Pax, is everything all right?” Laney’s worried voice echoes through the phone. “I accidentally erased your message before I could listen to it.”

“Laney! I forgot, Laney,” I shout into the phone.

“Pax, are you drunk?” Her voice loses the worried sound, and now she just sounds amused.

“Maybe. Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I turn to my side and everything spins. “Whoa.” I quickly return to lying on my back.

She laughs. “Don’t you have someone better to drunk dial than your little sister—who, by the way, happens to be in a time zone where it’s currently three in the morning. I think you better go to sleep. Night, Pax. From now on, only call me when you’re sober and after stupid o’clock in the morning when people are actually awake.” She hangs up.

I drop the phone beside me.

When I close my eyes, I’m thankful for the alcohol flowing through my system and its powers to erase Cass from my mind, even if it’s only for a little while.

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