Page 33 of Love Wasted

Matt slams his back and high-fives her.

Richard wraps his arms around her middle, pulling her back against him and kissing her neck. My grip on this girl whose name I don’t even know tightens and I watch as they all accept another shot from the bartender. Cassandra’s tongue darts out, and everything in me tightens. Fuck. I need to leave.

“Sorry, Mmm…” I begin.

“Macy,” she provides, a little saucily.

“Yeah, Macy, I’m going to call it a night. Uh, thanks…for the kiss and …thanks.” I lean down and place a peck on her cheek—I don’t want to be a complete dick. I can see the disappointment in her eyes, and even more when she glances in Cassandra’s direction.

Clapping my hand on Matt’s shoulder, I holler, “Dude, I’m outta here. Be safe and call for a ride.”

“Nah, dude, you can’t leave.” He sounds disappointed.

My gaze lifts to find Cassandra watching me. “I’m done, done with tonight and done with this whole thing.” My statement seems so simple, but it holds a lot of meaning. I mean it—I need to let go of whatever it is I’m feeling. Feelings are dangerous.

Reaching my hand out, I take Richard’s hand. “Dick, good to see you again.” He glares at me as I shake his hand. He has made it clear he doesn’t like being called Dick, which has only prompted me to use the nickname more. I give him a knowing smile.

Leaning forward toward Cassandra, I make the second biggest mistake of the night: I place a soft, slightly lingering kiss on her forehead. It may have been brief and completely platonic, but the weight of it feels heavy. “Cass, see you in the morning at home.” The look in her eyes gives nothing away.

I smile. She smiles. “Thanks, Pax. Happy New Year.” We say more with our eyes—more lies.

It’s all lies, but it’s a deception I’m willing to embrace if it means I remain in control of myself.

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